To feel like we are just existing now

[Ghostlyglow]

In a miserable, joyless world of queues and masks. A couple of friends have lost their jobs this week. Where are we going with this?When will it end?

Yes we live in a country with a welfare state, but consider how much extra strain that welfare state will be taking as we move out of lockdown.

It is disingenuous to suggest that makes it ok. It isn't free....

Job losses = more in need of benefits

NHS is due to be overwhelmed by the backlog of work that was cancelled plus additional work caused by delays in treatment and added physical/mental illness occurring as a result of lockdown.

As more people have straightened finances the economy wont be able to pick up as quickly. We already had a rise in food banks before this, I dread to think about what will happen after.

Education is suffering. How are schools going to cope with the new demands of ppe and social distancing, there is an inevitable cost if this goes on long term.

It is our taxes that will take the hit as we help others get through this.

Pigeon 999 I didn't say I was 'enjoying lockdown' but I've experienced worse situations in my life years ago. It's about how you react to events you have no control over. The only control you have is your state of mind (unless you are clinically mentally ill). Exercise is the best way to improve your mood if you are not able to socialise at the moment. Many tennis clubs are open and accept new beginners.

I will leave you all to wallow in your misery then.
Enjoy your day, the sun is out, the birds are singing and the countryside is looking beautiful. 😊

@ShebaShimmyShake

I hate waking up. I get no pleasure looking after my daughter, I get no pleasure in working, I get no pleasure in my husband. I hate waking up and thinking how to fill the coming day. I'm done with shitty crafts and all the rest of it. Just done. For the first time ever, I wish I were single and without children so I could stay in bed all day and at least waste all this time honestly in the way I want to.

Well someone said my thoughts out loud 😆 seriously im so drained!!!

Everyone's situation is so different. It is important that people can talk about how they are feeling without being shut down and basically told to pull themselves together because it isn't that bad. For some people it really is that bad.

I did have to laugh at the working from home is progress line though. That shows that some people have no idea about other people's circumstances. Working from your bedroom because you have no space for an office, with internet that is patchy when doing video calls, children all at home needing attention and teaching, really isn't progress for everyone.

My mental health is OK. I am finding certain aspects difficult but I get up and get on with it. I have a moan then I reset. Other people's mental health is deteriorating , and the last thing they need to hear is how they should be more resilient or have a positive outlook and how you are dealing with lockdown better than they are. It is not helpful, and it is not needed.

Well someone said my thoughts out loudseriously im so drained!!!

Don't let the Moralisers tell you you're wrong for how you feel. Yes, we all know that we are lucky, we know it could be worse, we know we should be grateful. We know this. We still feel this way. I actually get a weird dark satisfaction now when I see those up on their high horses lecturing about how very Morally Inferior the likes of you and I are. A weird sort of kick. I spent many years repressing myself and being miserable because I was always being Moralised To about all sorts of shite, and I can't tell you how utterly incredible it felt to finally throw all that off, and be completely honest with myself about who I am and what I feel. No, I'm not perfect, but believe me, neither were any of the Moralisers...in fact, the louder and more sanctimonious they were, the more godawful they were as people.

Fuck all that. I do not know a single parent who isn't struggling after three months of no school/nursery/playdates/swimming/library visits/trips to stately homes/museums and so on, especially if they're also facing financial trouble or health problems and so on. I've seen the perfect SAHM in floods of tears on a video call. The idea that someone could claim honestly not to understand what we're struggling with, or how a child could get bored in this situation, is so utterly laughable that I'd think such people were trolls if only they demonstrated any self awareness or sense of humour. Every single one of them is utterly full of it, they know it, and if they wanted to Moralise to me about it, they're about ten years too late. That doesn't work any more.

I have a 2 and 3 year old I've been home on furlough since March while my husband works 50-60 hours a week. He leaves at 7am and gets back at 8pm at least three times a week. He is always out of the door before they wake up and home after they're in bed.

I'm assuming people who've said they're coping fine haven't had to entertain two children who can't read or write or play games or concentrate on TV or films for 12 hours a day (if they go to bed at a decent hour, which they don't!). Each destroys anything the other is doing. They both want the same thing at the same time. I am completely fed up of preparing 3 meals a day 5 or 6 days a week. I'm fed up of washing up and washing clothes and cleaning toilets and changing nappies and trying to be a peacekeeper.

I've probably collectively spent about 6 hours on my own in 12 weeks. And I'm in Wales so nothing is even opening soon. So fuck off anyone who thinks we should just suck it up.

Wtfdidwedo
OMG...these mumsnet posts just get better.

It's called being a parent fcs. I'm wondering why you had children in the first place if you are feeling like this. Yes, in life, as adults, sometimes we do have to suck it up...because we most people realise when they have lived a bit..Life is not always a bed of roses.

I'm sure that when this partial lockdown is over people will appreciate what they have more and feel grateful that they are not living like Syrian refugees who fled war and lost family and their homes to live in a refugee camp for five years.

@ShebaShimmyShake
Good post 🙂

It's called being a parent fcs. I'm wondering why you had children in the first place if you are feeling like this. Yes, in life, as adults, sometimes we do have to suck it up...because we most people realise when they have lived a bit.

Actually, it's called being a parent in a global pandemic of a virus that didn't even exist a few months ago, and without most of the services and activities that exist precisely because parents and kids need them. Do you honestly think we thought life was perfect before we had kids or before life as we knew it shut down?

I bet you actually do believe we thought that.

Life is not always a bed of roses.

God, even your platitudes are crap.

@Taliya do you live in a flat, with 2 children under 5, single mum? Are you being made redundant shortly and don’t know how to pay your mortgage? Are you in lockdown with an abusive partner?
To tell people just to get on with it when you don’t live what thery’re going through is so heartless.

ShebaShimmyShake
🙄

[quote Lovebeingmama]@ShebaShimmyShake
Good post 🙂[/quote]
Thanks.

Ffs. We know we are lucky. We know it could be much worse. I would assume most of us wouldn't, for example, complain about our kids to a woman who's had five miscarriages and no children, or home working to someone who's lost their job and has no idea how they'll pay their bills, because most of us aren't idiots with the empathy of a rock. We know we are lucky to have safe homes, if we do have jobs and good relationships then to have those, we know it. It's still bloody hard after three months of lockdown and people should be allowed to just say so on an anonymous internet forum without all. The. Bloody. MORALISERS.

It's not a moral failing to be struggling after three months of this! We know we aren't starving, we know we aren't refugees, we know we're lucky, but this situation is unprecedented in living memory and it is still hard, even if it isn't the worst thing we've ever been through (as is the case for me; I have had worse than this, I'm glad that's not happening now, but fuck me, this is still tough!).

I do agree we will probably have a new appreciation of life when this is over, and that's a good thing, but it's still hard and it's ok to find it hard!!!

We're seeing family now - just both sets of grandparents and my DF has liver cancer. He said he would rather make memories than sit at home missing us.

I don't care if people judge us any more

I've lived in homeless hostels years ago (one room) single parent (1 year) no money
. I lost my job in April and yes I live in a flat. a few years ago I was ill for 2 years and in pain every day. I'm fully recovered now but it really really has made me more grateful for the small things in life. If you can't change a situation you can change your mindset and how you react to that situation, otherwise you just get more despondent and depressed.
I've also worked and lived abroad and helped a child sponsorship charity in Nepal and so I've known hardship and seen first hand real hardship...homeless street children as young as 6 years old.

I thought taliya was going out to enjoy the countryside.
That lasted less than half an hour before he/she was back berating people 😂😂😂

The previous message was for Alex50

@Taliya

I've lived in homeless hostels years ago (one room) single parent (1 year) no money . I lost my job in April and yes I live in a flat. a few years ago I was ill for 2 years and in pain every day. I'm fully recovered now but it really really has made me more grateful for the small things in life. If you can't change a situation you can change your mindset and how you react to that situation, otherwise you just get more despondent and depressed. I've also worked and lived abroad and helped a child sponsorship charity in Nepal and so I've known hardship and seen first hand real hardship...homeless street children as young as 6 years old.

I am STILL unashamed to admit that I'm struggling after three months of lockdown, and unapologetic for saying so on an internet forum.

Then you of all people should have a bit more sympathy, I hope your comments don’t push someone over the edge.

HelloMissus
I'm not berating people and I'm going out in an hour. I'm giving my opinion on how best to deal with being in a situation you have no control over...The Lockdown or partial Lockdown....to just wallow in misery just leads to depression You have to appreciate the small things in life... I just find many of the posts ...not all of them...near hysterical, melodramatic and just wallowing in self pity. Enjoy your day.

@Taliya

HelloMissus I'm not berating people and I'm going out in an hour. I'm giving my opinion on how best to deal with being in a situation you have no control over...The Lockdown or partial Lockdown....to just wallow in misery just leads to depression You have to appreciate the small things in life... I just find many of the posts ...not all of them...near hysterical, melodramatic and just wallowing in self pity. Enjoy your day.

Ah, so that's what causes depression?

Alex50
Your comment illustrates what I mean by people being melodramatic on this site..and it seems Mumsnet is choca full of Drama!🙄. From my experience wallowing in misery gets you nowhere.

@Taliya
Feeling mentally drained or depressed and needing an outlet for it, isn’t ‘wallowing in self pity’
People have experienced lock down fatigue and/or trauma during this time. If you haven’t fair play ...just jog on.

taliya I notice that you pick on problems you consider petty. And skirt round things that even you can’t minimise - not being able to attend funerals, losing jobs, vulnerable children not being able to go to school.

For whatever reason you enjoy kicking people when they’re down. So yeah, enjoy your day. You sound a peach.

taliya The countryside is that way >>>>>

Anyway back to the thread, for those that are feeling absolutely awful. I feel for you. It is crap, no point to dress it up, far better to be honest and get it all off your chest with a hefty glass of later.

We will make it through this because we have to, not because it has been so great and positive. I am glad I have a life to miss, and one day when we are swimming happily with our babies/watching films munching popcorn/singing along at a concert/enjoying cocktails with a bar full of people we will talk of these lockdown days often I am sure.

[quote Lovebeingmama]@ShebaShimmyShake
Good post 🙂[/quote]
Yeah good post.

Also what about parents who have autistic or disabled children? No one asked for those struggles being a parent but they do their best, then this situation arises and all the structure they had in place falls apart.