Stopping spending money?

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Ds is 14, he gets £20 per week spending money, he has to manage the dishwasher at the weekends, put his clean clothes away, keep his bedroom tidy.
It’s a fight every time I ask him to do the above, so stressful. I’ve just told him he has to keep his bedroom tidy and forget the rest, but he won’t get any spending money.

That's a huge amount of pocket money for no effort. I'd cut it back to £5 pocket money and £15 he can earn through Doing his chores

Have you tried pay per job. That way he can get his money when the jobs are done.

I’m moving in with you if you get £20 for not a lot.
Agree, pay per job. If he doesn’t do the jobs he doesn’t get the money.

Thanks, it’s so frustrating and I’m sick of the arguing. It does seem a lot but when he was at school and went out at the weekends it was £15, for the cinema, £10 for food and other bits so I said £20 and he had to manage it. Some weekends he was having £50-£60! Especially if it was a friends birthday.

That's not many jobs for a 14 year old.

I can just imagine the moaning if I added more. What do all your kids do please?

God, he's getting off lightly 😬 I'd be tempted to do a complete overhaul before he becomes some other poor woman's DH problem

You lost me at £20 a week

My son is 8 and he unloads the dishwasher 3 or 4 times a week, keeps room tidy, takes bins out to bottom of long lane - and back up again when empty, puts away his clothes and any others that need putting in rooms - he doesn't get pocket money, it is just done as part of being in the family. But if he does need something like a new game etc I have no problems getting him it if he has been helpful and on top of things. He does these jobs usually with good grace. He also can get breakfast for his younger siblings in the mornings if I need him to (cereal).

Why fight? Let him not do it and get no money. He'll soon learn.

My kids are 15, 13 and 9.

The dishwasher is their job, allocated a day each in turn. A month at a time is written on the calendar. In addition, they have to keep bedrooms and playroom tidy and get allocated additional ad hoc jobs. (15 year old is today helping to clear loft, 13 year old helped me there yesterday, )

They don’t have fixed pocket money, DS has part time pocket money job, but clearly not at the moment. They get treats as needed, but extras must be earned. Odd cinema trip would get paid, but not £50 at a weekend

They also change their own bed linen (when prompted) and out away their own clean laundry,

When my daughter was that age we sat and discussed how it would work. I didn't want allocated jobs or £ per job. I wanted her to be able to pitch in and be considerate to what needed doing.

£50 a month for helping out. She was great. Now (17) she literally just gets on with it as I do out of respect (I don't give her pocket money now as she works part time)

Agree with you that £20 is fine for a 14 year old as their socialising at weekends etc is expensive. He's learning money management but also needs to learn that money is earned.
While back (i'm 30) but my mum used to have a checklist of things i needed to have done before she gave me my pocket money. Wasn't much but 1.tidy room 2.unload dishwasher twice per week 3. Wash and hang my laundry

I've stopped giving my teens so much money while we're in lockdown. With no socialising, there's not much to spend it on.

In terms of jobs, we have an expectation (particularly in lockdown) that everyone mucks in and does their bit.

So in our house the teens (16 and 14) are expected to

• take turns laying table and clearing away after dinner
• get own breakfast and lunch and put dirty dishes in dishwasher
• keep own room clean (and in theory tidy, but that's a losing battle)
• pitch in with weekly family clean up (we usually spend an hour on a Sunday with everyone cleaning the house so they will either clean kitchen/clean bathroom/hoover etc.
• cook once a week
• iron own clothes if wanted (they very rarely do)
• do some gardening (this bit added in lockdown to get them out the house)

If they moan (DS moaned a lot about the cooking) we point out that they get a lot of things done for them (e.g. someone else cooks the other 6 days), no one likes doing jobs, but if we all do some it makes it easier for everyone and if they don't want to do their share of the jobs, then maybe we don't want to do things for them either (granted this is less effective in lockdown as the main thing they are keen on is lifts to places!).

£20 a week! When I was at home I had to keep
my room tidy for free . If he isn't going to do them all then he doesn't get his money. If he was working and didn't go to work he wouldn't get paid. You get paid for what you do. So he needs to do them and stop fussing about very very minimal chores he has to do!

15year old DS gets £5 a week pocket money.
His jobs are putting the bins out, emptying the dishwasher when it has been on 2/3 times a week, cleaning his bathroom, keeping his room clean and tidy, setting and clearing the table for dinner. He will sometimes hoover the stairs for me.

Pick your battles. "Keep your room tidy" is not a hill I'd die on. His room. His mess.

Any clothes he wants washing need to be in the laundry basket or they don't get washed. Bring all his crockery down each morning. Put his clean clothes away.

Give him a fiver ever Friday basic then add on as and when he does any additional chores above the ones listed.

He can save atm. So he will having for when lockdown is over.

Thanks for the advice everyone. He does cooks lunch everyday on lockdown, also puts certain things away after I’ve shopped.

My 14 and 10 year old are solely responsible for caring for our hens , feeding watering , cleaning them out and letting them out and putting them to bed . They have a bathroom each they’re in charge of keeping clean and their own rooms to hoover , mop and dust weekly . They help every weekend to hoover and cleanWooden floors downstairs , I use a bucket and cloth as it lifts dog hairs and little bits of gravel . They take turns washing dishes , loading and unloading dishwasher .
The only thing they do without being asked is the chickens but I refuse to let them do nothing in the house .
They make their own breakfast and when I’m at work , they make their own lunch too .

I don’t expect or want my teenagers doing any chores. They are not domestic slaves or employees.

Neither are DH or I. Yet someone has to do the jobs ...

YABU for giving a 14 yr old £20 per week.

I would give him less money and not bother with the arguing about chores.

I have never given mine loads of money, but have also never inflicted specific domestic jobs on them. I expect them to put their backs into school work/music practice etc, and to be reasonably pleasant to live with, though.

I have never bothered them about tidy bedrooms, either. For one thing, I'd be a bit of a hypocrite if I started nagging anyone else about being tidy, when I am congenitally untidy.

Half for jobs getting done. Other half for attitude and behaviour. If you have to moan for them to be done, you dock half.