Dad's boyfriend doesn't want me to see his house.

[AuntyBess]

DD has a lovely kind caring boyfriend who she's been seeing since November. He's the year above her at her old school, and crossed paths through mutual family friend.

We live about 3 miles apart, when he comes to our house I tend to offer I'm a lift home as his dad isn't keen on driving in the evenings.

At his request I drop him off at the corner of his road and then he'll just jog the rest of the way.

DD had been to his house a few times, so it's not as though he's concealing his life from her.

He's explained that he's "not comfortable yet" having me drop him at his home. I've respected this and tried to understand his feelings.

AIBU to be saddened by this?

Glad to see the COVID 19 monitors are still around giving the advice, wtf would we do without them?

My guess is that his father may react badly to "visitors" be unpleasant so he's scared he'll come out if you pull up.

I reckon his dad is an alcoholic

You don't have to have been to someone's house to sign for a driving licence (or a passport). That would be weird

[quote AuntyBess]@AutumnNymph because I feel like can't vouch (for official documentation) that I know him personally if I don't know where he lives. [/quote]
@AuntyBess since you have known him for a while and built a bond, how does where he lives matter for you to vouch? Again you know your DD has been there and you aren't worried about that.

Not being goady - genuinely trying to understand. I have had people who know me far less vouch for official documentation.

Hit enter too soon. As said up thread, maybe you are making the fact that you don't know EXACTLY where he lives matter more and color your decisions than you realise?

If it does matter to you (no reason it shouldn't) i would just ask my DD if she thought there was anything off at their home or anything you should be aware of?

I feel sorry for the poor lad

Although I'm fond of him, I don't feel spending vague hours with someone for 6ish months means I can vouch for him. But my background is banking and caution is probably ingrained into me.

To those who are asking, DD has confirmed that's it's a difference in financial circumstances that makes him uncomfortable. Reading between the lines, alcohol may play a part too. But she's not mentioned that.

I've no idea why, @Mrsgrindah, you feel sorry for him. I'm back to giving him lifts to help him come to ours - garden time only. So, shrug, I think I'm very accomdating to him and enjoy his pleasant company.

My first thought was his father might like too much of a drink, that's why he doesn't drive in the evening and poor lad doesn't want you to see his sloshed dad, especially with the 'difference in lifestyles'.

I had a friend like this when I was younger never had playdates at her house her mum didn't drive, her dad did but she could never get lifts etc, and her never came to things at school, she was never allowed to do school plays, choir, sports etc after school. We lived around the corner her house was no different to ours.
I'd known her all of primary school and never been to her house, went to secondary, got the school bus home together, I'd locked myself out so went to her house with her. Her mum was there and lovely, we went upstairs to her room, her dad came home and started kicking off something terrible at her mum, screaming, shouting, even at twelve/thirteen and pretty cocky it frightened me. Her mum was trying to placate him and said X has a friend here, that was it he went ballistic about people in HIS house, I said I had to go ran down the stairs and out the front door. I sat on the doorstep at home until my parents got back. It was horrible, but that was her life every day. You don't know what happens in other people's lives.

The fact that your nice to him probably makes him feel worse about the situation, he might be worried that you'll start to look down on him! Just give it time, coming from someone who was in his situation it's nothing to do with you and all to do with him.

@baubled

The fact that your nice to him probably makes him feel worse about the situation, he might be worried that you'll start to look down on him! Just give it time, coming from someone who was in his situation it's nothing to do with you and all to do with him.

Thanks yes you're probably right, patience is required. I'll carry on being hospital le abd enjoying his company. I'm looking forward to Lockdown being eased so we can spend more time with him.

@Laaalaaaa

Where he lives is not your business. I’ve been with my husband 20 years and our parents have never set foot in each other’s houses and never will. We all live in the same city.

This is very, very sad