DP Calling me ungrateful

[diamondeyes]

My DP and I are on RS break, we were going through a rough patch of arguing and I moved out. I needed some space to re-evaluate the relationship. He didn't agree but has given me the space. We have been in contact everyday though. He called me today, asked about my day and told me he'd transferred over money for the Netflix subscription. He also said he'd sent over some extra money if I needed it. I said "Oh ok I will send it back, you only need to cover your half of the Netflix" He snapped, said "You don't have to be so ungrateful!" I explained I wasn't and how dare he accuse me of that. He then said "I never said you was, I said you was being that way! No need to create an argument, but let me guess you will carry this on now for hours because that's just you!" I hung up the phone and contemplating not speaking or seeing him again. AIBU!?

Do the guy a favour and end it properly.

@Juliet2014 no, I got that from OP's further divulging of information which included him wishing to allow her to have her entire wage to herself and he would take care of all the bills because it's well within his means. Perhaps RTFT?

You sound like you're being really awkward.
You asked for a 'break' but you contact him every day.
Because you're still in contact he feels he can still do something nice for you (sending £200) and you throw it back at him.

@thisismytimetoshine If you read my original post properly, you will see that I mentioned he sent over "extra money" which is the couple hundred.

I’ve always felt that if a relationship needs a break then there’s is no relationship. A relationship shouldn’t need a break.

Thankyou for everyone's POV, I'm taking on board all of the advice.

Only read the OP

Really snotty response to him trying to do a kind and generous thing.

Otherwise you would have mentioned in your OP rather than the £3 Netflix extra!

Agreed.

@Shatandfattered wow you know the OPs DP really well if you know what 'feeds his soul'.

He likes to use his money to make his spouse more comfortable as this is what feeds his soul, and you like to be an independent self sustained person..

I get it OP. Does he like you being reliant on him? Somehow less capable?

OP it sounds like you may have come to find his attempts to pay for things a bit controlling and you don’t want to spend your life in a relationship where you are supposed to be grateful for things you don’t really want (may even in this case, given you’ve taken a break because you wanted to regain independence, have asked him to stop). That’s not unreasonable.

He may or may not be trying to provide so much because he wants to control you. He may or may not be doing it in order to have you be grateful to him so he can feel superior. It’s possible his motives are totally different to the impact his actions have on you. But it’s possible the relationship he wants is not one that you want or that is good for you.

If there was a lot in the relationship that you also liked and you could see a future if you could find a way trough this issue, it is probably worth getting individual and relationship counseling. But otherwise, you should probably shut your losses.

@Megatron I could say the same for all the MNetters that automatically scream CONTROLLING, RED FLAG, RUN at instances like this god forbid he's actually just doing something to try and provide a little extra that makes him feel good, oh no he's GOT to be up to something more sinister. Bloody ridiculous this place at times

[quote Juliet2014]**@Chickychoccyegg It's not just the Netflix bill, he's sent over a couple hundred extra to "help me out" I never asked for it so I simply told him I'd send it back to him which meant I was being ungrateful apparently. He has always send me amounts of money to "treat myself" but as we're meant to be on a break, I felt he shouldn't really have sent it.

Bollocks.

Otherwise you would have mentioned in your OP rather than the £3 Netflix extra![/quote]
She did mention it in her opening post: ’told me he'd transferred over money for the Netflix subscription. He also said he'd sent over some extra money if I needed it. I said "Oh ok I will send it back, you only need to cover your half of the Netflix" ‘

@Shatandfattered

I could say the same for all the MNetters that automatically scream CONTROLLING, RED FLAG, RUN at instances like this hmm god forbid he's actually just doing something to try and provide a little extra that makes him feel good, oh no he's GOT to be up to something more sinister. Bloody ridiculous this place at times

I do say the same at those kind of comments. They're equally ridiculous.

I think he was just trying to be nice btw but that's just an opinion based on the information the OP has given. I don't think any of us can claim to have any further insight to his personality really.

If you’re both contacting each other whatever the excuse it’s not really a break is it?
It doesn’t sound as if either of you are very happy x

And you don’t think the OP would have used an example a little bit more substantial than “Netflix” if indeed there were other examples?!

sounds like he's not for you, he sounds like he likes being generous with his money (i'm not including paying for Netflix in with that) you dont want that, which is fine, but end it now rather than drag it out, if he knows you don't want his money he shouldn't be calling you ungrateful though, you dont need to be grateful something you dont want or ask for.

I think that your partner was being kind to send the money, and a thank you was needed then, instead of the reply you gave to him, and despite how your relationship is going right now.

I think it's kind of controlling to send someone money they didn't ask for then be shitty about it when they send it back.
Yanbu

You are being kind of shitty throwing back a kind gesture into ‘partner’s’ face and sending it back

YABU

The relationship is over

When you have to take a break, it's over. Move on.

Oh and don't make resolutions to NEVER speak again..this just makes it bigger than it is and more tempting to break it and start talking. Most of the time, a last meeting or text or talk is a lot less explosive.

Just stop responding if it's really over and if you don't have money tied in....

Make space for someone new.

@diamondeyes I do understand that you felt he was being patronising by sending extra money 'just in case'. I went through a period of being absolutely brassic, and DP would, without asking, bung me some extra money now and again - until I asked him to stop, because as I diplomatically explained to him, I'm not his responsibility. So I do understand that it can make you feel like a little kept woman.

Without knowing the real dynamics of your relationship, what I did was thank him, call him an absolute bugger (with affection), and then finally say 'please don't send me any more money, it doesn't sit well with me to accept charity. I know you did it with the best of intentions, but I can look after myself, for the most part xx' He accepted that, and it's not been an issue since.

Have you ever read Jane Eyre? There's a shopping scene that comes to mind...

@shatandfattered You really hit the nail on the head regarding my DP liking me feeling comfortable financially by his money.

@sadeyedladyofthelowlandsea My DP always says "You're my responsibility, I will always worry about you" I got caught up in that but since being apart I realised the relationship can't be that way.
Thanks for sharing your experience.

What an arsehole being aggro for no reason. And no, you don't have to have any further contact with him at all if you don't want to, or only such contact as you want, or need to sort out any practicalities.

You sound like VERY hard work OP.
Sounds like he can't do anything right, even when he's trying to be nice. And you seem to be blowing a small (nice) thing into a huge (bad) thing. Probably best to split up.

I took the OP as meaning what she's said, that he sent over some extra money (what with that being what she wrote in the OP.)