Dad's boyfriend doesn't want me to see his house.

[AuntyBess]

DD has a lovely kind caring boyfriend who she's been seeing since November. He's the year above her at her old school, and crossed paths through mutual family friend.

We live about 3 miles apart, when he comes to our house I tend to offer I'm a lift home as his dad isn't keen on driving in the evenings.

At his request I drop him off at the corner of his road and then he'll just jog the rest of the way.

DD had been to his house a few times, so it's not as though he's concealing his life from her.

He's explained that he's "not comfortable yet" having me drop him at his home. I've respected this and tried to understand his feelings.

AIBU to be saddened by this?

What’s the road like? Is it in a less desirable area than where you live? Maybe he feels embarrassed that his family aren’t as well off as you are - or of course vice versa, depending on the circumstances.

If, as you say, he is kind and caring, I would accept his wishes and focus on the fact that your daughter has found someone nice. There’s plenty of time to find out more if and when the relationship progresses.

@borntohula

Here here *@zscaler* it's so predictable and dull.

That should be hear, hear.

It seems weird. Why can’t you drop him outside the house rather than at the end of the street. Do his family know he has a girlfriend or is he telling them that he’s going to visit a friend. If he’s keeping your daughter secret, maybe that’s why he doesn’t want his parents to see you. To be honest I’d stop driving him as let him walk, cheeky git. Don’t feed into the drama.

@ineedaholidaynow

Maybe OP isn't in the UK? In my country we are allowed to see people as long as we keep the distance, we are allowed to have sex with a non live in partner. Our daily death toll is around 2.

How old?

Perhaps he's not allowed to get lifts from strangers. Perhaps he gets given bus money and doesn't want to admit he hasn't spent it on bus tickets. Perhaps he wants to avoid cringe-inducing parent to parent conversations.

And anyway, this isn't happening now through lockdown right?

What does your daughter say about this? Does she know why?

And anyway, this isn't happening now through lockdown right?

Why is there never a steamroller nearby when you need one?

So your daughter has been in the house & met his family?

It does seem odd that he wouldn't want you to drop him off.

It's not as if he's trying to hide anything is it?

We can all assume it’s not happening right now, particularly when it’s not remotely relevant to the OP’s question.

Of course it's relevant to the OP's question because if it's happening now in lockdown then we can understand exactly why his parents may not want him getting in someone else's car. If it's not happening in lockdown then there must be other reasons.

100% relevant.

@FamilyOfAliens I could blame lack of sleep but really, I'm just stupid! Thanks.

It's not that I want to see his house, it's not conventional to drop someine home and not actually drop them home.

And, yes, last week she went to his to sit in the garden and socially distance. That was the the first she'd seen of him since March 22nd. They didn't have a barbecue, so I guess they didn't abide by The Rules

I would agree with PPs, he's probably embarrassed about something, could be his house, Street, or father

Have you asked your dd? I’m guessing that he’s embarrassed

To clarify he hasn't been in my car recently. The lifts home were prior to Lockdown.

Reminds me of pretty woman and another films there is usually an issue with parent- although doesn’t mean it is in real life.

So long as he treats her well I wouldn’t worry some families are more open houses than others

Yes I think it's consciousness of a difference in lifestyles.

But I'm saddened that after 6 months, that desire of his to conceal his actual house hasn't diminished.

I think as the mother of a young guy that he is probably worried that his father might embarrass him !! Or he just prefers to have a walk or jog out of choice. I really wouldn’t read too much into it .

"it's not conventional to drop someine home and not actually drop them home."

Happened to me many, many times, been dropped off at the nearest bigger road to avoid to much of a detour to the person dropping me off, even happened when sharing taxis with others.

his dad isn't keen on driving in the evenings

Might be drinking. Might be embarrassed. I would leave well enough alone.

Did you drop your DD off, so did you see his house?

Well, if you're sad because you're worried he doesn't have a very happy/pleasant home life, that's fair enough.

Otherwise I think you're being a little bit thin skinned. Who knows what goes on with teenagers? Maybe his parents don't know she is a 'girlfriend' rather than a friend, and he doesn't want you to spill the beans. Maybe he's innocently tailored certain details of himself for you and he doesn't want his parents to spill the beans. Maybe he doesn't want to feel like a ten year old being dropped off after a party.

It's his business.

Maybe he has parents like mine who would want to sit and chat for ages haha. I used to also tell my ex boyfriends dad to drop me off at the corner because I liked being able to walk myself for a few mins

@ineedaholidaynow I dropped her off where I drop him off. I'm perfectly happy to respect his wishes.

Cross post.

You make it sound as if different 'lifestyles' are a trivial thing and he ought to rise above and let you in. I think that's a bit unfair. He could be really embarrassed about something - it's not for you to decide on his behalf what he gets to mind about and what he doesn't.

@zscaler

I assume this isn't happening at the moment.

Please don’t be so tedious. Every thread that mentions any kind of interaction at all these days has someone sanctimoniously popping up to check that there isn’t a breach of lockdown occurring.

We are all adults. We can all assume it’s not happening right now, particularly when it’s not remotely relevant to the OP’s question. You don’t need to be the Mumsnet hall monitor.

I couldn't have put it better myself! These covid-19 monitors are getting very very dull