DH wants daughter to sleep in her own room

[WingingItThroughMumLife]

DH has come home from work today and demanded we are putting our DD (9months) in her own room because he's not getting enough sex ()

I don't feel ready to do this as I suffer with CFS/ME so if I don't get enough sleep I can't function. I also BF so I do all the nighttime wake up calls and have her in my bed for about 25% of the night but she sleeps most of the night between 8 and 8 I rarely struggle to settle her she just sometimes will wake up when I try to move her back to her bed!

So DH wants her in her own room starting tonight which means I will be trying to settle her in there and it will reduce my sleep and hers which will make us both cranky.

So AIBU (or selfish) for keeping her in with us until we reduce night feeds?

well I would say OK, take baby into other room and join her in there. he gets the bedroom to himself (and no sex :)

Urgh - what a vile bloke. I'm unsure how DD even came about!

He's treating you like you're there to service him.

Besides all of that. SIDS she's not even a year old yet.

Tell him to jog on.

Has he been talking to an older friend / relative ? I had my DC in the 80s when it was the norm to transfer baby into a cot in their own room by 3 months . In fact one of my friends had her DC in their own room at 4 weeks .

Sure, she can go in her own room, and you can go in with her! Your sleep is important. The last thing you'll want to do once you've done all that is have sex.

Of course, if this did happen, I'd be turning the light on when it was time to go and settle her, bit of stomping, fidgeting etc. basically making it as unpleasant for him as it is for you.

So your DD is in your bed about 25% of the night (for BF) and in her own cot in your room for the rest. Seems like there's ample time for sex when she's sleeping in her cot. I don't see what the problem is with having her in your room!

If HE'D like to get up and start bottle-feeding your DD in another room during the night so you don't need to bf, let him give it a try....I'd love to see his reaction if you suggest this.

Full disclosure, I did move my two to their own rooms around six months and would bf them in a rocking chair during the night. But that was me, you do what works for you. I wasn't comfortable bf in bed as I tended to fall asleep.

Say no and tell him to go into the spare room. If you don’t have one, offer to source him a mattress for for the baby’s room. What a dick

Do you get any say in whether you have sex or not or is it just down to him?

Ok so he sounds like his approach has been a bit twattish. But are you having sex at all atm? Dont you want sex? I haven't got a huge libido but I found bf really killed it in the first 6m, but as feeds dropped & my hormones started to return to normal as my two ate more and more solids, things shifted a bit. I love my DH and wanted the intimacy of regular sex to return, don't you. I'm talking like, once a week, not all the time.

I do think you cant just pretend not to be married for a few years until you can get the kids out of your bed. Not if you love your partner and want to stay with them long term. You both have needs as adults as well as parents.

Cosleeping shouldn’t adversely affect your sex like. Doing it for quarter of the night definitely shouldn’t. Sleep deprivation definitely will. Having a husband who thinks he gets to dictate parenting and marital matters also will.

I’m unclear what the connection is between you having her in bed for such a small part of the night and your sex life. Did he elaborate? Can you explain?

I do think you cant just pretend not to be married for a few years until you can get the kids out of your bed. Not if you love your partner and want to stay with them long term.

Being married isn't just having sex @NoIDontWatchLoveIsland. The OP didn't say they weren't having any sex just that he reckons he's not getting enough. DH and I barely had sex until both of hours were almost a year, but his priority was the baby and me. He understood that I was knackered and yes, he prioritised that over getting his end away.

Your daughter's welfare and hers and your routine come before your selfish husband. Due to the risks of cot death, etc. she would be sleeping in with me for at least 12 months or as long as she is feeding through the night.

He demanded?
I'm sorry but if a man 'demanded' anything off me I'd have his bags packed and out the door for him quicker than he could say the word 'sex.' Urgh what a pig!

*ours

My husband made this point. I told him to sod off. Our two year old is still in our bed.

Being married isn't just having sex @NoIDontWatchLoveIsland

I didnt say it was. But for many people they didnt sign up expecting none or a partner who doesnt want any. I notice that OP hasn't been back to clarify.

As soon as I hear the words “demanded” the words “fuck off” come to my head 😀

Nothing will kill a libido (and possibly a relationship) as quick as exhaustion will.

I didnt say it was. But for many people they didnt sign up expecting none or a partner who doesnt want any. I notice that OP hasn't been back to clarify.

What did you mean then @NoIDontWatchLoveIsland? The only information the OP has given is that he wants more sex and that she's exhausted and still BF. What gives you the impression that she's 'pretending not to be married for a few years'? The baby is 9 months old.

You say many people didn't 'sign up' for it? I doubt anyone does when they marry someone they love. However, when you love someone, you don't 'demand' anything. They understand that their partner may be exhausted and feeling unwell because of her condition (as in the OP). They put their baby's needs before their own. You may have a different view on that and that's fine, but thank god my DH didn't put pressure on me or 'demand' anything from me when I was on my knees with exhaustion and PND. Maybe that's why we're still together 17 years later, we certainly wouldn't be had he told me that he hadn't 'signed up' to less sex than we usually did after I had our babies. He's a grown man who understood things would return to normal in time.

And the OP really doesn't have to report back if she doesn't want to.

With my DC, moving into their own room has always been led by the baby and me. He doesn’t get to dictate that. The fucker. He’s mad me so mad and I don’t even know him.
You are mum. Maternal and paternal instincts/bond are different between mum/dad/baby. Mum knows best at this age. No doubt I’ll have someone flaming me, but with babies, mum has instincts that dad just does not.
Please do not be forced in to something if you don’t think it’s the right time. He’s thinking with his cock.

@Crispyturtle

I disagree. I still want sex when exhausted; I don't when I'm being made to feel it's my duty and that I'm just there as a replacement wank sock.

I despair at some of the stories about twattish men out there. He has no right to demand this of you, unless he is proposing to sort out all the night feeds without disturbing you (which he won’t be).

he sounds like a massive bully. Tell him to get stuffed. If someone said that to me they would never have sex with me again.

These idiots need consider what they might do to make themselves more desirable. Number one would be giving an iota of a shit about the general wellbeing of the person they want to have sex with.

I mean we've been brought up to have a pretty low bar, he doesn't have to don nipple tassels and come up with a dance routine.

Never consider, not need.