Totally agree that much of trans ideology is harmful to women. I was just explaining what people seem to mean when the accuse someone of transphobia.
As a teen, I had lots of very negative feelings about myself, frequently called myself David, could not imagine myself as a woman. I would have jumped at the chance to be trans and get surgery and hormones to stop my development ( and occasionally now I can still see the attraction )
the only way to turn that negativity around for me was to understand the difference between sex and gender, and how your sex does not mean you have to conform to anyone's notions of appropriate. Sex can't change, gender is others people's restrictions, not mine.
Therefore having people define woman as gender rather than sex based is really quite hurtful. Implying that , if I use the woman's changing room I am in some way tacitly accepting that my gender is woman. Does that mean I accept rape? It was my fault? Does that mean I didn't deserve promotion when all the men got it? ( I got quite pissed off when the they appraised me against my peers as mid range only all the peers were a pay grade above me )
The whole idea that you are in the wrong body, that there is something wrong with you if you dont accept the gender identity assigned to your sex, is basically telling me that there is something very wrong with me. I utterly reject that. I am fine as me, female body with very few feminine personality and character traits. I don't need medication, i don't need help to change, I just need to be accepted as I am.
That is what some in the trans community seem unable to do.