Dad's boyfriend doesn't want me to see his house.

[AuntyBess]

DD has a lovely kind caring boyfriend who she's been seeing since November. He's the year above her at her old school, and crossed paths through mutual family friend.

We live about 3 miles apart, when he comes to our house I tend to offer I'm a lift home as his dad isn't keen on driving in the evenings.

At his request I drop him off at the corner of his road and then he'll just jog the rest of the way.

DD had been to his house a few times, so it's not as though he's concealing his life from her.

He's explained that he's "not comfortable yet" having me drop him at his home. I've respected this and tried to understand his feelings.

AIBU to be saddened by this?

I wonder if it’s because he has parents who will be nosing at the window to get a look at you and then promptly invite to in for a cuppa and he wants to avoid that awkward moment because frankly what teenager wouldn’t! Or older siblings who would mock him for his gf’s mum driving him home. I can’t imagine it’s to do with the house.

If he is a teenager there could be a million reasons why he doesn't want you to drop him at his door.

Maybe he is embarrassed about his home, maybe he thinks you are judgmental (even if you aren't it doesn't mean he might not think it), maybe he's worried his parents are outside and will embarrass him, maybe he thinks if his parents are out you'll embarrass him. Maybe siblings will embarrass him.

It is completely normal teenage behaviour to be a bit private, especially with overbearing parents of a girlfriend who are being nosy about where he lives, and it is ridiculous to be "saddened" over it.

@SarahandQuack I think you might me right about me being thin skinned.

I'll carry on respecting him and his wishes as I've been doing. But maybe now is the time to be less concerned about how the situation makes me feel.

Thanks

@ineedaholidaynow zzzzz. Do you get up extra early to practice being so boring and tedious?

What is the street like? Google the parents? Google the address?

Could he be going back to a crack den?
Is he going back to a mansion and he doesn't want them to know he's dating a commoner?
Do you drive a French car?

So many unanswered questions!

I'm certainly not looking for an invitation for a cuppa .

It's normally around midnight I drop him off.

But actually not angling to meet his parents at anytime, would be happy to make pleasantries if it naturally happened but I'm definitely not try to engineer a meet.

When I was a teenager one of my boyfriends mum would always come over and talk to my mum anytime I upset her precious son so I wouldn’t tell my next boyfriends parents where I lived for a long time.
Then when me and dp first started dating his mum came over to speak to my mum twice about petty issues while we were on holiday with my dad for 10 days! We was both 18 aswell so no reason she should’ve been grassing me up to my mum When she moved I didn’t tell her where for a good year or so.

@Isthisfinallyit
You can see people as long as you keep your distance and can have sex with someone outside your home...intrigued as to how this works?🤔

Not going to Google 😂

Street is very similar in style to the one I drop him off at.

Do you know the address? I often get people to drop me at the corner because my street is a dead end and quite narrow so it saves the person driving having to do a 10 point turn.

Honestly, just leave it OP. The boyfriend is clearly uncomfortable with you seeing his house, you don't say if your dd has described his home but even if he has a perfectly nice looking home there could be many reasons for his embarrassment. He could just be embrarrassed to tell his parents he has a girlfriend as opposed to your dd being just a friend, he could be embarrassed by his parents.

My DM was not friendly to other parents of my friends when I was a teenager (fortunately my DF was friendly and popular with all my friend's parents). I still remember how excrutiating it felt everytime a friend's parent dropped me off at home and then decided to come up to my front door with me just to say 'hello' to my DM. My DM would stand on the doorstep in an unwelcoming manner and make it clear she wouldn't be inviting the other parent in and had no interest in talking to them. I did everything I could to avoid the dreaded friendly parent meeting my surly DM situations.

In this situation, just have some sympathy for the boyfriend.

These covid-19 monitors are getting very very dull

But in this case IT'S RELEVANT. It's not Covid policing or any other busy-bodying if it's relevant to the fucking question.

OP has now clarified (thanks OP ) but if bf hadn't wanted to be seen getting a lift during lock down then there would have been a simple logical explanation. Only the other day there was a thread where a parent was furious because her son had been picked up during lock down by the girlfriend's parents who hid their car round the corner because lock down

As it is, this situation appears more complex and is probably due to a teenage horror of parents talking to anyone.

Google street view around where you drop him off and the direction he heads off (assuming that isn't a decoy and he turns round once you've gone!) and see if there's any houses that jump out at you if you're that bothered by it.

" I dropped her off where I drop him off."

Ooh, odd!

You've googled the whole street though, right?

@FunTimes2020

Covid-19 Monitors might be getting very, very dull but it is still very, very relevant.

I would have done this. Always got taxis to the corner of my parents rd as especially if late a car pulling up and me getting out would start the dog off and I'd like a crafty fat before I got in.

My ex h would have done the same, although that was because his parents were very controlling and overbearing needing to know every little detail of his life (way into his 20s 🤨)

Your DD goes there? Are you at least aware of the address?

are u sure theyre actually going to his parents house when you drop either of them off

@ilovemtpantry

Yes, we are allowed to have one sex partner rwgardless of where they live and we have to distance from other people. Surely it's not difficult to understand that social distancing is required for all people that don't fall in certain categories? I assume people in the UKdon't socially distance from their babies without strictly being told that they don't have to? Seriously, covid has made me wonder about critical thinking in people. Some things are bloody obvious if you use two brain cells.

@diddl nope not Googled.

@Catforaheadrest yes she goes, and would know the address, but I haven't asked for it.

I suspect he doesn't want to risk his family asking questions. Maybe they don't know he has a girlfriend and think he's with mates.
I'd have looked on Google street view a long time ago though! I'll often look up places, maybe a restaurant before I go, or a friend's new address, or that friend of mum's who she says has a lovely house etc. I thought everyone did, what's it there for otherwise?!

@Gabsalot yes she's definitely there.

If seen photos of him at home and the background of his photos aligns with her photos from there.

How does he get to yours? Is he perhaps being given money for a bus fare/taxi home and is pocketing it as you're giving him a lift?
Or maybe his parents are funny about him accepting lifts from people so he'd prefer to hide from them that he is doing this?

Maybe he doesn't want his parents to know he takes a lift from you all the time rather not wanting you to see his house

He gets the bus here or in Olden Days they'd meet at the gym after school and then I'd collect them both.

No feeling that he's pocketing bus fare. His dad has picked him up from ours a couple of times. But I think prefers not to drive in the evening.