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Original poster

To end relationship with DP because he rejected my birthday cake

355 replies

Beautifulbirdsong · 10/06/2020 17:27

Been with DP for 3 years, currently separated due to Covid social distancing. It was his birthday last week, spent the day with his children, I accepted it was difficult due to Covid for me to be involved and he said he wouldn't be able to see me separately (it was a work day too). I thought it would be a nice gesture to handmade a large Guinness cake and drop it round along with my present first thing in the morning, so even though I couldn't physically be there I would still be involved in the day (also regardless of what the children did, you can never have enough cake?!?) . I live on the neighbouring street and messaged that I left it on the wall outside (so it would be a nice surprise). Anyway I got a reply 5 hours later asking me to take the cake and present away and bring it back next time it was just the two of us.

This has really upset me and I think shows quite a lot of how little I really matter to him and I want to know if I am being unreasonable to end a good (pre-covid) relationship because of this.

OP posts:
Lollypop4 · 10/06/2020 20:56

I would be pretty upset about it.
3 yrs is a long time with someone who doesnt appreciate the effort you went too, you left the gift and cake out, you werent interffering with time with his kids....

Really rude

CupoTeap · 10/06/2020 20:59

What a dick

NewName89 · 10/06/2020 21:02

Another woman was there or about to come over. 3 years and you didn't do lockdown together? End it.

Starrynight73 · 10/06/2020 21:05

Op you are clearly way to too good for him. He's rude, arrogant and selfish. He had no thought about how hurt you would be, asking you to take it back....leaving a homemade cake that took time, money, effort and love to sit on the wall for 5 hrs!!! Fuck that! Tell him to get stuffed and save your kindness for people who deserve it.

EmeraldShamrock · 10/06/2020 21:10

He is not worth OP. After 3 years he doesn't appreciate you. Clearly he missed the meno treat others as you like to be treated.
I'd collect the cake eat it all and dump him. Life really is to short. Wine

TheMotherofAllDilemmas · 10/06/2020 21:11

He wanted to do a day with his children and asked to do something another time. You did something anyway... I’d say he’s not being odd or mean, he wanted to spend the day with his children.

There are some times that I want to spend a day alone with my child, there are times my partner needs a day alone with his children. That doesn’t mean we should be rude and ungrateful to each other, popping out to pick up a gift and text a thank you it is not intrusive at all I would say!

Cadent · 10/06/2020 21:14

Hope you're telling him he's dumped OP.

packetandtripe · 10/06/2020 21:16

@GabsAlot

he doesnt want someone to know about you

yes telling you to take the cake and back and leaving it sit there is an angry reaction. Anger at what? Anger that his carefully laid plans were almost disrupted by your unexpected visit. The kids you mentioned are teenagers, doubt they very much cared how many cakes were there.

lilgreen · 10/06/2020 21:17

Yanbu. If his children are older teens and they know about you there was no harm in bringing it in and putter it away until you can see him. It is a strange reaction to a kind gesture. Have a chat and gauge your response on how he reacts.

userxx · 10/06/2020 21:18

What an ungrateful twat. I'll take the cake op 👍

Legoandloldolls · 10/06/2020 21:20

Cake has gone to waste here and that's never ok.

If someone said come back with the cake in few days they would be delusional to think it would still exist.

I think it's weird to just leave it there for five hours? Personally I would eat the cake and mislay the present and let him enquire or not about its whereabouts.

Legoandloldolls · 10/06/2020 21:23

What would he do if you had posted the present? It's a weird reaction thinking about it. Plus I cant believe no one nicked it

BumbleBeee69 · 10/06/2020 21:31

He's a DICK..

can I too have the recipe OP Flowers

Vodkacranberryplease · 10/06/2020 21:33

I'm guessing he had the ex there too so couldn't go outside and come back bearing cake and gift because after 3 years it's either a big bone of contention or she doesn't know you exist. That's bad enough.

But he could have been gracious enough to let you know sooner, and be much nicer and even apologetic about it.

I think that none of us needs divorced men who are that paranoid and cut off that they treat us like a convenience after three years. It's unkind and it's a waste of your time. If you are that concerned about your teenage children and ex being unbearably shocked by the fact that he's been seeing you for three years then don't fucking date. Just don't use people if you don't want them in your life. Or be clear they are not going to be serious.

Anyone who thinks it's ok for him to be with her for THREE years and not introduce her to his children, and treat her decently needs their head read. There is no situation in which this is acceptable if she was not involved in the breakup and he is indeed single.

GalwayGrowl · 10/06/2020 21:34

What kind of rude ungrateful cunt rejects a homemade Guinness cake made for them.

I'll go out with you OP.

villamariavintrapp · 10/06/2020 21:39

I really want Guinness cake.

Getmoveon14 · 10/06/2020 21:40

Could one of the children have written the message to you on their dad's phone?

NoMoreDickheads · 10/06/2020 21:42

I think being isolated and Covid has slightly warped my thinking.

No, you're not wrong, I'd think his response was a bit weird, unless he somehow phrased it nicely. When're you seeing him? Will the cake keep? He could've took the present and cake in and just opened the present when he saw you, rather than have you take it away. And he could've kept the cake.

It does come across as he didn't want you seen or heard at his do, even in the form of a present and cake.

DioneTheDiabolist · 10/06/2020 21:43

What kind of rude ungrateful cunt rejects a homemade Guinness cake made for them.

A weird, shifty cunt with something to hide.

Topseyt · 10/06/2020 21:44

If someone goes to the trouble of making you a birthday cake and leaving you a present then I think it is incredibly hurtful and rude to ask them to take it back.

I'd be very tempted to tell him that.

Sunnyhopefulness · 10/06/2020 21:47

I think you did a nice thing OP - and he was thoughtless and ungrateful and doesn’t value you . Three years is a long time - don’t waste anymore of your time with him

paisleydaisy · 10/06/2020 21:49

This sounds so strange, I can't imagine ever saying what he said to someone - unless that person consistently overstepped boundaries and I was just completely fed up of putting up with it. Even if he had had woman there like bluntness said, there could have been other ways to deal with it. There must be more to this OP?

Chatons · 10/06/2020 21:49

What a lovely thing of you to do, and what a bewilderingly shitty response from him.

WaterOffADucksCrack · 10/06/2020 21:52

I can't believe the amount of rude fuckers on here who would think it's ok to leave a present and cake out and make the giver pick it all up and drop it off again when they fancied!

Something isn't right here, I'd say ex or other woman. Surely any children would be over the moon with 2 cakes. If they're that precious they can't stand their dad being given a present and cake then your boyfriend needs help with his parenting.

However, if someone had explained they didn't want me to be part of their birthday I wouldn't take things over unannounced as I find that rude too.

Overall I wouldn't want to be with someone who I had such poor communication with.

ekidmxcl · 10/06/2020 21:52

Get rid of the ungrateful twat

and realise why his first wife god rid of him!