Care home won't let me speak to gran ...aibu to be annoyed?

[whatsnewlussy]

My gran has gone into a care home.
I seen her every day and I miss her terribly.
Obviously because I can't see her I have been ringing every day for 5 mins to chat to her.
I asked when I found the care home,was I okay to call every day and they said if I want yes.
I asked for a convenient time and they said between 3pm and 4pm.
Saturday I rang at 3pm and they say "sorry she's asleep call back tomorrow "
Sunday I rang and they said she was having a cup of tea and call back today.
I've just rang and the manager answered and said they were too busy today doing a care review and call back tomorrow.
I just want to speak to her.
All they have to do is pass her the phone for 5 mins.
Aibu here to be upset ?

If you're near by OP could you physically go and post some photos and some letters through the front door? Not the same but she'll get them to look at while you're not there.
I do a lot of bank work in dementia care homes, I can't imagine how hard they're having it at the moment with no family allowed in, but I know a lot of our residents love seeing photos and reading letters and cards from loved ones.

Troels There are care homes that specialise in the care of people living with dementia but the term EMI disappeared with the introduction of the Health and Social Care Act 2012.

I've worked in dementia care homes for the last 12 years.

It's possible that the OPs gran is saying to the care staff she doesn't want to talk on the phone - I used to find this a lot and it's not nice to tell the family that their loved one doesn't want to talk to them, so sometimes telling families that they are having a nap etc is just kinder. Maybe ask the staff outright if this is the case? (I know your gran says she's been waiting to speak to you but with the cognitive decline of dementia she could be confused by the telephone itself or how much time has passed etc so is refusing the phone call as it's "easier."

Just another opinion but one worth considering i think.

Really good point ^^

Our home actually is an EMI home (Elderly mentally infirm), thats what the owners and managment call it not everyone has Dementia, most do, some are long term mental health health patients with other disorders such as personality disorders who need nursing care and are not appropriate to be in a regular nursing home. Not sure if it's just England who don't use EMI anymore.

It was actually the social worker who told me to look for a EMI placement care home.
So I assumed it was still a thing

@TitsalinaBumSquash yeah that's what I'm going to do today.
It's only 20 min walk.
I've wrote a letter and bought her some sweets that she likes.

Trolls yes England.

@CherryPavlova I'm in England

My mother’s very good care home was not called EMI - it was a specialist dementia CH.

As for dementia pati

Was going to add, re residents not wanting to speak to relatives, maybe it’s because, as per a pp, they can’t remember who they are, or think they don’t even know them.

A dd of mine once went to visit my mother on her birthday, taking flowers and chocolates. ‘Happy Birthday, Granny!’

My mother’s response - and she was still a few years off end stage - was a very grumpy, ‘I’m not your granny!’

@GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER

Was going to add, re residents not wanting to speak to relatives, maybe it’s because, as per a pp, they can’t remember who they are, or think they don’t even know them.

A dd of mine once went to visit my mother on her birthday, taking flowers and chocolates. ‘Happy Birthday, Granny!’

My mother’s response - and she was still a few years off end stage - was a very grumpy, ‘I’m not your granny!’

Once somebody has dementia and they are at an advanced stage they probably won’t remember who they are. I doubt this is down to OP.

People who have dementia can be quite aggressive at times and they do not like to pressured into doing things. A lot of posters are quick to give their input but yet they most likely haven’t worked in a care home.

One of observation I notice is that a good 80% percent of relatives don’t bother to visit their relatives anyway once they are in a care home.

Any joy @whatsnewlussy? x