My 12 yr old fell asleep an hour ago and he’s been so awful I’m tempted to leave him to sleep through

[savetti]

What’s the chances he’ll sleep right through
This is the first time I have had any peace for weeks

People.on here have no idea. My DS bedtime was about 9.30/10pm at that age with no devices off any sort in his.room. He still rarely fell asleep before 1/2am. He has great difficulty falling asleep and still.does at 15. We managed to get him some melatonin prescribed recenlty which worked wonderfully for a few weeks but he refused to take them because they make him sleepy and he doesn't like the sensation of losing control of himself ( or falling asleep)

Let him sleep and get some rest yourself

How is he at school OP? What’s his behaviour like? Can the school offer any support

He doesn’t leave me alone
He wants to be everywhere I am, follows me around, won’t do anything independently

OP this sounds concerning and not normal behaviour for a 12 year old, I would guess ADHD or autism. You sound very stressed and suffocated. I don’t think he should be sleeping in your bed at that age and needs to respect personal boundaries, you need your space too. Get a GP phone consultation.

Ourchristmasmiracle- you’re is the first explanation that makes sense.
He’s not obviously worried about me, doesn’t care if I go out without him, doesn’t ask what time I’ll be back, but he constantly tells me how much he loves me but can be very Horrible to me. More so now with the homeschooling.
I wouldn’t describe it as being clingy, although he is literally on me a lot of the time.
He has to share everything with me, says ‘look mum’ a million times a day, makes me watch YouTube videos, rewinds them if I don’t pay attention. He’s obsessed with movies, Star Wars, marvel, dc, characters but just as obsessed with how they’re made. He now critiques everything we watch

I haven't read the whole thread, so apologies if I'm echoing anyone.
My experience.
I have a 13yo DS, he struggles to fall asleep early and always has...likewise my DD (now a grown up) and me. He also likes to wake up late and even nap occasionally. Unfortunately life and routine gets in the way of this sometimes
Being a teen he does get tired, it's very, very normal and does has trouble self motivating. Also normal.
I make sure I feed him the occasional vegetable, make sure he is socialising with his friends at least online, nag him to do his homework, chat to him, watch inappropriate and funny films, look at memes, beat him at board games once a week and make him walk the dog with me sometimes.
He says he 'games' with his best friend most days. I asked if he missed seeing him face to face and he said 'It's no problem, I don't want to hold him!!!' I asked him if he was concerned about social isolation, online learning and all that. He said no, it was all fine and it wasn't forever. So all seems okay for the short term ( but I wouldn't want it to go on much longer.)
If he was anxious, withdrawn, not eating and not engaging, then I'd want to know what was going on.

I was going to try and advise you to keep a good sleep wake and eat routine then I realized you put twelve years and not twelve weeks! Im sorry you are struggling Op.

OP, your son is older than the advice in this article is aimed at (Please someone rearrange the grammar in my sentence, I'm tired and can't do it!) but I think it might be worth a look?

www.ahaparenting.com/parenting-tools/connection/play-child-emotional-intelligence

I recognise some of what you're describing and know exactly how hard that can be. I do find getting outside, and physical exercise, makes an absolutely enormous difference, too. And pay attention to diet, too. 'Simplicity parenting' was another book that I found useful, for a son who is easily overstimulated. It boils down to - try and keep environment as clear and simple as possible. Put clutter away, have routines (they help me as much as the kids, less mental effort expended).

I feel for you, it can be so impossibly hard sometimes. And lockdown is just making everything so much harder. I'm sorry to hear about losing your son's dad, too. Sounds like you have so much going on at the moment. Is there anyone you can ask for help?

3 out of my 4 dc’s sleep patterns are completely up the wall - friends have said the same about their dc’s so I don’t get the shock about a 12yo going to sleep at 12 - my 8yo doesn’t go to sleep til about 12 most nights despite us putting her up at 9pm. I have no doubt they’ll all get back into their routine once they’re back at school.

Dd14 fell asleep after a walk earlier at about 5pm but I woke her up for dinner as I knew if I didn’t she’d be disturbing me mooching around tonight. It’s different for you though Op, your ds sounds very full-on (but lovely) and you sound like you need the peace!
Sending unmumsnetty hugs xx

((((Hug)))). Or maybe you need > more!!!

Maybe your Uncle's day care centre could do a 241, for you!

I'm not at all surprised you locked yourself in the bathroom for a cry. That constant being on you and mum, mum, Mum, is massively bloody draining!

I'm so sorry about your DH/his Dad, that definitely makes it so hard!

It's ok to get help for vulnerable people and right now I'd say you're BOTH vulnerable, do you have anyone that would have him for a few -- months-- hours?

Definitely start having 'Mum Time'. as a PP SAID, explain that you love him, but you need 'alone/quiet time '. start slowly & build up.

I hope you're asleep now and that he sleeps through. You both need it

Take care of yourself 🌷

Awww, sorry you're having a shitty time OP. Covid really sucks.

OP have you tried melatonin? You can get it easily abroad, not sure about the UK and it helps so much.

You need a mum time out. The only time I'm not bombarded is when he online games and can blather on to other people. My rule, if I'm sat down quietly with a coffee its mum time

And yes adhd meds for him keep me sane

Mine have been up until about the same time. 5 year old included. Was driving me potty! But their routine is in shambles! However 5 year old went to school today
. First day back. Up at 7:30 and went to bed today at 9pm which isn't a bad start for first day back after months of sleeping late! Once their routine goes back to normal so will their sleep patter. Get some sleep your self op

Has he had any bereavement counselling or anything @savetti? Just with you saying he tells you he loves you all the time, it's a little like he's desperate for that to be the last thing he says to you 'just incase' if you know what I mean? Him losing you obviously plays very heavily on his mind. I'm not sure how it works with children but I find my anxieties present themselves the most at night and that really impacts my ability to fall asleep

Melatonin needs to be consultant prescribed, in this country, but it's a goo thing for @savetti to bring up when the diagnostic process gets back on track.

My teens both have ASD, one with co-morbid ADHD and their sleep is all over the place, at the moment. Doesn't help when 16yo goes to the loo at 4am and wakes up 14yo (comorbid SLD) who spots sunlight and says hey, it's daytime, let's get this party started!

After repeating the 4am waking the next morning (no DS1 involved, this time), I got DH to take him for a long walk, after dinner, last night. That's reset his pattern so much that he's fallen asleep after 10pm, 2 nights running - he was still talking to himself about 10 minutes ago. I don't think it helped that the weather has been so foul, this weekend, that a good walk has been difficult.

It sounds incredibly hard for you both. Hope you're getting some rest, op

That's very tough.
He sounds very hard to handle.
I hope you let him sleep so that you can get some respite.

I know it's yet another thing to do, but find out about getting more support for your uncle. You've got enough on your plate .

My 12 usually gets himself ready for bed around 9pm and falls straight to sleep but since the lock down he isn't getting to sleep until between 12 and 1am! My 10 year is the same. I don't like them going to bed so late but they both insist they aren't tired. My 12 year gets himself up to do school work around 7.30/8am but my 10 year old has never been an early riser. The lock down has messed up their sleeping patterns but I'm not stressing over it at the moment. They aren't usually like this when at school.

from 12+ I'd not get to sleep until around 1am.Then be dragged awake at 7 for school. Still a night owl

On weighted blankets, if you get one made from micro glass beads with a cotton cover they are nice and cool. I can’t recommend a brand- I got mine from Australia- but found that mix was cool enough to use in the tropics.

I don't think midnight is so obsenely late when there is no school to wake up for in the morning. One of mine is 12 (very nearly 13) and I'm delighted that she can have a more natural sleeping pattern inline with her body clock/growth spurts. I'd say midnight is the average time she goes to bed and she sleeps until we wake her around noon. We had a similar evening where she fell asleep before dinner very early in the evening and I was sure she'd be up in the middle of the night but she slept until her usual time! I'm sure she was having a growth spurt that week as she slept loads. I was just glad she didn't have to get up for school. Doesn't research say teenagers naturally have a delayed sleep phase? Going to be late doesn't automatically mean they aren't getting enough sleep.

You shouldn't wake him up, leave him to wake whenever. At 12 years old, he is old enough to sort himself out. But midnight bedtime is not good for that age. He needs a better,and proper sleep routine.