DP Calling me ungrateful

[diamondeyes]

My DP and I are on RS break, we were going through a rough patch of arguing and I moved out. I needed some space to re-evaluate the relationship. He didn't agree but has given me the space. We have been in contact everyday though. He called me today, asked about my day and told me he'd transferred over money for the Netflix subscription. He also said he'd sent over some extra money if I needed it. I said "Oh ok I will send it back, you only need to cover your half of the Netflix" He snapped, said "You don't have to be so ungrateful!" I explained I wasn't and how dare he accuse me of that. He then said "I never said you was, I said you was being that way! No need to create an argument, but let me guess you will carry this on now for hours because that's just you!" I hung up the phone and contemplating not speaking or seeing him again. AIBU!?

I think it sounds like the relationship is over, but I think you would be unreasonable to not speak to him again; you have to tell him you're ending it.

What is an RS break?

I don't know what an RS break is. I don't see the point in relationship breaks in general though. If you're arguing all the time what's the point in carrying on?

Also how much space can you really have with daily contact?

I think it's kind of controlling to send someone money they didn't ask for then be shitty about it when they send it back.
Yanbu

It sounded like he was trying to be nice, and you were really off with him. Clearly you are annoying eachother a lot at the moment, given you are (both to an extent, though you more IMO) sniping at eachother. Maybe actually take some space from eachother in this break.

I have no idea what a rs break is by the way.

Relationship break?

Yes, YABU

He sounds nice, you sound a pain

(just a guess)

I think if you’re on a break, you should take an actual break and stop the petty arguments. You need space and time to miss each other, otherwise you may as well still be living together!

Half of the Netflix sub is pennies really, is it really worth making a big deal of? Ask yourself what your real beef is with each other/the relationship and resolve to sort that out - ie both work on what you can do to get over this hurdle.

If the money thing is an issue, and that’s why it’s touched a nerve, work out what it looks like for you to feel that money is fairly shared and spent etc. If it’s about a lack of respect or something, ask yourself what needs to change for you both to be happy about that.

Every argument stems from being angry or upset about a need that’s not being met. Very rarely is about the actual thing that you argue about!

It sounds like he was trying to do something nice and you were really unpleasant to him back. If you want to end it with him, tell him in a decent manner, don't snipe and hang up on him.

RS BREAK I assume is a RelationShip break.

Possibly the back story is needed here because on the surface it does sound like he was just sending a bit of extra money in case you needed it at a time when you're likely to be incurring additional expenses having moved out & you threw it back in his face. You do sound a bit high maintenance, so does he have a point about you carrying on & on about things?

Or maybe he's a patronising guy that thinks you can't look after yourself and needs to be dumped?

Very hard to know with so little information.

But if you need a Rs break...maybe what you really need is to break up properly.

I'm always suspicious of relationship "breaks" do they ever REALLY work?

Beginning of the end IMO.

It shouldn't be this much hard work OP.

It may have sounded a bit ungrateful as you don’t seem to have thanked him and he considered that he had sent you extra money as a gift.

I’m imagining though that there is a wider picture that we are not getting here?

Unfortunately I think you were being a bit ungrateful.
He sent you a bit of spare money to cover any other expenses incurred by you having to move out.
You could have just accepted it, you don’t have to use the money but kept it to cover the next lot of Netflix etc.

Sorry for not being clear, RS meant relationship break.
He has always felt the need to look after me so with that I became a bit reliant on him. Since being apart, I wanted to feel a bit more independent.
I'm fuming at him calling me ungrateful. He has just text me apologising.
I agree with what many are saying, I'm concerned this may be the end.

Is this a reverse?

If you're getting that angry with him for paying for Netflix, it should be the end, yes

He was being nice to send extra money. From the way you have phrased it here you came across as rather ungrateful.

He sounds like hard work, and like he resents you. Ditch.

Every argument stems from being angry or upset about a need that’s not being met.
Only if you think it's someone else's job to meet your needs instead of learning how to do it yourself.

You certainly seemed to have responded in a fairly ungracious manner, how you might "explain" that it wasn't.

When you're quibbling over £3, it's time to break up.

Do you have any commitments together (apart from media subs)?

It sounds as if you communicate very badly. You (both) need to learn how to talk in a non-confrontational way. The two of you have a history of such dreary arguments (which your partner, at least, demonstrates here that he refers back to) so if you're not tied in other ways it would probably be better for you to learn it apart from each other and start afresh with someone else.

How on earth do people not understand that unasked for, unwanted, unneeded money sent regardless - without asking first - comes with strings and conditions (for obligatory crawling gratitude) and comes from a desire to control.
WTF do you people not get?