DP Calling me ungrateful

[diamondeyes]

My DP and I are on RS break, we were going through a rough patch of arguing and I moved out. I needed some space to re-evaluate the relationship. He didn't agree but has given me the space. We have been in contact everyday though. He called me today, asked about my day and told me he'd transferred over money for the Netflix subscription. He also said he'd sent over some extra money if I needed it. I said "Oh ok I will send it back, you only need to cover your half of the Netflix" He snapped, said "You don't have to be so ungrateful!" I explained I wasn't and how dare he accuse me of that. He then said "I never said you was, I said you was being that way! No need to create an argument, but let me guess you will carry this on now for hours because that's just you!" I hung up the phone and contemplating not speaking or seeing him again. AIBU!?

He can pay my Netflix christ.. poor guy..

this is the second Thread I've read today where guys are getting a raw deal.. what's going on

There is no such thing as relationship breaks, just a painful interlude between a relationship and being officially single.

It seems to me he was trying and you just threw his effort back on his face. You are done.

The relationship has no legs

He did something considerate
You were fair suggesting he need only pay half (although you could have thanked him!)
He got cross and reveals he thinks that you keep arguments going
You post on mumsnet about the argument

This isn’t pleasant, just end it

@merryhouse Yes we each pay equally for the rent. If it was up to him, he'd pay for everything. He's like that and always has been, since he's a much higher earned, he tells me that any money that I earn, I can keep for myself. However, I have always paid half for bills because I felt it was right.

@sadeyedladyofthelowlandsea I do agree that it felt patronising. We have been together for three years.

I appreciate him wanting to help me out but I just didn't feel he was justified to call me ungrateful because I didn't say "Thank you" I felt he wanted a big reaction from me but didn't get it.

@Mythologies

How was he to know it was unwatered?!

Unwanted!

Do the people thinking he's kind and generous realise how little it costs for Netflix? for 2 people its only around £6 isnt it? not worth falling out about, not really worth thanking a dp for either, certainly not anything to be particularly grateful for

I'm afraid that I am also not seeing your side of this. He actually doesn't owe you anything at all, as it appears. He very nicely sent you a bit of extra money in case you needed it - something he didn't need to do. And you did throw it back in his face. You could have said that's nice. Maybe saved it for a post lockdown coffee with him if you didn't want it. BUt I don't see how you acted as making any effort at all to acknowledge his actions. He's apologised but you don't see that you did anything wrong or that you might also apologise. And actually, he was spot on - you are carrying it on for hours!

Yes, it is time to call it quits. You can't even pretend to be gracious, and if you get this worked up just because he does the wrong kind of nice for you, then it's kindest to stop him thinking that there's a way to win you back.

@Chickychoccyegg

Also not worth the OP going back and saying no need to then following your logic?

I just didn't feel he was justified to call me ungrateful because I didn't say "Thank you"
Do you not feel it was rude not to say thank you? You not actually wanting it isn't really the point.

Odd you think
“Thank you” would be a “big reaction”

@juliet2014
no, its a very minor thing blown out of proportion which means the relationship needs to be over or needs a lot of work

I have never heard it called an 'RS' break - is that usual to call it that? Am obviously out of the loop.

I presumed you meant Religious Studies break, which would have been perfectly understandable

If you need a relationship break after only three years together I'm sorry OP but this is not the one for you.

You're not compatible. He likes to use his money to make his spouse more comfortable as this is what feeds his soul, and you like to be an independent self sustained person.

It is not a break if you are in contact every day.

Do the people thinking he's kind and generous realise how little it costs for Netflix? for 2 people its only around £6 isnt it? not worth falling out about, not really worth thanking a dp for either, certainly not anything to be particularly grateful for

Which makes OP's reaction even worse...

dworky
Giving someone something they don't want and then berating them for refusing it is not 'nice'.
Yup - and it makes me sad that no one can see this.

Do the people thinking he's kind and generous realise how little it costs for Netflix? for 2 people its only around £6 isnt it? not worth falling out about, not really worth thanking a dp for either, certainly not anything to be particularly grateful for
So it was even more ridiculously petty to chuck it back in his face.
I didn't realise it was three bloody quid

He's like that and always has been, since he's a much higher earned, he tells me that any money that I earn, I can keep for myself. However, I have always paid half for bills because I felt it was right.

Let him go. Plenty of gold diggers to snatch him up.

That isn't meant as a criticism of you, btw, OP. You just sound fundamentally incompatible.

Someone who phoned every day when you're supposed to be on a relationship break would get on my tits. I get the impression from the OP however that you may have been phoning him as well as him phoning you?

@Chickychoccyegg It's not just the Netflix bill, he's sent over a couple hundred extra to "help me out" I never asked for it so I simply told him I'd send it back to him which meant I was being ungrateful apparently. He has always send me amounts of money to "treat myself" but as we're meant to be on a break, I felt he shouldn't really have sent it.

@Shatandfattered

* He likes to use his money to make his spouse more comfortable as this is what feeds his soul, and you like to be an independent self sustained person.*

And you got this from him transferring an extra 3 quid!

@Chickychoccyegg It's not just the Netflix bill, he's sent over a couple hundred extra to "help me out" I never asked for it so I simply told him I'd send it back to him which meant I was being ungrateful apparently. He has always send me amounts of money to "treat myself" but as we're meant to be on a break, I felt he shouldn't really have sent it.

Bollocks.

Otherwise you would have mentioned in your OP rather than the £3 Netflix extra!

Sorry but I laughed at half the Netflix subscription. Is that not £6 monthly at most? I'd change the Netflix password and send it all back to him. And I wouldn't be communicating with him again.

And now it's a couple of hundred .