What would your reaction be to this conversation?

[mooching]

If you came down in the morning and you spouse said the following:

I've started coughing so I've had to register for a CV test. I'm afraid until I get the results we'll have to self isolate, me for 7 days and you and the kids for 14.

AIBU to ask if your reaction might have included asking how I am, rather than being irritated and saying 'what?' And me having to explain that that is the government's guidelines. He walked off and only about 10-15 minutes later did he ask if I was feeling ok. I pointed out I thought helps reaction was a pretty selfish one.

He says it's my fault for the way I presented it and I think he possibly has a point. I was also aware (and it seems from his reaction that I was right) that he wouldn't know what the self isolation guidelines were. Also, I am ok so perhaps I'm wallowing in self pity?

As you'd walked downstairs it would depend how ill you looked. Dressing gown on doom would get more sympathy than being up dressed and referring to a cough that wasn't apparent.

My initial reaction would have been to laugh at how melodramatic you are and ask if a drink of water went down the wrong way.

You just have a cough. You're not on your death bed. I'd be pissed too. The message reads like it's from a boss not a spouse.

That's a very strange way to present this information to your partner!

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe

The person with symptoms only has to si for 7 days or 7 days from the in end of a fever. That they live with have to si for 14 days because they're could be be asymptomatic transmission in the household, and because they may have it but not show symptoms yet. It's sounds weird, but yes, their self isolation is longer, though I think test results can shortcut that now.

I agree that it was too out of the blue, and not enough conversation first about the cough, but if she had indeed come down with a new continuous cough, she has done the right thing by booking a test.

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe

Agree with all PPs about the wanky statement, made me cringe.

Why would a sufferer then have to SI for only 7 days yet their family has to do it for 14? That makes no sense to me. I've probably missed something, OP, but you'd be out in the shed to self-isolate there and the rest of us would leave food at the shed door for you and manage without you... for the duration.

Where've you been?

Yes, family members have to isolate for 14 days, as it takes some time for the virus to incubate if they've picked it up from OP. OP probably picked up the virus 5-7 days ago, and it's only now that it's multiplied enough to show symptoms. If the family get it but are asymptomatic, it'll take 14 days for the virus to multiply, and then for it to be out of their system.

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe

www.nhs.uk/conditions/coronavirus-covid-19/self-isolation-and-treatment/how-long-to-self-isolate/

"Why would a sufferer then have to SI for only 7 days yet their family has to do it for 14? That makes no sense to me. I've probably missed something, OP"
Because those have always been the rules where someone is self-isolating:

www.nhs.uk/conditions/coronavirus-covid-19/self-isolation-and-treatment/when-to-self-isolate-and-what-to-do/

"What would your reaction be to this conversation"

"I've started coughing so I've had to register for a CV test. I'm afraid until I get the results we'll have to self isolate, me for 7 days and you and the kids for 14."

That is not a conversation, it's a statement. It's formal. It doesn't invite a "oh no how are you honey?" response As you can see from this thread it invites a "WTF" reaction. It's probably hard reading for you if it isn't a reverse.

Forget CV for a moment - do you think this has shown up wider issues in your relationship? If this is how you normally converse/communicate it is not indicative of a healthy happy relationship - as someone said it's more like a work email!
It also as PP says, has huge ramifications potentially re work/finances etc and these things are usually discussed not just unilaterally decided.

Of course you do need a test if you have symptoms. But, how can you get to the point of having already ordered a CV test without your DH being aware you are ill, or having a general discussion? Clearly there is a problem there too. If he "came down in the morning" you have been living in the same house - not apart for a work trip?

So either you have been unwell and he has ignored you (but then that would be a different thread surely?) or this is the first time he has heard that you are ill.

Communication not coronavirus seems to be the immediate problem.

How can you have got to the point of having already ordered a test without discussion or awareness that you are poorly? The question is not AIBU he didn't ask how I was - the question is how did our relationship get to the point we communicate like this?

It's a very odd statement to make.

Test results come back very quickly, even at weekends especially if you go to the drive through. Depending on where you live you may be able to get a test the same day. I had my test same day and got result in 24hrs. Assuming you’re negative, that will be the extent of your isolation. Get the test done asap then you can all move on.

You sounded very formal and tbh a cough is mild. People get coughs allllllll the time. If someone had a little dry cough I would not be worrying how they were feeling

We are going through the same thing. 21 yo daughter has a cough and her work have said she needs to do a test (courier picked it up this morning), and not to come in for two weeks.

Was my response sympathetic? Absolutely not - for a start, she hasn’t seen anyone since lockdown began apart from her parents and sister. We’ve all stuck to the rules, so where would she have got it from. Secondly she was dreading going back to work as she is addicted to The Sims. Thirdly she always has a mild tickly cough during hay fever season.

So not sympathetic, but a bit irritated tbh

@JosephineDeBeauharnais

Good for you. Not everyone's experiences though.
I requested it on Sunday.
It arrived on Monday but too late for a Tuesday pick up (there are strict time limits on it), so it was done on Tuesday and collected on Wednesday. It's now Friday and no result yet.

So I'm on day 6 here...

I would say get a bludy grip DH! And crack on with your life as normal.

Thank you, Babyboomtastic and saraclara, I have indeed been living under a rock...

None of us have had a cough or anything so we've never really paid much attention to 'what to do IF you have'. I had a long-standing cough back in January before all this hit the media so whether that was IT or not, none of us have had anything since.

I'm sorry for the flippancy, it's just all a bit too much now.

I’d give my partner the time to take it in, it’s a lot to have to suddenly try and re-plan in your head, work, cancelling things, financial implications etc.
I’m sure he / she could see you were well enough to be having this conversation and probably not terribly unwell so I think you are being U .

I probably wouldnt have been happy at 1st.

So you went to bed and we’re fine and then literally the first time you speak in the morning (so he has no idea you’ve got a cough?) you say that to him? Verbatim?

You’d have got short shrift here too because isolation is a pain and you’d have dropped it on me without any warning whatsoever before I’d had a cup of tea or even heard you cough!

And how on earth does he not know about isolating? Has he been under a rock since March?

Also NotEverythingisBlackandWhite, thanks too.

I'm not the most sympathetic person in the world so would probably point out how inconvenient they were being ... No seriously I would feel like they might be being a bit dramatic if they'd only just started coughing.

I think the current cough criteria is 3 bouts of coughing in 24 hours.

I would not want to feed into the drama, it sounds like revelling in it a bit. Surely a more reasonable response is something along the lines of, oh crap I'm going to have to get a test as I have a cough, I really hope it's negative so we aren't stuck inside.

I'd be annoyed that my partner called and booked a test, deciding we'd all have to self-isolate without any discussion about their symptoms, the likelihood they're infected, etc.
I'm genuinely shocked you booked a test, meaning your family had to isolate, without any discussion at all.

I'd not be too happy to have that dumped on me first thing either.
I'd want to sit and discuss it, see how you are through the day etc