What would your reaction be to this conversation?

[mooching]

If you came down in the morning and you spouse said the following:

I've started coughing so I've had to register for a CV test. I'm afraid until I get the results we'll have to self isolate, me for 7 days and you and the kids for 14.

AIBU to ask if your reaction might have included asking how I am, rather than being irritated and saying 'what?' And me having to explain that that is the government's guidelines. He walked off and only about 10-15 minutes later did he ask if I was feeling ok. I pointed out I thought helps reaction was a pretty selfish one.

He says it's my fault for the way I presented it and I think he possibly has a point. I was also aware (and it seems from his reaction that I was right) that he wouldn't know what the self isolation guidelines were. Also, I am ok so perhaps I'm wallowing in self pity?

Nope, YANBU, my H reacted similarly. Never any sympathy when I’m sick. He’s a nob, I’m leaving him. We live 15 mins from the airport, I came back from a 3 week long haul trip and had to get taxi back home as he couldn’t be arsed to get out of bed

thought it was a persuistant cough not cough then book a test or have you been coughing for a while

Ah sorry hope your test comes back negative!

new, continuous cough – this means coughing a lot for more than an hour, or 3 or more coughing episodes in 24 hours (if you usually have a cough, it may be worse than usual)

This is the instruction from the NHS website. If this does not describe OPs cough, then she does not have to test and she and her family do not have to self isolate. If it does describe her cough, I’m still surprised her DH did not notice.

Hm. I'd say if you didn't appear to be unwell, my first thought might have been the quarantine, especially since you mentioned it, yourself. Different if you looked or sounded ill.

The way you interpret his reaction will of course depend on how he usually treats you. If he's normally caring, I think you should try to let this go. If it's just another sign that he's uncaring, I'd want to confront the bigger issue and work on that.

No I wouldn’t have asked if you’re ok/how you were if you’d said “I’ve started coughing”. Because I’d have assumed that was the extent of your “suffering”. Id assume if you were feeling otherwise ill, you’d say “I’ve started coughing, my heads splitting and my chest is tight” (for example)

So if you said “I’ve started coughing” I’d assume that was how you were.

My response would probably be “great” with a sigh.

Of course I have had a persistent cough! It fits with all the NHS guidance. I wouldn’t be wanting all this for a splutter, it is an absolute pain. I have realised though that lots of people don’t seem to know what the official guidance is and that includes DH.

DH and I were in different rooms last night, he was drinking and I wasn’t. I was watching glow up with DD (not his thing) and then hanging out with her. DDs both noticed the coughing so if he’d spent the evening with us he would have also known. As he was drinking his snoring is bad and he was sleeping in the spare room. Lots of reasons why he wouldn’t have noticed! I did not add to the OP to try and keep it short.

I can see I was a bit abrupt with my announcement. It is a pain but we’re all in it together and it can’t be helped.

I don't think this morning is the issue here OP is it? There is something else going on in which case I'd bring that issue up directly rather than confuse it with 'well our DDs noticed'!

I think people are being very harsh to OP. She’s following the guidance properly. The reason we’ve had such a big outbreak in the U.K. is because people aren’t following the guidance when they get a cough! She/he/anyone in the family could pass it on to someone vulnerable should she have it, and the consequences would be severe.
Also, people that haven’t had it, the cough comes on alarmingly quickly. If her Dh had been asleep, how would he have already noticed? Would he really have preferred her to wait to discuss, then try to book a test and have to wait another day as they were fully booked already, get the test tomorrow/the next day so have to wait longer for the results. Assuming it’s negative as soon as she gets results he no longer has to SI. I’d want my dh to get the test ASAP so our SI could be over sooner, never mind waiting to discuss.
People are dying from this, if she has a suspected case, asking how she feels is just general consideration for others.

I don’t think his reaction was that bad
Clearly he wasn’t expecting it and it has implications
Not sure it was necessary to ask how you were straight away as you just said you had a cough
My first reaction would be heart sinking slight panic about implications for food, work, going stir crazy etc. I’d probably assume you didn’t actually have it but one of those things we have to go through

DDs both noticed the coughing so if he’d spent the evening with us he would have also known.

Even if you weren't spending the evening together, you could have gone to him and told him you were coughing a lot and that you needed to get a test. Or are there some deeper problems here with your relationship? Does he drink too much?

Reverse

@namechangeforareason1
Yes there is absolutely a significant problem of functioning alcoholism but I try to separate these two issues and not blame everything on this.

This thread is certainly making me want a glass of wine...

Why have you namechanged to Mooching with a capital M?

I'm sorry to hear your DH has an alcohol problem, it must be difficult at the best of times, let alone during lockdown. I hope your Covid swab comes back as negative.

Reverse

Either you didn't read it properly or you don't understand what a reverse is. My moneys on the first option.

I'd have expected a brew at least, before someone dropped that bombshell to be fair!

I do find your reaction and delivery of the message, which has a big impact, a bit odd. Had you not said at any point that you were feeling a bit rough, noticed your cough and mentioned it in a normal conversation?

I don't understand why you are annoyed?

I’m really surprised by this thread. All the people who said you’ve been some variation of dramatic/melodramatic/asked if you have health anxiety, etc., must have been living under a rock for the last few months. We’ve lost 40,000+ people to this virus, some people who have survived it won’t have the same health they did, our economy is in the toilet, and the mental health impact is huge. But apparently OP, you were too melodramatic about possibly having it and wanting to protect your family.

Wow. How many people know the actual guidance? It’s not hard to find.

There have been some heart warming comments- faith in humanity restored.

Though the majority of people commenting seem to be making shit up with a complete disregard for the guidance.

Why?

For those of you saying that the OP is being dramatic. Where are you getting your information from?

The current guidance from the government is clear.

If you have any of the following:

• a high temperature

• a new, continuous cough (that’s continuous NOT persistent)

• a loss of, or change to, your sense of smell or taste

Then you are supposed to stay at home and book a test. Whether you like it or not. But fuck that right?

Why bother booking a test when you can just make up your own rules and ridicule people who are trying to follow them?

Just to be clear... the guidance is not:

• Wait and see how things pan out because the rules don’t apply to you.

• Wait and see if the cough gets worse because, who gives a shit about anyone else?

• wait and see if you start to feel really sick... and if you’re not ‘really sick’ then fuck the rules, because who gives a wombat about spreading it to someone vulnerable, when the symptoms are mild for you?

It means none of those things at all.

Yes. For most people, COVID-19 will be a mild illness. However, if we have any of the symptoms above we are being asked to stay at home and arrange to have a test to see if we have COVID-19.

This is because we are not individually the centre of the universe and other people matter, not just one person and their lucky mild ass symptoms.

You realise that you can have ZERO symptoms and still pass it on to someone who reacts differently to the virus... and they could get really sick? (Even though you didn’t get sick)

If you have symptoms of coronavirus HOWEVER MILD, the clear medical advice is to immediately self-isolate at home for at least 7 days from when your symptoms started.

“If you live with others and you are the first in the household to have symptoms, then you must stay at home for at least 7 days. All other household members who remain well must stay at home and not leave the house for 14 days. The 14-day period starts from the day when the first person in the household became ill.”

“Staying at home for 14 days will greatly reduce the overall amount of infection that people in your household could pass on to others in the community.”

But fuck the community, right?

This attitude makes me want to quit my job in the NHS. Self centred patronising bastards.

Yes, there are different ways of delivering information... yes OP could have said it differently... but so many people have made comments that have nothing to do with that and are suggesting the OP is being unreasonable simply for following guidance.

Fuck this shit. You couldn’t make it up.

Go on then. Make up your own self serving rules. After all, the vast majority of you will be absolutely fine. And fuck the people who won’t be. They’re just a minority. Who gives a flying fuck about them?

My point being: at least have the decency to pretend you care about the consequences of your actions... do whatever the hell you want, but OWN IT and don’t use the OP as a scapegoat to make yourself feel better about it.

Spread it all over the place, if that’s your thing- you’ll probably be absolutely fine. But don’t mock and patronise the people who are trying to follow the guidance, for the sake of others.

Again, to those of you with compassion and kindness, despite the obstacles life throws at us all. Thank you and thank fuck you exist.

Thank you to those who have offered support. I realise my delivery to DH was a bit shit. I am surprised how many people (DH included) who are not familiar with the guidance.

For those who think I am a drama queen or have health anxiety, I am very far from this. I have been going in to work throughout lockdown, but in all likelihood if I test positive it will effect a lot of people and my work will have to close and people isolate For 14 days.

I have spent the last weeks writing risk assessments, making plans, reading policy and government guidance. Therefore I suspect my delivery to DH was very ‘work like’ (someone mentioned this up thread). DH and I are not always close, we work different hours with him in garden shed and often sleep at opposite ends of the house (snoring related!). I had gone some time without him hearing my cough.

Went for test today, keep you posted. Can’t believe how empty it was!

You probably were too abrupt but my husband would immediately jump to "how does this affect me" rather than asking how I was feeling too. He does have other redeeming features occasionally though!

That’s because no one has it anymore

It sounds like he was possibly shocked and his 1st thought was regarding day to day logistics.

People say strange things in times of stress, it's totally normal.

You clearly look and sound fine though or his 1st thought WOULD have been for you.

You're overreacting.