Dad's boyfriend doesn't want me to see his house.

[AuntyBess]

DD has a lovely kind caring boyfriend who she's been seeing since November. He's the year above her at her old school, and crossed paths through mutual family friend.

We live about 3 miles apart, when he comes to our house I tend to offer I'm a lift home as his dad isn't keen on driving in the evenings.

At his request I drop him off at the corner of his road and then he'll just jog the rest of the way.

DD had been to his house a few times, so it's not as though he's concealing his life from her.

He's explained that he's "not comfortable yet" having me drop him at his home. I've respected this and tried to understand his feelings.

AIBU to be saddened by this?

Odd , almost rude.

Maybe his Dad sits on an old sofa in the front garden like Onslow in a vest, surrounded by empty Carlsberg tins.

I didn't like getting dropped off at home as a teen as my mum was weird about me getting lifts off friends' parents - we were very poor and my mum often couldn't afford the petrol, so I happily got the bus everywhere. On the rare occasion she saw me get dropped off, I'd feel like I was rubbing it in that she couldn't pick me up, or she would ask 'if I was SURE Beth's mum didn't mind!? It's very nice of her!' in a way that made me feel guilty. It wasn't that she was annoyed, just clearly felt guilty and that in turn made me not want the lifts.

I wouldn't worry!

How old is he? Can you check round to see his parents and say "hi" anyway? Just make sure there's nothing weird going on - he's not really a pimp operating a brothel etc? I'm only half joking, sadly.

Depending on how old your DD is I wouldn’t be happy with her spending time in a house that you have not been allowed to see and don’t have the address for. One or the other. Clearly if she’s 18 or 23 or something this doesn’t apply.

He's welcome get the bus home, seems to prefer having a lift done can have longer time with DD.

I don't think I'm being dramatic to the PPs suggesting that.

They're both 18.

His it's been implied that dad likes to have a drink so that's why he doesn't want to drive in the evening.

What is your house like OP? I think it has to be that he's embarrassed by his own house and doesn't want you to see it, which is sad. I particularly think this is likely to be the case if your house is big and fancy, which is why I ask.

He's been watching Little Fires Everywhere.

@InFiveMins yes there's difference in lifestyles, which can initially be awkward, but after all this time, and becoming fond of each other, I would have thought that it would have diminished.

As I've said above I'll stop viewing the situation wrt how it makes me feel.

Could it be that his parents don't know he's spending time actually inside your house? Maybe he's fed them a line about social distancing as in "don't worry DM and DF, we sit in the garden 6ft apart" and you dropping him to the door will reveal his lie? Of course if your DD is going inside his house then they obviously don't have this concern.

(For the record I'm not the lockdown police, I'm just offering an idea)

His it's been implied that dad likes to have a drink so that's why he doesn't want to drive in the evening.

Perhaps he likes it a little bit too much and the son is embarrassed.

CharmerLlama all lifts have been prior to Lockdown.

StillCoughing I hadn't thought of that actually.

Perhaps.

@Bluntness100

Why do you want to see his house?

Are people being deliberately obstuse. How can you not know when you drive someone home it is normal to drop them actually at their house and not a distance away so you can’t see it.

He is an adult, his choice He is lovely to OPs daughter, they seem happy so I don't see why it matters

His parents don't know where he's been? So he doesn't want them to see you dropping him off

Yes he is lovely.

Hopefully I've overcome it.

Not sure when I'll next drop him home. Can't see any ending to Social Distancing 😬

I've been asked to witness his driving license application.

That's a big nope from me

I’ve been with my husband 20 years and our parents have never set foot in each other’s houses and never will. We all live in the same city

Weird

Op, I would have thought that you would talk to your daughter about why her boyfriend is reluctant for you to see his house.
Has she described his home?

I’ve been with my husband 20 years and our parents have never set foot in each other’s houses and never will. We all live in the same city

Weird

What’s weird about that @Hadjab? I’ve been married for a few years and whilst our parents have met at our wedding and a few birthday parties, there has never been any need for them to go to each other’s houses. They’re not friends, they’re just two separate groups of people who would normally have nothing in common and nothing to do with each other. The only thing they have in common is us, and we don’t force them together, there’s no need.

I appreciate that some people’s parents hit it off and do socialise together. But it’s not the case for everyone. Nothing weird about it.

@AuntyBess

I've been asked to witness his driving license application.

That's a big nope from me

Why?

I appreciate that some people’s parents hit it off and do socialise together. But it’s not the case for everyone. Nothing weird about it.

I appreciate that you may not find it weird but I do. It’s odd.

@AutumnNymph because I feel like can't vouch (for official documentation) that I know him personally if I don't know where he lives.

@AuntyBess I’ve had colleagues/acquaintances vouch for me for documentation before and none of them have ever been anywhere near my house. But they’ve known me for a decent amount of time.

How long have you known your daughter’s boyfriend?

Colleagues have witnessed forms for me and haven’t the foggiest where I live - how bizarre.