Dad's boyfriend doesn't want me to see his house.

[AuntyBess]

DD has a lovely kind caring boyfriend who she's been seeing since November. He's the year above her at her old school, and crossed paths through mutual family friend.

We live about 3 miles apart, when he comes to our house I tend to offer I'm a lift home as his dad isn't keen on driving in the evenings.

At his request I drop him off at the corner of his road and then he'll just jog the rest of the way.

DD had been to his house a few times, so it's not as though he's concealing his life from her.

He's explained that he's "not comfortable yet" having me drop him at his home. I've respected this and tried to understand his feelings.

AIBU to be saddened by this?

To clarify.

The Olden Days I refer to are a time when gym and schools were allowed.

Goes misty eyed...

Is his name Rodney trotter?

Do his parents know he has a girlfriend? Maybe he doesn't want them to see you dropping him off if they don't know?

Though I assume they do if she's been to his during lockdown for a socially distanced garden visit.

OR

Could he just not want to put you out? I know when I was young I'd ask parents to just drop me off round the corner to avoid them having to do awkward manoeuvres out of my cul-de-sac.

@RJnomore1

Is his name Rodney trotter?

like it

I can see why it's sad, but I'd assume he'll have his reasons that most likely have nothing to do with you personally.

I did similar as a teen after my father and one of his girlfriends came out shouting on the doorstep to a parent of someone I was seeing once who gave me a lift home. We'd been dating months at that point, so they assumed we were having sex and apparently needed to shout about that and what said parent should do about it to the the entire fucking neighbourhood. I pretty much avoided getting my parents involved even before that, they weren't stable, but avoided even being dropped off after that.

@ineedaholidaynow

I assume this isn't happening at the moment.

Irrelevant and none of your business if it is or not.

You don’t need to be the Mumsnet hall monitor.

My first thought @AuntyBess was that his parents didn't know he had GF and he said he was out with his mates but if your DD has really been there, ignore that.

Surely your DD can tell you if they are living in a hole compared to your mansion? That's the obvious reason. or vice versa of course.

He may also feel it's doesn't do his street cred any good to be chauffeured by you but at the same time his parents DO know where he is, I assume?

How old are they both?

YABU.

This is ‘mildly interested’ territory not ‘saddened’ territory.

Teenagers do all sorts of daft stuff for daft reasons that seem totally logical in their own minds. Why you’re giving it any headspace I really don’t know.

Irrelevant and none of your business if it is or not.

No? I'd day it was the whole country's business if someone is blatantly flouting lockdown and risking infecting us. But of course that only applied to DC didn't it? :)

I would guess that he's embarrassed about something, maybe his house, parents or you dropping him back?

Is it a street of identical houses? He's embarrassed about something, poor divil.

Does he not like the look of your car?

The reasons are entirely to do with him and nothing to do with him being 'mean' to you. You are taking it personally maybe because there's a part of you want to get approval and recognition from his parents.
What would the lad do if you didn't drop him home. Why are you offering, why not let his Dad get over his fears of driving at night instead? It Bothers you this giving of lift and it being taken for granted.

I was going to suggest he's embarrassed too. I remember my mum giving a lift to a boy I was at school with back from an event we were at and he was quite ashamed and said he didn't live in the best area and she could just drop him nearby. It was really sad.

@LoveSummerNotIcecream

Don’t feed into the drama

What drama? D'you mean the bit where he dramatically says 'Could you drop me off at the corner, please?'

He could have a million reasons why 1) much better off than you 2) much poorer 3) drunk parent 4) absuive parent 5) a parent that might have no social boundaries or you have no social boundaries (!) 6) feel the lift isn't necessary and so want to take you up on it not to appear rude etc. I guess as time goes on -you might one day drop her around or pick her up (raining or something). Providing I sought clarity from my daughter that there was no abuse in the house, drugs, alcohol etc I would just leave it.

Teenagers are very funny about some things aren't they.

I wasn't allowed to my long term boyfriend's mum's house as a teen until we'd been together 3 yrs. Turned out she lives in a run down tower block flat but in a fancy area of central London so he'd preferred me to think she lived in a fancy place in the same area or something?
I was confused but it made sense to him at the time, apparently!

Don't read too much in to it.

@Eckhart don’t know who you’re responding to but it’s definitely OP who is the drama llama!

Yes, teenagers can be very strange @Susanna85

DD is embarrassed by the fact that I exist, no extra effort on my part required. Maybe the lad feels emasculated by being run around by his girlfriend's mammy.

Maybe I’m a nosy old cow but this would drive me nuts!
I’m not offering a lift if I can’t have a nosy at the house! Jog on!

DD is embarrassed by the fact that I exist, no extra effort on my part required. Maybe the lad feels emasculated by being run around by his girlfriend's mammy.

^ This.

I always made my Dad drop me round the corner at school. He was just an embarrassment to me. Shameful behaviour but very typical of teens.

He doesn't want the in-laws round. Who does?

I would respect his wishes as it could be anything, even something like his parents are having marital issues and he's worried his dad might take an interest in you or something like that.

Is he from a more modest background? Maybe he is ashamed of being poor or something.