My 12 yr old fell asleep an hour ago and he’s been so awful I’m tempted to leave him to sleep through

[savetti]

What’s the chances he’ll sleep right through
This is the first time I have had any peace for weeks

So sorry to hear that his Dad died six years ago. You have done a wonderful job. My husband died too but we had no children. There were days when I could hardly get out of bed and I have huge admiration for women who went through such a terrible time while at the same time having to look after small children. Well done.

I hope today's a better day for you both, OP. You're doing your best in a really difficult situation, and I hope you can find a way to get a bit of a break soon - I'm sorry I don't have any useful suggestions for how; my own kids are all little and clingy and wanting me all the time, which I realise is normal, but it's so exhausting, isn't it?

Did you decide to leave him asleep, in the end? Did he stay asleep?

I had this issue with my dd when she was 4/5. She basically held me hostage. She was desperately worried about me and her way of dealing with it was to not let me out of her sight. I employed a child psychologist, who worked with Dds worries and made a sticker chart to change her not very nice behaviour. Your ds is obviously too old for the latter. But you could create house rules. We had things, which were easier to attain like putting her coat and shoes away and others not so eg playing alone for 1/2 hour (not interacting with me unless urgent), being kind to the dog, being kind to me etc. She then accumulated stickers and these were converted to the currency of toys or clothes depending on how many she got. Then she worked with dd - different therapies to unburden her bag of worries. Dd and I then had to play story cubes so she could practice discussing her emotions, so I’d ask her questions as she told the story. www.storycubes.com/en/histoire/

Seeing her really helped. If your ds’s behaviour has ramped up since his dad died, this is definitely linked. It was actually my friend, who pointed out my dds behaviour wasn’t normal. I was just so Ill that I didn’t see it. It didn’t fix everything. Dd still wanted to be watched constantly practicing gymnastics and on the trampoline. But she did slowly leave me alone more and more. Now at nearly 12, she is more laid back. She doesn’t have diagnosed Sen. She does have some sensory issues, which I’m aware of. Not the school. Dh imo is on the spectrum and as she gets older, I’m starting to see more traits in her. But she wouldn’t meet thresholds.

Idk I’d this helps. I hope your ds slept. My dd is going to sleep ridiculously late. Dh hadn’t even noticed. And I’m getting him on the case to get her to put the games down at 11pm max. I’m asleep well before then being an ill person.

What happened, *@savetti.

Do you g out for a good walk each day with him? Mine sleep better when they went out in the afternoon. There is something different in the air, apparently which helps them sleep. Mine were younger but it might be worth a try n

My daughter has always been a terrible sleeper. The GP has medicated her in the past but we don't want that anymore. I have got her some magnesium to help with her. She would rather sleep all day and be up all night. She can't switch off. When she was three she would be in bed reading encyclopaedias and never learnt to switch we brain off to rest and recover. She is on course for four A * at A level which is great for her but I wish she could sleep!

He’s still asleep!
I need to get in the shower now, so that will probably wake him up

Thats good that he has slept through. Hope you feel better for getting a good nights sleep. I was going to say he sounds just like my son, and mine has Autism. He has a diagnosis of high functioning autism and is an exhausting whirlwind. It sounds very tough for you

Glad he slept through hopefully today will be easier.

bedtime is usually about midnight

Sorry, but this is bonkers. You need to sort his sleep routine out; no wonder he slept through.

You may find he's easier to deal with once he gets enough sleep.

I glad he slept through. He obviously needed to sleep.

I was going to say hope for the best, but prepare for the worst.

Really glad he slept through, hopefully it will have done both of you a world of good.

Really glad he slept through. I hope today is a better day for you.

He slept because he needs it now shower quickly

My daughter has ASD (Aspergers type) and has slept badly all her life. Takes hours for her to settle and we put in place very good routines. Some people are like that. My DH and NT child are nearly as bad. People blaming you for not getting him to sleep earlier don’t get it.

My DD went through a phase of excessive sleeping when she was 11. Fell asleep in the bath, on the sofa, at school!!!. I took her to the GP as I was so worried as she had melatonin on prescription as her sleeping is so poor. Nothing came up and it passed after a few months. Periods started soon afterwards and she is tall and quite developed for her age so I assume puberty.

It sounds like hard work for you right now. Hopefully with educational psychologist on board you will start getting some answers and strategies to help him. Good luck.

@GreenFingersWouldBeHandy
How do you suggest the op changes this?

@savetti honestly you are doing the best you can especially with what you are dealing with.

Melatonin for children has to be prescribed. It’s only been tested on a handful of children and the long term effects aren’t known on them. Some of the side effects aren’t nice. One of mine was legally prescribed a small dose. Never again. Some countries won’t license it for children.

I think sleep issues are hereditary in my family. Various members have various sleep patterns.

When I’m well I average around 4 hours, sometimes this can be every 36 hours. Yea really. When I’m not I fall asleep everywhere. Just how some of us are wired. And yes I have tried everything, I’ve been like this since I was a child and in my 40’s now.

Melatonin for children has to be prescribed. It’s only been tested on a handful of children and the long term effects aren’t known on them. Some of the side effects aren’t nice. One of mine was legally prescribed a small dose. Never again. Some countries won’t license it for children.

This isn't right there have been extensive trials in children and young people with neurodiversity.

pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/29096777/

Well he woke up naturally about 8
Very confused and starving!
But he’s fine, energised, not dopey/sleepy

I’m not worried about him going to sleep at 12, like I said, his body clock always goes back after school holidays.

Was it nice having abut 12-14 hours of peace?

When it comes to long term impact it hasn’t been tested on a lot of children. The lack of info is constantly talked about. A lot of the types of meds can be hard to come off because the sleep patterns are still there.

Here’s another one that goes into more depth. I would hope though that op and anyone else reading will go and look more into this than just buying online as a pp suggested.

www.bmj.com/content/345/bmj.e6664.full.pdf+html

Nephew takes melatonin.

op so glad you both had a great nights sleep.

I know you’ve had lots of good advice on here, hopefully you can take some of it up.

I hear you OP, my seven year old is similar. He has ADHD and despite a regular bedtime routine, good bedtime habits etc, he rarely falls asleep before ten, despite getting into bed at half seven. Lat night it was after eleven. He just can't shut off. It's frustrating not only for him, but for us, as he is very full on, hyperactive, non stop talking, tactile, all. day. long. We need the evenings to recharge ready for the next full on day, which is difficult when we end up going up and down the stairs all evening to get him back into bed.

Congratulations on your full evening and night's sleep! I bet you feel amazing this morning

Reading this, I predicted that he'd sleep straight through!

He sounds a bit like DS, who is younger. Confirmed sensory processing issues as well as reduced executive function (which is the bit around organising and planning). Sleep has been a nightmare from the start. And he copes remarkably well with less sleep than I would think is needed but then does crash every now and again like he needs to catch up. I am always grateful as everything else improves at same time. Usually the behaviour deterioration as a result of tiredness doesn't happen overnight. It takes a while to happen so we don't fully realise what's happening until he gets his 12 hours at some point.

I think with children like these the effort to help them with sleep is unfortunately never ending, but you have to keep trying. So you can accept that they're not going to sleep like their peers but where you can, help to figure out better solution. In your case, I'd consider letting him sleep past 10 at least some of the time as a way to let him catch up on his sleep.

[and for record, if anyone suggests its parental "fault", I assure you, that's bollocks. We, hilariously, have children at opposite ends of the spectrum. DS who struggles with sleep, overall clearly needs a bit less sleep than average and was 8 before he slept through and then there's DD who has always been a good sleeper and age 5 still routinely requires 11-12 hours. She didn't sleep through until she was 3 but her "wake ups" involved a bit of crying, 30 seconds of back patting and that was it. Parents of her friends are gobsmacked when I tell them I need her asleep before 8 during term time and I still then have to wake her at 7:30 for school.... ]

@savetti
You know him and the sleep he usually requires. Sometimes the crash happens and as he nears adolescence they might happen more.

When schools are finally open as he’s been doing until now he will be able to control it even the crashes.

It’s these things that make teen years more costlier in food. They don’t want to wake the house up at 3am when they wake up hungry. Keep stuff around that can be eaten as is, toasted, kettle, microwave etc. @

So mine wouldn’t eat everything in site I gave them a space in the fridge/freezer and cupboard for midnight munchies when their sleep was off again. More than two of us so also reminded others to leave it alone.

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