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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think a UK size 16-18 is not curvy but fat?

541 replies

GymGirl23 · 08/06/2020 17:25

Yes I know some will probably flame me for using the word fat but I'm concerned about some family members. The Mum is 5ft 4" with 3 daughters aged betwen 18 and 22 who are all a similar height. She and the eldest both take medication for High BP and the other 2 daughters are also heading that way.

The Mum said a while ago that it was 'great' they could swap clothes as they're all now a size 16-18! What bugs me is they are totally clueless about health topics and diet and the Mum has fed the girls crap diets all of their lives high in salt, fat and sugar. Even when they cook at home it's high in fat and sugar with huge portions! The worst part is she buries her head in the sand saying they're luckily not a fat family but are all just curvy girls and that it runs in the family along with High BP! The fact is they are all FAT and it's self inflicted and unfair on themselves. The girls are huge now with double chins and have no waists but hey they take great care with makeup, tan, hair and nails so that makes it OK then? Why can't they see what they're doing to themselves? My Mum says I shouldn't offer them advice as they get very offended if anyone ever suggested they were even slightly overweight but I would like to help them as I know alot about nutrition and keeping fit.

Are people who are that size truly happy with how they look and feel and do they believe they're not fat but have curves instead?

OP posts:
pinktaxi · 08/06/2020 18:47

Society has normalised fat by shouting down people who have the nerve to point out it's not healthy. I've lost count of the obese people who've said, I am size 16, but I'm healthy, or thin people are unhealthy too.

I would 100% guarantee you would not find a doctor saying someone 2+ stone overweight is healthy.

MaddieElla · 08/06/2020 18:48

And here we go with the "I'd much rather be overweight than slim" like every slim person rations their bananas ffs.

Wake up

FourTeaFallOut · 08/06/2020 18:50

I do think a size 16 at that height is well into fat territory but you should keep your nose out - it has nothing to do with you. I would hope they'd keep their nose out of your business too, wouldn't you? Or are you perfect?

Sonichu · 08/06/2020 18:50

"
Yes, of course they are fat, particularly if they aren't tall, and wearing a modern high street size 16 to 18. They would probably have been in a size 20+ not so long ago, but vanity sizing keeps driving the numbers down!"

Bingo!

Miseryl · 08/06/2020 18:51

Curvy is a shape not a size. You can be a size 8 and curvy or a size 18 and curvy.

Alsohuman · 08/06/2020 18:51

I would 100% guarantee you would not find a doctor saying someone 2+ stone overweight is healthy

Would you? My mum’s GP said he wished his blood pressure was as low as hers. I’m the largest of my friends and the only one not being medicated for a long term condition. Go figure.

TimetohittheroadJack · 08/06/2020 18:52

Well it seems there are quite a lot of posters (including myself) who are a bit chunky. Maybe the OP could give us some of her wise wisdom? How should we be losing weight?

Should we just eat less takeaways and make some home cooked meals?

Reduce portion size?

If only all us fat folks had thought of that!!

shas19 · 08/06/2020 18:52

You sound sad in yourself

ArtieFufkinPolymerRecords · 08/06/2020 18:53

You weren't really clear what YABU and YANBU were in the vote. If it was your question in the title then YANBU.

I am 5'4" and I would imagine to be size 16-18 I would have to be several stones overweight, and would most definitely be fat.
I hate it when people use curvy as a euphemism for fat. You can be a size 8 with no excess fat and have curves.

Nottherealslimshady · 08/06/2020 18:53

Although I agree that they're most likely quite unhealthy. It really is none of your business. We all make unhealthy choices in one way or another. And it is very difficult to change your behaviour towards food once its ingrained.

user1488481370 · 08/06/2020 18:53

As a 27 year old who has struggled with her weight most of her adult life I have to agree with you.

I’m now ‘heading towards’ a healthier weight but it took an awful pregnancy with high BP, hospital admissions and some pretty strong words from certain doctors to realise that I’d put myself and my baby in grave danger by conceiving with such a high BMI. I was a size 22 at my largest. I was fat, morbidly obese infact. I’m a size 14-16 at the moment and I still class myself as fat.

I have great sympathy with those who battle with their weight. It’s tough and not a life id want for my own children. I certainly wouldn’t be rejoicing at the fact we could swap clothes.

MitziK · 08/06/2020 18:53

@GymGirl23

Yes I know some will probably flame me for using the word fat but I'm concerned about some family members. The Mum is 5ft 4" with 3 daughters aged betwen 18 and 22 who are all a similar height. She and the eldest both take medication for High BP and the other 2 daughters are also heading that way.

The Mum said a while ago that it was 'great' they could swap clothes as they're all now a size 16-18! What bugs me is they are totally clueless about health topics and diet and the Mum has fed the girls crap diets all of their lives high in salt, fat and sugar. Even when they cook at home it's high in fat and sugar with huge portions! The worst part is she buries her head in the sand saying they're luckily not a fat family but are all just curvy girls and that it runs in the family along with High BP! The fact is they are all FAT and it's self inflicted and unfair on themselves. The girls are huge now with double chins and have no waists but hey they take great care with makeup, tan, hair and nails so that makes it OK then? Why can't they see what they're doing to themselves? My Mum says I shouldn't offer them advice as they get very offended if anyone ever suggested they were even slightly overweight but I would like to help them as I know alot about nutrition and keeping fit.

Are people who are that size truly happy with how they look and feel and do they believe they're not fat but have curves instead?

You're either about 14, in which case, get off the grownups' website and go back to posting on TikTok, or you must be incredibly dim to think that interfering in somebody else's business is ever going to be a good idea.

Leave them alone. if they want advice from you, they'll ask for it. Might not take it (and might realise what a twat you are being), but if they ask, give them advice on what worked for you. They'd be better off asking somebody with actual qualifications, but maybe they'll humour you for a short time.

NoMoreReluctantCustodians · 08/06/2020 18:53

So OP can you confirm if you're equally appalled by people sitting on a beach for an entire fortnight in very hot climes? Being as that's so bad for your health and as you obviously care so very much for your family members' health? Grin

CammieKennaway · 08/06/2020 18:56

Trust me - I'm a similar size and height as your mum and I know I'm fat and don't even pretend to be anything else - but I was once extremely slim and toned with a 24" waist until a whole host of health problems hit me all at once (along with an admittedly unhealthy lifestyle brought on by pain and depression) and I am so glad that I don't have someone like you around me!
I pretend to be bubbly and "love my wonderful boobage" but deep down, I loathe myself and I see the disgust in other people's faces when they look at me - I cope by pretending I don't care, but I feel so worthless that I've even contemplated suicide because of people like you offering unsolicited advice.
Often it's not "just fat" and dieting and exercise - there's often mental damage too brought on by prejudice and depression and also the physical pain caused by the weight which makes you not want to exercise - not an excuse, but some people (like me) use it because we believe it whilst we're feeling so crap about ourselves.

Healthyandhappy · 08/06/2020 18:56

Why don't u message and say your joining slimming world and u dont wanna go by yourself and ask if she wants to join with u. I go slimming world I'm 10.7 and 5ft6 so anyone can go.

Inkpaperstars · 08/06/2020 18:57

Haven't RTFT. In answer to your thread title, most of the time. Certainly for me when I am those sizes I am less curvy as have lost waist definition etc. But there are some people who are so curvy that to fit their hips they have to wear a 16 jeans, then the waist is way too small. There are people with a build that doesn't fit the UK sizing well and they can be wearing 16 even though they are curvy and not overweight.

Re your relatives, I understand the need to intervene and wouldn't be against you helping them if there was a way to do that didn't make matters worse. Unfortunately I am not sure there is.

I wonder if somehting more is going on than just weight though, there are many 18-22 year olds very overweight these days, but it is still very young to be seeing high BP or diabetes as a result. I am surprised by that.

Inkpaperstars · 08/06/2020 18:57

Big, the waist is too big!

Noconceptofnormal · 08/06/2020 18:57

Did your mum ever advise you to 'mind your own business'?

Of course they are overweight at that dress size, but I think they know that. I'm a size 12 and I'm overweight,but I don't need anyone to tell me, I'm perfectly aware thanks.

Healthyandhappy · 08/06/2020 18:58

I wouldnt say a size 16 fat neither.

jakscrakers · 08/06/2020 18:58

GymGirl23 suck it up buttercup, you don't sound well intentioned you sound condescending, if you want to keep them as good family members don't say a word to them or you may be the one who ends up losing, losing the weight of good family members

GinWithASplashOfTonic · 08/06/2020 18:59

I range between 12-16 depending on the shop, item of clothing and fit . you calling me fat or curvy?

You can't judge someone's BMI based on the clothes size.

Yabu

mmorestress · 08/06/2020 18:59

I would say 16? I have massive boobs so I wear a 16 on top and 12 on the bottom. Personally don't think clothes sizes define how fat your are to be honest.

mmorestress · 08/06/2020 19:00

*wouldn't

EmeraldShamrock · 08/06/2020 19:00

OP I hope you are wearing your tin hat and armour starting this thread. Your wording wasn't great but yanbu to be concerned. I do understand what you mean about the personal care my niece's spend hours applying make up, tan, wearing designer clothes both are a size 16 at 5ft4 it is concerning as they are still teenagers.

strugglingwithdeciding · 08/06/2020 19:00

Not your business to say as I'm sure they realise they are overweight , dr would of mentioned at least
I'm overweight I know I am I don't need anyone else to tell me and it isn't anyone else's business
Ironically I suffer from low blood pressure though , but I wouldn't appreciate someone telling me how to loose weight , if I ask for advice then fine . And like most overweight people I know how to do it , not always easy doing it though especially when like me you don't eat lots of junk anyway

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