To think a UK size 16-18 is not curvy but fat?

[GymGirl23]

Yes I know some will probably flame me for using the word fat but I'm concerned about some family members. The Mum is 5ft 4" with 3 daughters aged betwen 18 and 22 who are all a similar height. She and the eldest both take medication for High BP and the other 2 daughters are also heading that way.

The Mum said a while ago that it was 'great' they could swap clothes as they're all now a size 16-18! What bugs me is they are totally clueless about health topics and diet and the Mum has fed the girls crap diets all of their lives high in salt, fat and sugar. Even when they cook at home it's high in fat and sugar with huge portions! The worst part is she buries her head in the sand saying they're luckily not a fat family but are all just curvy girls and that it runs in the family along with High BP! The fact is they are all FAT and it's self inflicted and unfair on themselves. The girls are huge now with double chins and have no waists but hey they take great care with makeup, tan, hair and nails so that makes it OK then? Why can't they see what they're doing to themselves? My Mum says I shouldn't offer them advice as they get very offended if anyone ever suggested they were even slightly overweight but I would like to help them as I know alot about nutrition and keeping fit.

Are people who are that size truly happy with how they look and feel and do they believe they're not fat but have curves instead?

How would you like it if a 'well-meaning' member of your family came up to you and said 'politely' that they were concerned for you as they felt you were too slim? Would you be inclined to tell them to mind their own business and ask what it had to do with them?

I am overweight and I KNOW I need to do something about it. If we could all be a size 8, believe me, we would!

Lots of people struggle with their weight every day and have fat- shaming thoughts. It is very easy to comment on someone else when you are no idea what they are going through.

No one really has a go at someone if they smoke or drink but it seems to be perfectly acceptable to have a go at a fat girl who needs to lose weight!

Yes, you are right their diet is probably terrible but that is up to them and the last thing they need to be reminded of is that they need to overhaul their dietary habits by a skinny member of the family however well meaning you think you might be. Also, there is a reason they take care doing their hair, lips, tan and nails, because, obviously, if you are FAT you might as well just curl up and die as you are a disgrace to society and there is no point doing hair and make up if you are fat!!

Be a bit more understanding or just mind your own business.....

Are people who are that size truly happy with how they look and feel and do they believe they're not fat but have curves instead?

I am a bit taller than them and size 16 at the moment but sometimes 18. I am happy with how I look and feel (I can run 10km so I think I'm pretty healthy), but I would definitely describe myself as fat rather than curvy. I don't see fat as a derogatory word, it's just factual - I have a lot of fat on my body. I'm not curvy in the sense of hourglassy either, I'm straight up and down.

I don't think there's much point in giving these people advice, as they don't sound ready to accept it (you have to be in the right frame of mind to make lifestyle changes that stick), but I don't think you're BU to think of them as fat. It might be better not to say that to them though as they sound like the sort of people who think of it as an insult!

@tilder It's undoubtedly a huge problem. Sadly, often not solved just by people telling fat people off. It's easily as complicated as stopping smoking, possibly more so given that it's not as if you can just go cold turkey on food! My father was told he would die if he carried on smoking. He died six months later. Never stopped. Some people derive enjoyment from things the rest of us maybe don't quite understand in the same way. It's hard to imagine being fat, same as it's hard to imagine dying of smoking, but clearly it's a lot harder to change. Reminds me of a colleague who'd joke to juniors, "Here's some advice, don't fuck it up". Nobody wants to fuck it up....

Uk sizing is crazy. I'm a size 10 or 12 depending on the shop and I am fat. I swear this is not a stealth fishing for compliments post - I was right in the middle of a healthy bmi before lockdown when I was 1 1/2 stone lighter, right now I am in the overweight category. I would say that at size 16/18 most people would be overweight or obese but I don't think thats what this thread is really about

I think youd be better off focusing on issues in your own life rather than what you percieve as other people's problems

@Chandler12

How does this affect you?

Because it’s her family members and she cares? If my children were like this, on medication at such a young age, I would be devastated...life is worth fighting and living for

Not really any of your business. Sorry to be blunt but it’s not.

While I agree with a lot of this @Clymene, all of the emphasis is on the state. It's ok to say 'the state could do more'. Of course it could/should.

It is quite clear from a lot of comments on this thread that it's not considered ok to say 'parents should do more', or 'individuals should do more'.

I struggle with that. I think it should be both.

How many overweight people lose weight because a relative tells them to? I can’t believe it’s many.

Yanbu OP, I agree with you.

Problem is a lot of MNers can't get past their denial and have to lash out. A bit like alcoholics before they get sober. Covid 19 doesn't even seem to factor in their minds, all that matters is 'loving their food'. Well it must do or else they'd knock it on the head. You know, wanting to stay alive and shallow stuff like that, caring about your overweight family 'tut' what's wrong with you? Honestly.

When I'm size 16 (I am now) I have a 44 inch chest, 33 inch waist and 46 inch hips and arse. I've not been an 18, but I imagine it would be similar but a bit bigger.

While curvy and fat are different, it's not fair to say a size 16 is fat not curvy. I for one am definitely both.

“Are people who are that size truly happy...”

I sometimes wear a size 16 from some brands. I have very broad shoulders, I have G cup breasts and I am almost 6ft tall. I have a flat stomach, my limbs are toned and I regularly exercise. Yes, OP, I am “truly happy” and find it odd you’re so concerned about the clothing size of other people.

@tilder - absolutely people need to take responsibility. I'm not saying they shouldn't. But there is definitely a cultural issue at play here and actually it would be a hell of a lot cheaper in the long run if there was a long term educational/health programme to overcome it.

Depends on their height/ BMI etc. The average UK size being a 16 is based on data from 2017 so could well be out of date. Certainly anything over a 16 is classed as 'plus size' suggesting it's above average but what is a size 16? Go on different shops and there's not always standardisation. I am 5 ft 6 and a size 14 and am usually in the healthy weight range but occasionally drift into 'overweight'. If I was a size 16 I would definitely be overweight, but that's not necessarily true for anyone else.

You sound like a bundle of joy! Mind your business....
Some 16-18s are just curvy and voluptuous like Beyoncé and Anna of love island last year.
What a woman you are to feel not only the need but justified in the way you speak with such contempt for those women. Eugh

Oh god it gets worse! Ex-fat people are worse than ex-smokers! Obsessed!!! My SIL drives me insane!!! I would be so pissed off if you offered me unasked for diet advice. Some of us 'fat' people (14-16 here and actually very fit) know exactly what to do to lose weight. We also pretend it's genetic, nature, we don't care etc to shut thin people up!!!

And what are you planning on pointing out to them? Unless they live in a house with no mirrors and have never walked past a shop window, I'm sure they already know.
You're just dying to ooze spite and claim it comes from a loving place 🤦🏽‍♀️

Yes, why not just phone them and tell them how fat they are? They'll be so surprised to find out, and immediately change their lifestyles. No doubt they'll make you their lifelong guru.

Meanwhile, back in the real world, every woman knows what size she is, what she weighs and what she could do differently. Yes, even if she doesn't report this to you personally.

FGS keep your nose out and find a genuine way of helping other people which doesn't involve being a busybody.

Honestly until one of your updates I just thought you were naive and a little vapid. I genuinely thought you couldn't see how insulting you were being . You don't care. People who care do not set themselves up as the expert who is flying in to save them by telling them exactly what they should do. Those are rescuers , they often can6ser the damage they do because they are so entrenched in the concept of helping to fill a hole inside them because they are desperate to define themselves as relevant.

Then you updated, nope just nasty and fat phobic. Here's the thing OP I'm size 8 with a BMI of 18.5. You absolutely can't accuse me of being fat. I run , I lift weights and I do yoga. Now try saying it is because I'm fat that I'm disagreeing with you.

Oh and I spent decades being a professional in addiction ....nope doesnt work then , the faux tilted head "but I just caaaarrrree " were the damn Dane of our lives, they only did it because they were seriously lacking and needed to make themselves the centre of attention during the hardest time of someone elses life. So your analogy of speaking to someone who has an alcohol addiction or drug addiction in the way you mention would be inappropriate too.

However to admit what I and several pp have said would require you to actually be self aware and look at your thought patterns and behaviour and recognise there is an issue....and there is no way in hell you are going to be able to do that. You would have to admit to yourself you make yourself feel better by putting others down. Not a chance you got the spine to do that.

@Gwenhwyfar It's complicated. I have a very critical mother who I know came from a place of love but aged 15 all she was doing was nagging and moaning about my size. It wrecked my confidence, it damaged my personal life, and I felt absolutely worthless unless I tried to fit into her ideal of slim and successful. I was neither. Her comments and criticism (aided by my father) stayed with me through years adult life until last year, when, I had a complete mental breakdown. Despite my partner telling me I was lovable and despite people wanting to be my friend I pushed them away because when you have been told your worth often enough is by what you look like, you can never live up to that. So I rebelled and got fatter, because if I cannot live up to the ideal despite trying over and over you find yourself wondering, what's the point? And then you eat your cake and sit on the sofa all day and feel terrible. It's a cycle of which is very difficult to get out of.

I went to counselling to work through some of this (alongside the anxiety and depression) and my counsellor asked me why I still needed approval from my parents when I'm a grown adult. I couldn't answer that, and it was freeing. We are low contact now.

No doubt there are very few people who never do anything unhealthy. Drinking alcohol, smoking, creating pollution, overeating, undereating, not taking enough exercise, not drinking enough water, not meditating or unwinding enough, not getting enough good bacteria, not getting enough social contact, not seeing the dentist enough, consuming sugar, sleeping too much or too little, using devices too late in the evening, etc. etc. We all do things which may have more or less impact on our health. Being overweight is perhaps the most immediately visible in others, but it is just one of many, many things which you could also pick out.

"My Mum says I shouldn't offer them advice as they get very offended if anyone ever suggested they were even slightly overweight but I would like to help them as I know alot about nutrition and keeping fit."
It isn't about what you would like to do though. They are adults and are responsible for their own choices. Yes, if they are 5'4" and a size 16-18 with double chins then they obviously have too much fat on them. It isn't your place to tell them though. I'm sure they won't thank you for doing so.

Only give advice if and when asked.

You must think they are pretty thick if you don't think they know high BP and diabetes isn't linked to weight. They probably just don't mope about it around you as they know how judgemental you are.

I’m an 18 and I’d say I’m fat, not curvy.