My 12 yr old fell asleep an hour ago and he’s been so awful I’m tempted to leave him to sleep through

[savetti]

What’s the chances he’ll sleep right through
This is the first time I have had any peace for weeks

Any school holidays, he would drift into this sleeping pattern, always goes back to normal after the first day of getting up or school.

I am thinking that his body needs it
Wouldn’t it be amazing if he got up tomorrow at 9am all bright eyed and bushy tailed and positive !!

I feel for you. My DS has always found it hard to wind down for sleep. No GCSE’s so he is currently nocturnal. It does reduce friction as I’m not trying to get him up all morning!

My 13yo would sleep through from now. She has always needed a lot of sleep, and every couple of weeks she will (normally) come home from school, go straight to bed and tell us not to eat her for food.

I’m sorry you are getting no peace. No SEN here (well, dyslexia) and no time to myself, so I fee, for you.

Op, You really need to Google "circadian rhythm children/child development." I really think your son's sleeping habits are causing far more problems than you're aware of. His body and brain are going through massive development and growth, and proper sleep is critical. I think the poor kid is utterly exhausted.

Hang on...

He doesn’t leave me alone
He wants to be everywhere I am, follows me around, won’t do anything independently, including schoolwork. He sits on me, to hug me, squeeze me, get my attention

Am I missing something here? This sounds like an understandably upset and insecure child (lockdown) seeming comfort from his mum?

And you run away to the bathroom to cry and get away from him?

It is hard during lockdown. Our dc have needed far more extra attention and comfort than usual. Why can’t you give this to him without running away and crying?

Christ @Dhalmeup I'm guessing she doesn't run away from him every time he needs her, she sounds at the end of her tether and just needed some space and a cry. Why don't you make her feel even worse 🙄

@ Wilberforce1 which is why I ask? I am assuming there must be something more to it than just her child needing extra comfort.

I’d let him sleep...my 13 year old has been all over the place with his routine since lockdown...not doing enough in the day to tire him out, not able to get to sleep, then overtired pale and red eyed....every so often he’ll have a day where he gets in bed really early, just to catch up I think! I wouldn’t wake him he’ll no doubt be groggy and won’t then go back to sleep until midnight!

When mine have done this I’ve let them sleep through. Not all the time do they wake up at silly o clock.
There was food always available and mine always reach for the cereal because to them it’s breakfast.

A lot of them are stressed at the moment. Their whole life is on hold. They don’t even know if they will finish school. Away from friends etc.

My youngest is 14 and doing this now. Before lock down he was already under mh care.

Some days he’s done the school revision work, most days no. School have been excellent and keep reminding that education guidance focuses on mental health. He won’t fall behind because no one should be learning new things.

My 16 year old fell asleep at 5pm and I’m so grateful for the peace that I’ve left him to it.

Am I missing something here? This sounds like an understandably upset and insecure child (lockdown) seeming comfort from his mum?

And you run away to the bathroom to cry and get away from him?

It is hard during lockdown. Our dc have needed far more extra attention and comfort than usual. Why can’t you give this to him without running away and crying?

I think this is a little unfair. Do you have any children with SEN? I do. Sometimes, however much I want to give them all the reassurance they need, it can be just too much. Children can (and do) ask for more than you can give. Lockdown is stressful for parents too, and it doesn't sound like OP has a partner there to share the load. I'm sure she's doing her best.

Yes I do, both did and ds have diagnosed autism, as do I.

I can not see what the ds is doing that is so awful op had to run away and cry. Is it other stress getting too much for you op maybe? Is there anyone else available to care for uncle?

Let him sleep. Could be a growth spurt. Enjoy the peace

If you are having to wake him up at 10 am he it's not getting enough sleep. My now 16 year old it's terrible at going to sleep. He seems to need an hour or so to wind down after he's in bed. When he was small he always woke at 6 am regardless of when he went to bed it was a bit of a nightmare.

When he hit 12, I remember being utterly amazed when he fell asleep on the sofa after school, it was just something he didn't do. During lockdown he had been going to bed at about 10.30pm some morning he's awake at 8 other days it's 11, but I don't wake him up, I let him come too naturally so I know he's getting enough sleep.

I would cover your son up, keep him warm and let him sleep for as long as he will, if you wake him now he probably will not go to sleep again until early hours off the morning. His behavior sounds like he's is very insecure and anxious, all of which will be exacerbated by tiredness.

Be kind to yourself and enjoy the night off

I would also leave him - you may find he’s unwell or just needs a big sleep.

My DS is also 12, he has SEN. DS can’t fall asleep before midnight (term time it’s usually around 10.30. If I leave him he sleeps until 12/1pm, I usually wake him around 10 - occasionally he’ll wake at 7 am (rarely anytime between 7 and 12!). Sleep is a big issue for children with SEN, particularly thaïes with ADHD/ASD.

I hope tomorrow is a better day for you. Can you contact the school SENCO to see if they can offer any support?

Yes I do, both did and ds have diagnosed autism, as do I.

You and your children all have autism and you can't empathise with the fact that someone might find it suffocating to have someone constantly sitting on and squeezing them and following them around constantly trying get their attention?

Dhal- there is no more Time in the day that I can give to him. I am with him physically and emotionally in his every waking minute.

Under all this, it’s very possible that it’s an insecurity, Especially as it’s only me, his dad died 6 yrs ago. but believe me I reassure him about how much he is loved.
We actually are very close, we talk aBout anything and everything, he has a million questions about everything and theres nothing I shy away from.

I would leave him.

Have you considered a weighted blanket for him? It sounds like he might find it soothing.

Yes fruitpastille, I just asked here for recommendations, But I don’t know about him getting too hot. I don’t want to spend a fortune or get the wrong one.

Sounds like you are doing an amazing job. Its good he's fallen asleep early, maybe he'll get up slightly earlier like others have said and if not, so be it. This time is tough for everyone, ignore ignorant comments x

You and your children all have autism and you can't empathise

Sorry, I did laugh at that sentence. I can empathise, just not display it well.

@savetti I am sorry for your loss, it sounds very hard for you both. You do sound under a lot of pressure, would your uncle be able to get any help toward caring from the council to give yourself a bit more of a break?

Leave him. He needs more sleep than he thinks he does ... hopefully he'll sleep through the night.

Sorry you're having a tough time, OP.

Yes fruitpastille, I just asked here for recommendations, But I don’t know about him getting too hot. I don’t want to spend a fortune or get the wrong one.

My son is autistic. We had the same heat/expense worries as you with the weighted blanket, so instead we got a compression blanket. It's been really good. They're like a stretchy sock that goes over the mattress and they provide a nice pressure feeling without the weight. If you search for 'sensory bed sheet' or 'compression blanket' they come up.

Op he sounds like my toddler- I was hoping my toddler would grow out if it by the time he’s 12 so I can understand your frustrations it must be so draining never to have one second alone. Is he well behaved? Or just completely clingy?