To think a UK size 16-18 is not curvy but fat?

[GymGirl23]

Yes I know some will probably flame me for using the word fat but I'm concerned about some family members. The Mum is 5ft 4" with 3 daughters aged betwen 18 and 22 who are all a similar height. She and the eldest both take medication for High BP and the other 2 daughters are also heading that way.

The Mum said a while ago that it was 'great' they could swap clothes as they're all now a size 16-18! What bugs me is they are totally clueless about health topics and diet and the Mum has fed the girls crap diets all of their lives high in salt, fat and sugar. Even when they cook at home it's high in fat and sugar with huge portions! The worst part is she buries her head in the sand saying they're luckily not a fat family but are all just curvy girls and that it runs in the family along with High BP! The fact is they are all FAT and it's self inflicted and unfair on themselves. The girls are huge now with double chins and have no waists but hey they take great care with makeup, tan, hair and nails so that makes it OK then? Why can't they see what they're doing to themselves? My Mum says I shouldn't offer them advice as they get very offended if anyone ever suggested they were even slightly overweight but I would like to help them as I know alot about nutrition and keeping fit.

Are people who are that size truly happy with how they look and feel and do they believe they're not fat but have curves instead?

Op, you may think you're coming across as supportive and caring, but from your title you come across as a nasty person and bitchy.

Actually YANBU. But they know they’re fat really, they do. They have to realise and sort it themselves but your advice won’t be welcome.
I’m 5ft 4, 14.5 stone and a size 18. I’m not curvy, I’m obese.

Just remember OP - beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes right to the bone. Please realise that "thin" is not necessarily an indicator of good health! A friend of mine's cholesterol is sky high and she's slim! Of course thinner usually is healthier, but you do sound really judgmental. And that's not a good look.

Thanks amijustparanoidorjuststoned

You’re not allowed to say this OP, despite your best intentions

It is fat.

And yes they realise. According to the masses. So what you need to do is not to tell them they are fat, you need to ask them what they're doing about the fact they are fat to make themselves healthier and be less of a burden on the NHS in the future.

Is that better?

Okay, so using your alcohol/drugs analogy, how effective do you think a family member chipping in with unsolicited advice would be?? How many, many, many threads on here from OPs with alcoholic DPs stand testament to the fact that people have to come to their own realisations and that this kind of (being generous) well-meaning advice can have the opposite effect? You don't sound like you're qualified to help them just because you've lost some weight yourself. If anything, it'll come across smug. And the idea that you can't possibly hold them in contempt because "they're family!" is naive at best, more likely disingenuous. Weight is a complex issue and the simple solutions - eat less/move more - are no help with the matters going on beneath. I seriously doubt, from the (lack of) insight you've shown, that you have the advisory skills sufficient to have a positive effect. Are you willing to be responsible if they lose weight then pile more back on??

Tootletum
People do many things which aren't in the best interests of their health, their behaviour can continue without judgement if the effects aren't obvious to the casual observer. To shame people on the basis of judgements we make in light of what we can see is bullying.

I'm s similar size at 5'8". I carry the weight on my tummy, which is quite large. I'm definitely plump, but don't have rolls everywhere.

I don't have any mobility problems, and feel fit and well. I can't run a marathon but can walk for hours, lift heavy weights etc. I don't feel unhealthy per se.

The hourglass shape, whether that be size 8 or 18 is curvy. Anything else is wishful thinking.

Wind your neck back in op.

Technically, yes you’re right but your attitude is shit. It’s none of your business if they’re fat.

*It seems everyone who's calling me names on here are the fat ones. What a surprise that is! Keep on kidding yourelves then.(

And there the mask of concern fell. Try cultivating emotional intelligence in yourself with the time you will get back minding your own business.

Every fucking day a fat bashing thread. Christ, fuck off already.

gymgirl23

You are starting to piss me off a bit. You are completely ignoring any post that isn't feeding what you want to hear.

Iv got experience of addictions and dangerous behaviours or conditions (one sibling nearly died from a heroin addiction and still hasn't "recovered") drugs, alcohol, smoking, mental health issues, self harm, suicide attempts, domestic violence and abuse, eating disorders and obesity in my family to name just a few off the top of my head and the advice Iv given hasn't changed from my earlier post.

When a fully functional adult has decided to make choices you deem unhealthy and even dangerous you can't change that just because you want to or comment (even hard drugs as you have mentioned)
they are very infact almost positively aware of the choices they are making. Comments and "trying to help" (especially unsolicited) are far more likely to make them jump further into the choices because they feel shamed.

Unsolicited advice is almost never helpful even when it's meant well, it's judgmental. Especially when it's coming from someone who hasn't experienced whatever they are commenting on.
I know you have had a bit of extra weight but that is decidedly different from someone who is several stone overweight.

although I apologise if iv misunderstood your post where you mentioned bordering on fat.

and @tilder I bet your husband tells them they're fat. And weirdly, that doesn't help them lose weight.

The NHS needs to spend a lot more energy and resources on supporting people to have healthy relationships with food because most fat people don't. Unfortunately, the money all goes to fixing the results rather than the causes which ultimately costs much much more.

How about going and doing something a bit more constructive in your life?

Thing is, a lot of people are fat because of their relationship with food. You've said how amazing you are at nutrition and fitness, but none of that matters if someone isn't in the right mental place to listen.

I eat when I'm happy. I eat when I'm sad. I eat when I'm stressed.

I know all about nutrition and fitness, but that doesn't stop me reaching for the comfort food when I'm in a bad place mentally.

How sure are you you can help? I mean, do they really need nutritional help or emotional support?

Back to your question, I don't think a size 18 can be anything other than overweight, but a size 16 could be a healthy size on a really tall woman.

You can be curvy at a size 8, you can be curvy at a size 18. A lot of people use curvy as a polite way of saying fat, but not all fat people are curvy and not all curvy people are fat.

A good acid test of how curvy someone is whether they have a small band size and large cup size. E.g. a 40H will be fat (breasts are big, but only because so is the rest of them) whereas a 28H will be skinny but top-heavy (so disproportionately curvy).

I'm currently losing weight as a direct response to Covid, but it's not actually a healthy thing to do. Taking down my BMI should in theory reduce my risk, but the way I'm obsessing over calories really isn't healthy either. I'm acutely aware I'm at risk of developing disordered eating, but for now, the benefit of reducing my Covid risk is high enough to me to let it slide.

I'm 5'4" & a size 16 verging into an 18 - i have mirrors in my house, I know I'm fat, I know that I need to cut the crap & exercise more (& I will) but I don't need anyone else's unsolicited advice on what I need to or should do!

I had a conversation with moan to a friend about it last night & she offered support if I wanted to get my fat arse into gear which is great & she will do that but fuck me OP I wouldn't want healthy living advice from a judgemental twat like you!

Oh & I have a waist - my problem area is under the damn thing!

Being fat shortens lives

Sometimes. My mum lived to be 97 with the blood pressure of a pubescent girl. At size 18.

You’re probably right but it’s none of your business. Stay out of it unless they ask your advice or for help.

Are people who are that size truly happy with how they look and feel and do they believe they're not fat but have curves instead?

^^yep I'm a size 16, I have completed national three peaks challenge. Deadlift twice my weight and recently taken up couch 2 5k. I love my shape and being active. I also love food. Have previously been a size 8 before. Counting every morsel of food. Wouldn't eat a whole banana in one go to avoid calories. Much happier this way. Wouldn't want to live that way again. At a push, I wouldn't mind a stone off but I don't care enough to dedicate time to it. Maybe when pandemic is over I might feel differently

[quote GymGirl23]@AnxiousElephant77 I'm not a vile person for caring about my family. You are to say such a thing.
It seems everyone who's calling me names on here are the fat ones. What a surprise that is! Keep on kidding yourelves then.[/quote]
Oh I missed your last post writing my last one. You obviously are just nasty and get a thrill from hurting others.

This is a very touchy subject, OP, as some of the replies show.

Yes, of course they are fat, particularly if they aren't tall, and wearing a modern high street size 16 to 18. They would probably have been in a size 20+ not so long ago, but vanity sizing keeps driving the numbers down!

There's nothing you can do, though, without causing offense. It's something they have to tackle (or not) themselves. It's normal for them as a family.

Well maybe I am a vile, deluded fat person but this is a bloody awful thread.

When I was over weight my Mum told me. She said I'd put on the pounds jokingly. I hadn't really noticed how much until I weighed myself so I know people sometimes don't realise it. It gave me the push I needed to do something about it though! Of course I wouldn't mention their weight, I'd focus on nutrition and working out. As of today Mum said the eldest girl is now being tested for type 2 diabetes and she's so young. I feel sorry for her the most.