To ask for advice on how to deal with neighbour issues?

[Nameynameychangey1234555554544]

So we live in a cul de sac with a mix of houses, so most houses have children accept for the 4 maisonettes on the end. All are HA

My garden also backs onto another garden Which is privately owned.

We have 3 DC the middle of which has severe autism and is non verbal, he is nearly 7. Yesterday the neighbours at the back came round and have asked that we do not let DS in the garden anymore. DS is hard work, and sometimes throws things over the fence from the trampoline, his understanding level is very low but we try our best to tell him not to do that and bring him inside if he throws anything.

I was just a bit shocked to be asked not to let him in the garden at all, I understand they have a young daughter and don’t want random T-shirt’s flying over their fence but it seems a little unreasonable to ask us not to use our garden at all so that their 1 ish year old can play. I haven’t let my kids out all morning today and I can see their child isn’t even out.

There was some veiled smugness from them about owning their home, obviously they are far superior parents with their 1 neurotypical baby.

It’s just adding more stress to an already stressful situation, none of the children in the cul de sac can play out the front now either due to complaints and threats to phone the police about breaking social distancing from the childless people in the maisonettes at the end (no social distancing was broken, 4 children playing on their bikes supervised by parents).

So basically I’m now trapped in my house... we take the children out once a day but it is stressful and sometimes dangerous as DS has no understanding of roads or keeping close, has a meltdown when he sees a park he isn’t allowed in, doesn’t understand social distancing etc.

DS gets 2 days a week at school but is not getting his sensory diet or any of his therapies or respite and I’m just feeling like life is so hopeless at the minute, both parents trying to work from home, while homeschooling our 2 NTchildren and trying to stop DS killing himself and destroying the house.

I just want to move to the middle of nowhere where I don’t have to apologise for him every 2 minutes.

I think the op has said it’s rarely been hard things and mostly it’s clothing. I think netting is the obvious solution then everyone can play outside.

I think many people are missing the later posts saying that shoes, a golf club and spirit level have been thrown over not just things like t shirts. It doesn’t matter if that has only been a couple of times, it only takes one time to seriously injure someone or cause damage to their property and they are rightly concerned about it.

Nobody on this post thinks you should keep your son in 24/7 and they are unreasonable to ask that but you need to take steps to prevent it in order to protect not only them but also you and your son too because what if he did hit someone next time?

@Thesearmsofmine

I think many people are missing the later posts saying that shoes, a golf club and spirit level have been thrown over not just things like t shirts. It doesn’t matter if that has only been a couple of times, it only takes one time to seriously injure someone or cause damage to their property and they are rightly concerned about it.

Nobody on this post thinks you should keep your son in 24/7 and they are unreasonable to ask that but you need to take steps to prevent it in order to protect not only them but also you and your son too because what if he did hit someone next time?

I also think many people are being deliberately goady. OP has came on to get some help and all she has been met with is “your SN child is feral and needs kept indoors”.

She has asked for netting, not allowed.
She is being called entitled and a cf for even thinking of asking neighbour to install netting on her behalf.
She is looking into netting for the top of a trampoline.

Do you have any helpful suggestions or do you just want to play the what if game and berate her?

@Nameynameychangey1234555554544 is this of any help to you? (I am assuming you are in England, please excuse me if not!)

Legally you are entitled to ask your landlord for reasonable adjustments/adaptations and they cannot refuse permission unless it is unreasonable (for example structural changes). I believe netting (the most useful is actually cat proofing which "bends back" over your property!) would be reasonable.

IIRC they don't have to pay but HAs, IME, are usually much more likely to than private landlords. You may be able to get a Disabled Facilities Grant from your council (which does take into account your income) but I don't know if they are still doing them atm.

As PP said, social services should also help I think you have to request a formal care assessment.

This is definitely solvable I think and whilst it may need some time devoting to it and lots and lots of firmness, especially at the moment, in the long term it would definitely be worth it - and certainly better than having to confine your DC to the house (for your own health as well as him!)

It angers me so much that assistance is so hard to get and I don't think anyone here saying "the spirit level could have killed a baby" is actually helping as it's not exactly something you hadn't realised FFS. I think that's judgement not help.

Hopefully this will be useful, feel free to PM me as I used to work in this sector and I have personal experience too! Best of luck

england.shelter.org.uk/housingadvice/housingsupport/helpwithadaptationstoyour_home

Could you build another fence a few feet in front of the fence creating a sort of no mans land in the middle .?

I can understand your neighbours might be worried about their young dd running out into the garden without them noticing.

I think what I would do is to look on Amazon at a gazebo, which would cover the trampoline and has sides, some with clear sides like windows. You can get them from £40 so might be worth a try, and if it does get a stronger structure later on. It shouldn't need planning permission as it can be removed.

just the thought of going outside with him now is just filling me with anxiety

I thought you weren't going out anymore with him?