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AIBU?

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Original poster

To end relationship with DP because he rejected my birthday cake

355 replies

Beautifulbirdsong · 10/06/2020 17:27

Been with DP for 3 years, currently separated due to Covid social distancing. It was his birthday last week, spent the day with his children, I accepted it was difficult due to Covid for me to be involved and he said he wouldn't be able to see me separately (it was a work day too). I thought it would be a nice gesture to handmade a large Guinness cake and drop it round along with my present first thing in the morning, so even though I couldn't physically be there I would still be involved in the day (also regardless of what the children did, you can never have enough cake?!?) . I live on the neighbouring street and messaged that I left it on the wall outside (so it would be a nice surprise). Anyway I got a reply 5 hours later asking me to take the cake and present away and bring it back next time it was just the two of us.

This has really upset me and I think shows quite a lot of how little I really matter to him and I want to know if I am being unreasonable to end a good (pre-covid) relationship because of this.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 10/06/2020 19:44

Sorry if it's already been said, but if his children are teenagers with a big appetite maybe he was worried they'd eat most of it and didn't want to share! So wanted to keep it intact to look forward to on a different day? (Because on that day he was already eating a different cake or whatever)

Christ seriously?

SpillTheTeaa · 10/06/2020 19:45

I wouldn't have picked the cake back up or present. I'd tell him to shove it where the sun don't shine.

wildcherries · 10/06/2020 19:45

@Bluntness100

I can’t believe he saw it and made you come and take the cake and present back are you sure he doesn’t have another woman there who he didn’t wish to see it? I can’t think of another reason.
I'm not saying it's wholly impossible, but he could also just be a mean twat out to tell OP that he's no longer interested in the most humiliating and hurtful way.
CoffeeWithMyOxygen · 10/06/2020 19:45

I’m completely missing the point but where do you live that a present can sit on a wall for 5 hours and not get pinched?? Shock

I voted YANBU, he’s acting in a really weird and ungrateful manner and completely dismissed your efforts. I agree with others saying something’s up as leaving them sitting outside all day was not a normal response.

Blatherskite · 10/06/2020 19:47

Guinness cake is inappropriate for children?!?!

Oops, DS was born on St Patrick's Day and I've made him a chocolate Guinness cake every year of his life! That's 13 inappropriate cakes so far!

But seriously, the boiling point of alcohol is 78 degrees. The cake cooks at 180. There's no alcohol left by the time it's cooked 45 minutes later. It just tastes damn good.

ThickFast · 10/06/2020 19:47

It’s not odd to take a cake and present to someone even if you don’t need to. It’s a nice thing to do. Thoughtful. The only possible explanation is that you’re actually a delusional stalker. (I don’t really think you are but that is the only circumstance I can imagine where I would ignore someone’s cake and then ask them to take it away) Or he’s keeping you secret.

Bluntness100 · 10/06/2020 19:48

Op when you say he spent the day with his three kids, did he also spend the day with their mother?

seventhrow · 10/06/2020 19:53

I haven't read all of the messages so apologies if someone has already said the same... Instinct is that your partner has some potentially sensitive teenagers. One of them may have gone to a big effort to make a nice cake for him and your Guinness cake would have shown them up. Guinness cake is particularly fabulous and could definitely look more impressive and be more delicious than a slightly dry Victoria sponge!! If he's had a bit of a rollercoaster day it may have been a bit much to introduce your cake and present into the mix, particularly if he'd tried to make it all about a quality-time day with his kids.

NearlyGranny · 10/06/2020 19:53

Yeah. I'd take it away, but I woukdn't be brining it back. He had his chance.
The Guinness cake sounds awesomely rich. I'm off to Google the recipe!

BashStreetKid · 10/06/2020 19:56

@Leaannb

YABU....A business cake is completely inappropriate for children and you tried to interfere with time with his children
How on earth does leaving a cake and going away amount to interfering with time with the children?
Cassandrainthenight · 10/06/2020 19:58

Bluntness, seriously! Because it's no more odd than randomly being rude and dismissive after years of a good track record?
I missed it was sitting there for 5 hours, any chance he didn't know it was there and responded as soon as he knew? (didn't get/see message etc) sorry can't rtft
I sometimes don't see messages on my phone till many hours later...esp if I'm with other people, wouldn't be on my phone...

CuppaZa · 10/06/2020 19:59

I think he sounds really rude. I can’t really understand why he would have said that to you

Eddielzzard · 10/06/2020 19:59

You did a kind and thoughtful thing. You baked a cake, got him a present and dropped it off. You didn't impact on his day. You weren't expecting him to make a song and dance, just enjoy the gesture. What would it have taken from him? Certainly not to text you to come pick it up!!

If this is an unusual reaction, then I'd let it go. Maybe he's upset about lock down and his birthday. Who knows?

But if this is indicative of his usual behaviour, I'd be reevaluating the relationship.

Runmybathforme · 10/06/2020 20:00

You didn’t do anything wrong, you made a generous and kind gesture. He’s a dick.

Seaweed42 · 10/06/2020 20:00

You said his kids 'know about' you, but they don't know you is that right? Have you not spent a good bit of time with them in 3yrs?
He is trying to keep things separate between his old life and you. You are going out with him 3yrs and he lives around the corner. But you've never been to his house when his kids are there? If the kids weren't there why couldn't you go around before he went to and give him the cake?
Does he need to keep you a secret so he couldn't bring in the cake. Did he need to pretend he had no clue why a cake would be there.
He clearly said he "wouldn't be able to see me separately" so he is keeping everything in neat little compartments.

Cassandrainthenight · 10/06/2020 20:01

Yeah, or as PP said if he has a child/children who already had brought a cake themselves that would kind of spoil their excitement of treating him to a homemade cake?

StamfordHill · 10/06/2020 20:01

This reply has been deleted

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LannieDuck · 10/06/2020 20:03

Its very rude. Odd that he'd closed the blinds so no-one could see it - suggests he's hiding you from someone.

Would love to know how he tries to explain it away...

Seaweed42 · 10/06/2020 20:04

It does seem that you may have felt excluded and then came up with the cake idea in order to insert yourself into his life by doing that.
And why not?
Except that it seems there are 'rules' about when and where you are allowed to see him, and he is the maker of the rules and you are the follower of the rules.
You did something outside his rules and now you see what his response is to that. 'Take your fucking cake back and when it fucking suits me and only when it suits me, then we'll have it'.

User8008135 · 10/06/2020 20:06

He's a rude bum leaving it outside and telling you to take it back. I hope you ate it.

Twickerhun · 10/06/2020 20:06

He doesn’t deserve the cake, or you unless there is a massive apology and explanation coming your way

Marleymoo42 · 10/06/2020 20:08

Just talk to him. Explain you found it a bit hurtful and listen to what he has to say. If his kids had made him a cake it could have been awkward for him. Maybe he didnt deal with it in the best way but his intentions might not have been bad.

GabsAlot · 10/06/2020 20:10

what a twat you text him its outside and five hours later he says can u take it back

he doesnt want someone to know about you

marley if his kids made him a cake he could have just hidden that one till later

windmill4865 · 10/06/2020 20:10

Children not young. Cake not inappropriate. Sounds like his ex was also there .. or someone else.. A lovely gesture on your part given a shove by a dick of a man. He could have taken the cake and pressie in and hidden it to share with you later, if innocently not appropriate. This man is lying to you :( and/or is not a nice person at all ….

MummyofTw0 · 10/06/2020 20:17

I'm with you. I think that was rude of him x

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