Night shift working DH - aibu to expect some help

[Tryingmybest1000]

So before I start I am going to say I know working night shifts is hard, I have done forms of shift work in my life (more very early starts rather than full night shifts though!) So I cut Dh some slack

Dh and I both work full time, I work normal office hours (currently from home due to the current situation, and also in consultation for redundancy - probably adding to my stress levels at the moment!) Dh works a variety of shifts, but predominantly nights. 1 dd(4)

Dh has just started a new week of nights which sees him working from 2200 - 0430, home by 0500.

He has stayed in bed from 0500 this morning, got up to make lunch for himself at 1200, back into bed until half an hour ago to do himself tea.

I have got up at 0530 for a run, got myself ready, woken up dd and taken her to nursery, emptied dishwasher, sorted out two loads of washing (but not put away yet - relevant for later) worked all day including various emotional phone calls with my team who are also at risk and in consultation, taken the bins out, collected dd from nursery, done us dinner, played, fed the pets, showered and put dd to bed.

Dh has now come down stairs and started moaning that nothing has been done (meaning the washing that has not been put away which I will do when I go to bed later, and that the house needs hoovering (which it does but I can't do that while he sleep as I am working and it wakes him up!

When I suggested it would be helpful to either get up a bit earlier to help me out, he stated that I have all day to get stuff done (when I am tip towing around trying notto wake him up) he went on a rant about he has barely had 6 hours sleep and he needs his rest time.

Aibu to expect some help?

@NovemberDecember

please stop.... I can't breathe!!!!!

It was good @NovemberDecember but you've over done it now, MIL inspects houses and without knowing what OP does for a job she's got it easier than her feckless DH? She's at home all day, no she's working, she can do the house work after she's finished, presumably the DC can walk home from nursery?

In case this is real, which it just can't be, I'd be saying some words to MIL inspecting my home

They would be FUCK OFF YOU NOSY BITCH!

I'd also leave a vibrator or dildo out for her to "inspect" as she goes through my home.

@NovemberDecember

Haha, you're funny! (As long as you're not actually being serious, if you are then I feel very sorry for you).

there are certain indicators of a lack of aspiration and sophistication that we should strive to avoid as a family

Is your MIL's name Hyacinth Bucket by any chance?

@NovemberDecember,

You are absolutely right! The lazy woman definitely needs to pull her weight more as she has the fair easier role compared to her poor, poor husband.
I, personally, think she should give up sleep altogether. I mean, what a waste of time that can be better used to scrub that house, iron those shirts, and prepare lovely meals for when her DH returns home from a long six hours at work and for when he awakes from 15 hours of sleep. I feel for him!!

there are certain indicators of a lack of aspiration and sophistication that we should strive to avoid as a family

Is your MIL's name Hyacinth Bucket by any chance?

Hahaha!! I hope that poster is pulling our legs, otherwise her posts are completely tragic.

I work nights (19:30-7:30). I get to bed around 8:30 am and sleep until 15:30/16:00. I then spend time with my family and doing chores before leaving again at 18:30.
Dh works 12 hour day shifts (we don’t see each other which I think may be the key to a happy marriage ) he also does chores.
We both do an equal amount of chores.

NovemberDecember So how do you explain how us posters who work shifts manage children, housework, even exercise yet a poor man who finishes at 4.30am can’t manage it?

@NovemberDecember - yep, you definitely 'married up' 😂 Your MIL appears terribly 'new money'. I know some exceptionally wealthy and 'well-bred' people and they are the scruffiest buggers you'll ever meet! It's all a bit try-hard isn't it? It must be exhausting to be held to such high standards all the time by people you are supposed to have an easy, loving relationship with. I really pity your children. They'll be off before you know it though, that I'd bet my house on.
You sound like a joyless, try hard snob and it's quite worrying that you work in a school. Assuming of course this is not complete bullshit! 😂

@NovemberDecember - Don't worry, I understand.

I had to stop shopping at Boden when they started selling something called 'loungewear' (shudder!). And also when they stopped stocking the particular shades of mustard and raspberry cords DH favours... And little DS's knickerbockers and sailor suits. Sometimes I wonder what the world is coming to.

I'd also leave a vibrator or dildo out for her to "inspect" as she goes through my home.

Still juicy I hope, might as well do it right

OP YADNBU. The only excuse for your DP sleeping for so long is if he is unwell. And there is definitely no excuse for pulling you up on your house keeping.

@NovemberDecember I can't work out if you are a troll

oops..pressed post

But just in case you're not.

Your MIL and DH sound like the sort of people who lack any kind of class or sophistication and sound thoroughly insecure. The most successful people I know wouldn't think twice about wearing unironed pyjamas or having a TV dinner or sitting on their phones...because they don't have to prove anything to anyone.

@NovemberDecember - question for you.

I'm the breadwinner (full time - approx 50 hours per week) and my DH doesn't work. In my situation would your MIL still insist on reporting her 'concerns' about the cleanliness of my home, to me?

Oh dear, NovemberDecember jumped the shark with that last update

Ironing pyjamas?!?!!! Sorry, what?

Well you have put your child back to nursery obviously so it can’t be that bad.

Plenty of folk do all of the above and childcare.

@Giespeace obviously! 😂

Yes, plenty of women manage to work full time, do all the chores to an exemplary standard and care for the little horrors - sorry darlings - when they're not at nursery...

But note emphasis on "women"! What they mustn't do is expect any help in running the house or caring from children from their menfolk, even if they work part time. Because the menfolk need time to do men thing, like manspread in front of the TV and shout, "Wench, where's my beer?".

I would of told him to hoover up himself as it’s clearly bothering him. Nights are hard I work them the advantage is on your first shift of the week you are free in the day so your husband could help you on that day. Also unfortunately when you have a DC you cannot expect to sleep all day.

@birthdaybelle

I know right?! Surely that’s the real issue here!

The phrase all fur coat and nae knickers springs to mind.

I would tell him to fuck right off with his criticism. I did nights for 20 years and never behaved like a twat.