To ask for advice on how to deal with neighbour issues?

[Nameynameychangey1234555554544]

So we live in a cul de sac with a mix of houses, so most houses have children accept for the 4 maisonettes on the end. All are HA

My garden also backs onto another garden Which is privately owned.

We have 3 DC the middle of which has severe autism and is non verbal, he is nearly 7. Yesterday the neighbours at the back came round and have asked that we do not let DS in the garden anymore. DS is hard work, and sometimes throws things over the fence from the trampoline, his understanding level is very low but we try our best to tell him not to do that and bring him inside if he throws anything.

I was just a bit shocked to be asked not to let him in the garden at all, I understand they have a young daughter and don’t want random T-shirt’s flying over their fence but it seems a little unreasonable to ask us not to use our garden at all so that their 1 ish year old can play. I haven’t let my kids out all morning today and I can see their child isn’t even out.

There was some veiled smugness from them about owning their home, obviously they are far superior parents with their 1 neurotypical baby.

It’s just adding more stress to an already stressful situation, none of the children in the cul de sac can play out the front now either due to complaints and threats to phone the police about breaking social distancing from the childless people in the maisonettes at the end (no social distancing was broken, 4 children playing on their bikes supervised by parents).

So basically I’m now trapped in my house... we take the children out once a day but it is stressful and sometimes dangerous as DS has no understanding of roads or keeping close, has a meltdown when he sees a park he isn’t allowed in, doesn’t understand social distancing etc.

DS gets 2 days a week at school but is not getting his sensory diet or any of his therapies or respite and I’m just feeling like life is so hopeless at the minute, both parents trying to work from home, while homeschooling our 2 NTchildren and trying to stop DS killing himself and destroying the house.

I just want to move to the middle of nowhere where I don’t have to apologise for him every 2 minutes.

I sympathize. My DS was a menace. He has ASD. Things got easier as he got older. In the meantime, you have to protect the neighbours. Get that netting up and if the HA complains tell them they cannot deny your DS reasonable accommodations.

You can't keep your kids inside 24/7 that is not acceptable. How about suggesting some sort of rota system whereby you don't go in the garden during their time and vice versa? Not ideal but a solution for now

I feel for both sides here but you cannot allow your DS to throw things that could hurt a baby.

If you can't trust him then he'll have to stay inside and only go out under strict supervision. With nothing around that he can throw.

Not read through everything, but is something like this an option www.jumpking.eu/10ft-star-canopy-tent.html?utm_source=google_shopping&gclid=Cj0KCQjww_f2BRC-ARIsAP3zarHT9ArrXSuBVY-ELY7DWM4gKao9cTqFCJePjB7XRzo1kLVwDZ48_pMaApsPEALw_wcB

@Net123456

You can't keep your kids inside 24/7 that is not acceptable. How about suggesting some sort of rota system whereby you don't go in the garden during their time and vice versa? Not ideal but a solution for now

Why should the neighbours be denied the use of their garden ? A simple trampoline safety net would fix it Every sympathy for you OP it's exhausting

If a spirit level (bit of a drip feed there, OP) came flying over when my 1 year old was in the garden, I would have thrown it through your window. At least called the police. Shame on you for your attitude.

Depend what he’s throwing. I wouldn’t want random objects coming over my fence hitting me or my child TBH.

Op I really do feel for you, I've got a son that has the same level of asd yours has. He's fast, my house is like Fort knox. Your neighbours has no right to ask this but you do realky need to make sure nothing gets thrown over. Some temporary measure like netting inside your garden until something more longterm can be sorted. Before your son goes out, do a Complete sweep of garden, maybe put a baby gate on back door so he can run inside to grab some things to throw.

To everyone who keeps saying to make sure I am out with him I am. I'm on top of hin every second of every day.

2 heavy things have gone over in 3 years, i sweep the garden before he can go out, the spirit level was left by the man doing the garden in the miniscule space between the shed and gate and the golf club snatched in 0.2 seconds while i opened the shed to get the pool out, neither were thrown from the trampoline, he threw then as soo as I went to take them off him.

Thanks for the reality check, sometimes when this is your life day in day out things lose perspective of what is normal.

We will get rid of the trampoline and keep him in, i can't watch him any closer than I do and its still not good enough, if he is in it gives me one less thing to stay awake at night worrying about.

Their child was not in the garden on either occasion as if they come out I take him in as he can also be noisy so don't want to annoy them.

We will get rid of the trampoline and keep him in, i can't watch him any closer than I do and its still not good enough, if he is in it gives me one less thing to stay awake at night worrying about.

Try and get netting. It will be so hard for both of you if he can't have his trampoline. If I was the neighbour I'd be putting netting up myself.

Sounds like there’s been many instances of this and you haven’t addressed the problem or found a solution so I’m not surprised about the neighbours coming round. I would feel exactly the same if heavy dangerous objects were coming over my fence.

However they can’t tell you not to go in your garden but you do need to mitigate the risk, so no shoes on the trampoline and an adult must be supervising at all times and have done a check of the garden to make sure there’s no stray potential missiles laying around before you allow him out.

@Nanny0gg

We will get rid of the trampoline and keep him in, i can't watch him any closer than I do and its still not good enough, if he is in it gives me one less thing to stay awake at night worrying about.

Try and get netting. It will be so hard for both of you if he can't have his trampoline. If I was the neighbour I'd be putting netting up myself.

We asked the council who said no despite occupational therapy backing us up, they also wouldn't let us raise the dividing fence to next foor to 6ft from 4ft even though we offered to pay for it all.

It would apparently ruin the aesthetics for.my other neighbours, and there is a few neighbours who would probably complain.

Why are you doing what the neighbours ask?
Tell them to mind their own business. If they don't like a child throwing things over the fence then perhaps they should put a net up.
They're intolerant idiots. We had a garden that backed onto a school playing field, I threw several balls back everyday. Some that had just missed my head.
If my neighbours tried to police my dc they'd be leaving with a flea in their ear.

My autistic child is forever loosing balls over the fence (also whilst on trampoline) and the neighbours are lovely about it. Your neighbours are extremely unreasonable

I can understand why you've reacted this way as you must be exhausted but, by dismantling the trampoline, you're cutting off your nose to spite your face. Please let us know that you have looked into totally enclosing the trampoline so he can still enjoy it. I'm sending you a big hug because you sound frazzled 🤗🤗🤗

When dd was 2 she was hit on the face by a cricket ball that was thrown over from a neighbours garden. She had to spend the night in hospital.
So I understand why your neighbours would ask that your son remain inside.
You have to keep an eye on your child to ensure that he doesn’t inadvertently injure someone else’s child.

Tell them where to go.

@areyoubeingserviced

When dd was 2 she was hit on the face by a cricket ball that was thrown over from a neighbours garden. She had to spend the night in hospital. So I understand why your neighbours would ask that your son remain inside. You have to keep an eye on your child to ensure that he doesn’t inadvertently injure someone else’s child.

They have no right to ask that. It’s a shame your daughter got hurt but it was an accident and you can’t stop them from ever happening.

Tbh I'd be livid if a golf club came hurtling over the fence!!!

Asking the neighbour to put netting up on their side is a great idea, seeing as they own their house it circumvents any issues with the HA. Assuming you pay for and maintain it, all they're giving is a minuscule bit of garden along the boundary. Hopefully if you can talk to them about how important the trampoline is to your son's sensory needs, and how you respect the importance of keeping their garden safe and free of inconvenience, they will be in agreement.

One of my children has similar sensory difficulties, I feel for you and hope you can find a solution that means your son gets the stimulation he needs :)

I agree about a net on their side, I'd be MORE than happy to do this if I was them.

I feel for you OP. And your son.

He is your priority and it’s unfair to not let him play safely in your own garden. Sounds like the relationship with your neighbours isn’t great anyway. I’d just ignore them and continue doing the best for your son.

I would still use both the street and the garden. We have neighbours like this and we did as they requested first if all, and it made them crazy with power and now demand ridiculous things. Stand your ground. It doesn't matter if you own outright, have a mortgage or rent; it's still your home and no one should make you feel uncomfortable in it.