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AIBU?

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Original poster

To end relationship with DP because he rejected my birthday cake

355 replies

Beautifulbirdsong · 10/06/2020 17:27

Been with DP for 3 years, currently separated due to Covid social distancing. It was his birthday last week, spent the day with his children, I accepted it was difficult due to Covid for me to be involved and he said he wouldn't be able to see me separately (it was a work day too). I thought it would be a nice gesture to handmade a large Guinness cake and drop it round along with my present first thing in the morning, so even though I couldn't physically be there I would still be involved in the day (also regardless of what the children did, you can never have enough cake?!?) . I live on the neighbouring street and messaged that I left it on the wall outside (so it would be a nice surprise). Anyway I got a reply 5 hours later asking me to take the cake and present away and bring it back next time it was just the two of us.

This has really upset me and I think shows quite a lot of how little I really matter to him and I want to know if I am being unreasonable to end a good (pre-covid) relationship because of this.

OP posts:
Hariboandme · 10/06/2020 19:17

Speaking from the experience of being with someone who likes you and treats you well one minute doesn't the next, I would end it, and definitely follow your instincts! Don't ignore your gut feeling x

Cherrysoup · 10/06/2020 19:19

YABU....A business cake is completely inappropriate for children and you tried to interfere with time with his children

What, by giving them cake? With half a pint of Guinness? Omg, alcohol poisoning all the way!

ThickFast · 10/06/2020 19:20

It’s literally my fave cake, I even feed it to my kids....

That is so unbelievably odd that he would leave your cake and present outside on the wall for 5 hours. Really fucking weird. No one would do that except to make a point. I agree with fizzy that it’s humiliating to make you come back and get it. Normal people would take it in and say thank you. And then share it and be happy about more cake. If there was too much cake then you’d just have to get over that. It’s not like you’ve only been going out a week and you did that, which could be a bit pushy/crowding/intense. But after 3 years! Is there anything else going on?

thepeopleversuswork · 10/06/2020 19:21

I love the way someone has managed to get in a dig about how you can’t be a “proper” couple because you don’t live together as well.

And the “completely inappropriate” cake.

You couldn’t make some of these responses up...

Bunnymumy · 10/06/2020 19:21

I agree with pp. He could have at least taken the cake in. Leaving it there and rejecting it was essentially him making a point of: this is how little you mean to me, dont try to 'own' me with cake.

Not a nice man.

lockdownalli · 10/06/2020 19:23

I think it's really fucking rude of him to tell you to take the cake away.

I would take it back and bin him.

Twisique · 10/06/2020 19:23

Did he take the present or leave that outside all day as well?

I would leave him because I wouldn't want my self esteem to take such a bashing ever again again.

Prettybubblesintheair · 10/06/2020 19:24

I’d be so hurt by this, poor you. As a previous poster said the only appropriate response to someone making you a cake is “Thank you”. I’d be having a very frank talk and telling him exactly how much it hurt you and if he doesn’t have a bloody good reason to justify his response I’d end it. If he does have a good reason (though I can’t think of one) he would have to show me he thoroughly understood that his reaction was horrid and why. And why I was so hurt. And then bake me a cake Grin

But seriously, my dh and actually no one I know (apart from my horribly abusive ex) would respond to such a kind gesture as your “d”p has. Is he generally prone to being an arsehole? Could he be worried about contamination with the cake? Even so, there are a thousand better ways he could have spoken to you.

Hope you’re ok Flowers

Bunnymumy · 10/06/2020 19:29

Also, sorta similar in that I baked cakes and gave some to a guy I was dating. But he wasnt my bf, just someone I had been seeing for a good 6 months (after being mates before too). He left them in his fridge, untouched for over a week (instead of eating a few or even just throwing them out) for me to find when I visited. I got the message - 'I want you to know how little your feelings mean to me'. That really rammed that message home. So I never went back there. Fuck ppl who are cold hearted bastards.

MagnoliaJustice · 10/06/2020 19:30

On another note, OP, if you live in North Wales and fancy dropping a Guinness cake off at mine, I would be very very grateful.

Bin him, ungrateful git.

FiddlefigOnTheRoof · 10/06/2020 19:30

How utterly bizarre to ask someone to take away a cake. I’d only do that to intentionally send the strictest and harshest of messages of someone who had stepped over some line. Could you have done that?

DoingMyOwnThing · 10/06/2020 19:31

He is really rude. Leaving your cake and present 5 hours on the wall then telling you to pick it up! Ungrateful and rude.

Makes me think there was another woman there and he didn't want them to see your cake and present or he is a complete prat.

SistemaAddict · 10/06/2020 19:34

Did he think the cake had corona cooties?

PickAChew · 10/06/2020 19:34

It's been raining here all day. Not the best of conditions for leaving a cake out in, particularly considering how long it took you to make it. Hopefully you still have the recipe.

Seriously, whoever he was with doesn't know about you.

Mrsemcgregor · 10/06/2020 19:37

That wasn’t very nice of him. He would have known that would have made you feel bad. Flowers

Vodkacranberryplease · 10/06/2020 19:38

Bit cold imho. Not moving in and then not replying for 5 hours and telling you to take it away. After 3 years I'd expect a lot better. Not very well
Mannered is he?

Davespecifico · 10/06/2020 19:38

The whole thing sounds odd on both sides, but particularly on his.
It was odd that you left a cake and a present on a wall, particularly as you didn’t need to.
But it was even stranger that he didn’t take it in and save it for another time. If he thought you’d been inappropriate, he could have just brought it inside, stored it and chatted about it when he saw you. All this texting to ask for you to collect it is really weird. Either he’s just a bit odd socially , or there’s something up and he doesn’t want you and the family mixing in any way.

Cassandrainthenight · 10/06/2020 19:39

Sorry if it's already been said, but if his children are teenagers with a big appetite maybe he was worried they'd eat most of it and didn't want to share! So wanted to keep it intact to look forward to on a different day? (Because on that day he was already eating a different cake or whatever)

He should have explained better but whatever it is I wouldn't jump to conclusions and end the relationship over this, looks like a misunderstanding more than anything else if he was a nice DP before this.

Davespecifico · 10/06/2020 19:40

Lol PickaChew. I’m going to check the lyrics now and see if they match this story.

Bluntness100 · 10/06/2020 19:41

I can’t believe he saw it and made you come and take the cake and present back are you sure he doesn’t have another woman there who he didn’t wish to see it? I can’t think of another reason.

Lemonyfuckit · 10/06/2020 19:42

Also baffled by a lot of the responses on this thread. Not remotely weird to bake your DP a cake on their birthday, and in these socially distant times leave it and present outside for him - that's just kind and thoughtful. Nothing about this suggests she was trying to muscle in on his time with his children, that's ridiculous.

However leaving it out there for five hours and his message to you is very weird indeed.....

Only you OP know whether this is an odd anomaly in his behaviour or whether he displays other suspicious or generally ungrateful or twattish behaviour towards you.

Off topic but I soooo want cake now....

Intelinside57 · 10/06/2020 19:43

Bloody hell why are people trying to dream up scenarios and excuses for him? What sort of prat leaves a present and a cake on a wall for 5 hours then asks the gift giver to come over and take them back? Nothing odd about giving your partner a present and a cake on their birthday. Nothing intrusive, controlling, interfering or strange at all. Wierdo. Dump him.

Bluntness100 · 10/06/2020 19:43

Makes me think there was another woman there and he didn't want them to see your cake and present

That’s what I think. He had someone else there and he didn’t wish the questions. So he didn’t want them in the house.

billy1966 · 10/06/2020 19:44

He left the cake out there for 5 hours and then text you to collect it.

OP, we teach people how they can treat us.

You have been treated like shit.

Absolute shit.

I would block him.

I would be done.

But then, I don't accept people treating me like shit.

You sound like a thoughtful kind person.

You asked the question.

Well the answer is YES.

End it.

Own your self respect.👍

diddl · 10/06/2020 19:44

Too weird to make any sense of imo.

Just dump!