To ask for advice on how to deal with neighbour issues?

[Nameynameychangey1234555554544]

So we live in a cul de sac with a mix of houses, so most houses have children accept for the 4 maisonettes on the end. All are HA

My garden also backs onto another garden Which is privately owned.

We have 3 DC the middle of which has severe autism and is non verbal, he is nearly 7. Yesterday the neighbours at the back came round and have asked that we do not let DS in the garden anymore. DS is hard work, and sometimes throws things over the fence from the trampoline, his understanding level is very low but we try our best to tell him not to do that and bring him inside if he throws anything.

I was just a bit shocked to be asked not to let him in the garden at all, I understand they have a young daughter and don’t want random T-shirt’s flying over their fence but it seems a little unreasonable to ask us not to use our garden at all so that their 1 ish year old can play. I haven’t let my kids out all morning today and I can see their child isn’t even out.

There was some veiled smugness from them about owning their home, obviously they are far superior parents with their 1 neurotypical baby.

It’s just adding more stress to an already stressful situation, none of the children in the cul de sac can play out the front now either due to complaints and threats to phone the police about breaking social distancing from the childless people in the maisonettes at the end (no social distancing was broken, 4 children playing on their bikes supervised by parents).

So basically I’m now trapped in my house... we take the children out once a day but it is stressful and sometimes dangerous as DS has no understanding of roads or keeping close, has a meltdown when he sees a park he isn’t allowed in, doesn’t understand social distancing etc.

DS gets 2 days a week at school but is not getting his sensory diet or any of his therapies or respite and I’m just feeling like life is so hopeless at the minute, both parents trying to work from home, while homeschooling our 2 NTchildren and trying to stop DS killing himself and destroying the house.

I just want to move to the middle of nowhere where I don’t have to apologise for him every 2 minutes.

This sounds very difficult for you. I have two children with additional needs - one who has lots of sensory issues and also is missing her OT sessions.

A net over the trampoline as suggested by pp seems a great idea. It seems such a shame to get rid of the trampoline completely. Would it be possible to have a range of toys to play with outside that couldn’t cause harm? My children have sponge balls, bean bags and also play with their cuddly toys on their trampoline. This might satisfy his need to throw without putting anyone in danger.

Lots of empathy coming your way - I also would love to live in the middle of nowhere with a massive garden - especially when dd 9 is having one of her frequent meltdowns x

They ant tell you not to let him use your garden, but he could kill a kid if he hit them with a spirit level/ golf club.

OP why haven't you commented on people's suggestions about getting a net for the top of your trampoline? Your housing association can't stop you from doing that.

I really feel for you OP, this is a really stressful situation but your son is entitled to use his own garden! Hopefully some ideas here might help.

A roll of garden/pond netting attached over the top of the the trampoline safety net - using zip ties - would be a cheap and easy way of ensuring nothing can be thrown from the trampoline. You need no permission from anyone for that.

I can't believe you've just done whatever they've told you to do!!!

@12345ct

OP why haven't you commented on people's suggestions about getting a net for the top of your trampoline? Your housing association can't stop you from doing that.

I've had a look and would help with the trampoline, can't seem.to find one in stock in the size we need but will look properly later when DS is asleep. It would help the trampoline issue but not so much the ground throwing issue and just the thought of going outside with him now is just filling me with anxiety

OP why haven't you commented on people's suggestions about getting a net for the top of your trampoline?

They can, especially if it comes under the Highway Code, in which is maybe illegal (doubtful in this case) or if the net is under power cables etc...

HA can refuse permission for any reason they might consider an unreasonable request, if it does not fit in with the area landscape/layout.

Also the OP has commented on that she will look into the trampoline meeting some pages back.

To be fair though @Nameynameychangey1234555554544 Telling him off is all well and good but he could actually KILL someone doing that?

My DD has ASD and EVERYTHING has to be locked away. Child nowhere near any of it. Keep him behind a locked door whilst you access your shed/garage if needs be, then let him out when you're finished.

How would you feel if that spirit level or whatever it would be next time, killed your neighbour?

Awful, awful neighbours. Let your poor boy out in your garden. They cannot do anything to stop you and are being totally unreasonable.

@Coffeecak3 Why on earth should the neighbours put the net up?!?! He's not their child!

Intolerant?! He's throwing heavy objects into their garden which could & WOULD injure them or even kill them

@Coffeecak3 You have an incredibly 'entitled' attitude

You can get garden netting for fruit cages from any decent garden centre. You will have to fix it. No child should have an open sided trampoline anyway. Children fall off them so get the sides sorted and the netting from a garden centre.

For your own peace of mind, heavy objects must be removed from where DS has access and put out of reach. Ditto saws etc.

I’ve either got extreme deja vu or I’ve read this before?

Buy the net yourself and ask the neighbours to attach it to their side.

@BubblesBuddy

You can get garden netting for fruit cages from any decent garden centre. You will have to fix it. No child should have an open sided trampoline anyway. Children fall off them so get the sides sorted and the netting from a garden centre.

For your own peace of mind, heavy objects must be removed from where DS has access and put out of reach. Ditto saws etc.

It is.not an open sided trampoline it has a net around but not over the top which is what we are looking into.

Everything is locked away. On 2 occasions in 3 years he has got hold of something.

@Dougalthesyrianhamster

To be fair though *@Nameynameychangey1234555554544 Telling him off is all well and good but he could actually KILL* someone doing that?

My DD has ASD and EVERYTHING has to be locked away. Child nowhere near any of it. Keep him behind a locked door whilst you access your shed/garage if needs be, then let him out when you're finished.

How would you feel if that spirit level or whatever it would be next time, killed your neighbour?

I have done this since he got hold of the club, every room in our house has a lock so we can partition areas off, stable door at the bottom of the stairs as he can open window catches.

I don't really need the guilt trip dougal, I've already said he is no longer allowed in the garden at all whar more am I meant to do?!

Tell them either you will put netting up or they take there daughter in when he is out. So what if they have a mortgage or bought their house they don't own yours so have no right to tell you don't let him in the garden. I put it up anyway, if you are told to take it down or made warn them you will not keep your son indoors but will do your best to supervise him at all times. It's up to them to bring their child in if they are not happy or put their own netting up or move!?

Btw I don't have any child with special needs so I have no idea what it's like for you but this makes me annoyed, I can't believe how little empathy people have or how stubborn and unwilling to compromise people can be

You can get a net for the trampoline top not the fence .... I understand y ha won't let you change the fence ...
No one has said on here don't let him out...people have suggested reasonable ideas but you are not listening...have you looked at putting a roof on the trampoline... contact family fund for a grant if you haven't already used it this year ....
Why are you stopping your other dc as well? He can only go out when your there fair enough but your other dc shouldn't be stopped...

Does your son have a disability social worker or have you ever have any contact with the team? I'd be contacting them with regard to a referral to them to get an adaptations OT around.

In our area at least, I don't think they'd think twice about recommending netting above the fence or maybe some other solution they've come across that we don't know about. It's a safety issue relating to additional needs and therefore adaptation is needed to make the garden safe in addition to your supervision.

I really feel for you, push for support and advice on this. In the meantime, cover the trampoline top with either specific netting or a cover or even improvised versions as others have recommended. I hope you can get sorted.

OP I'd put the net up on two poles so it can easily be taken down if needed and ignore HA. Its not fair your child cant play in his garden

How very fucking rude of them. Can you keep the garden relatively clear of things he can throw over? Sorry if this has been asked already. Next door have 4 children and their footballs keep coming over, they're also loud and can be annoying at times, standing on things to look into my garden? Do I have the right to ask their parents not to let them in the garden? No I don't and I wouldn't dare. Also as you mentioned it, they rent and I own this house outright, that is of no relevance at all in either mine or your situation.

Let your son out to enjoy the garden. It's actually sickening that a couple with a child would think its okay to deny any child their right to their outside space.

Sorry completely missed the important part. I have a 2yo DD who plays in the garden and I put up with 4 balls coming over a day. I don't go mad (although I would if one hit her) I just throw them back.

Pumpkin, would you feel the same if it was a spirit level instead of a football?