Stopping spending money?

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Ds is 14, he gets £20 per week spending money, he has to manage the dishwasher at the weekends, put his clean clothes away, keep his bedroom tidy.
It’s a fight every time I ask him to do the above, so stressful. I’ve just told him he has to keep his bedroom tidy and forget the rest, but he won’t get any spending money.

My 6 year old does those jobs! For free 🤣

£20 a week for doing not-a-lot seems high to me.

As teenagers, my sister and I got about £5-£8 a week at that age, and although we weren't given set chores to do, we were expected to put our backs into school work, music practice etc, help out with jobs when asked, and basically not be a total turd to live with.

My grandson is 15. He has a Sunday paper round which pays £8.50 a week. He gets £5 a week altogether from me. But he only gets £4 of that paid onto a teen card and I save £1 a week which gets in the summer holidays. If his family is going on holiday it is changed into Euros. If they are staying at home he gets £52 the first week of the summer holidays. His mother says doing it this way is a huge help during the summer holidays which can work out expensive with teens. He also gets £5 a week of his parents. The parent part is dependent on some help with dish washer and hoovering. He has gradually become more sensible with his money and will save for computer/bike parts he wants. I think this is due to earning part of the money himself. Makes him far more conscious of whether he really wants something or whether he will consider the purchase a waste of money in a few weeks.

Obviously it depends on your disposable income, but I’m surprised at people suggesting £5 a week.i got that between the ages of about 12 to 18...and I’m 50 now! When I was 16-18 I struggled to socialise , buy presents on that. God knows what I would have done if we’d had mobile phones, festivals , etc.

Admittedly my parents provided all clothes, toiletries etc. But I really can’t see £5 going far these days at all.

Ridiculous to give him £20 for so little.

We have gone through lots of permutations of jobs for pocket money and we are on week two of minimum wage for the jobs. My 14 year old is loving it and does loads . My sixteen year old is refusing to do anything as wants the same rate as her older adult brother.

I wouldn't give my children the Child Benefit. When I was teaching sixth form students I found those who had the CB believed it was their right to have it. I'd keep the CB myself and give the same amount, maybe, but I'd never tell them the CB was theirs.

a teenager's "job" is to study for school. Of course the basics such as putting dirty clothes in the washing machine or leaving the bathroom tidy after a shower are expected. But they have a long road ahead, let them be children. And no wages, they get money if they go out with friends.

@Somewhereinthesky

£20 a week seems a lot of money in the first place for 14 years old. There would be no planning and saving involved. Just spend it without thinking, and next week, you get another £20. That's a easy life.

life SHOULD be easy for teenagers.

he has to manage the dishwasher at the weekends, put his clean clothes away, keep his bedroom tidy.

They are not arduous tasks but are things that people do when they share a dwelling with anyone. None of them will take him very long.
When he is older and not living with you he'll have to do a heck of a lot more than that!

I don't however think his pocket money should depend on him doing those things though, you make it sound as though you are paying him to do his share (a small share) of chores. Pocket money is unconditional.

I don’t expect or want my teenagers doing any chores. They are not domestic slaves or employees

Agreed, plenty of time to become a wage slave later on.

That doesn't mean they can't pick up after themselves though - mum is not a slave either.

johnwinstonlennon, happy to agree to disagree. I don't think teenage years are just time to spend "just easy" life. They need to learn to be ready to be independent and responsible. Plenty of teenagers get part time jobs to get extra money, while studying and get ready to go to Uni. But that's my opinion. If you think life should be easy for teenagers, that's your choice.

Dss is 16 and gets £25 a week.

For that he has to Hoover the first and top floor of the house Imcluding 2 flights of stairs.

Put the bins out.

Clear up after dinner every night. Sweep the floor etc.

He uses it for socialising (when he can).

As pp said if you are just dishing out money it can end up costing more. With his pocket money he knows he has to prioritise things he really wants to do over other things.

If you live in a household, society or world you should contribute to it. That does not just mean looking after yourself (cleans own mess in bedroom and puts own clothes away that someone else has cleaned) but you must add to the functionality of the household. This is on top of doing your “job” of being a teenager and student. I would expect studying, music practice etc with no more grumbling than anybody having a general whinge about their day at work.

Ask your son what he feels he can add to the house, what chores he wishes to take responsibility for. My son hated sorting the dishes, but was happy to feed cat, clear litter tray daily and change all litter weekly. He disliked cleaning windows but religiously emptied all bins (sorting out recycling) and made sure they were out for the dustman. It was his responsibility - I did not remind him, and if he messed up he had to deal with it.

For his contribution, he got £50pcm. From that he had to buy birthday pressies and socialise etc.

Life should not be particularly easy Or hard for teenagers, but a modicum of choice helps

YABU. Don’t nag him, don’t moan at him or ask him to do any chores.

Simply state to him that if he wants his pocket money he has to do X, Y and Z and then leave it at that.

If at the end of the week he hasn’t done it, he doesn’t get the pocket money. He’s 14, he shouldn’t need to be nagged/reminded.

If he comes to you to ask for the money, you simple say “I told you what you had to do to earn it and you didn’t do those chores, so there’s no pocket money this week. You can again next week.”

If he wants the money he’ll learn to do it without being nagged.

At 13 mine had a paper round and it paid 15 a week, he got bugger all from me other than a tenna a month phone contract. You are making a rod.

DD 13 gets £10 to hoover once a fortnight & once a month they have remains of the swearing jar money depending how foul or decent language has been usually about £10. They help with all the chores here and there but don’t get other pocket money. If they really need sth we buy it or if they don’t need it but want it they spend bday money on it.

Mine had to earn money for their social activities. It taught them to plan and to manage their money. Getting pocket money each week for doing pre-agreed chores didn't work & turned me into a nag.
Ds is helpful day to day - cooks, hoovers, does a bit of laundry. If he's got something expensive coming up he'll ask for work - cleaning cars, painting a fence, grass cutting....

It sounds good your son cooks lunch every day. Thats nice.

Remember you do get a lot of angry people on MN always trying to criticise.

And these kinds of "chore" threads do attract the "spreadsheet" types !

Interesting replies, I’m expecting too little of him I think. Thanks. Lots of his friends have more money per week, interestingly the parents who have split up. I dropped ds and his friends to the cinema in year 7, I was going to give £8, admission. The other 3 kids in the car all had £20.

The things he’s doing I would expect him to be doing for himself anyway for no monetary reward.
It’s his clothes/room he should be doing it.
I’d cut him back to 5/10 pw pocket money and if he wants extra he can do more than just the dishwasher at the weekend.

they clean up after themselves, don’t make a mess, make their own meals, put a wash on, help with shopping etc. They are not paid pocket money for this. We expect them to be mature and respectful and they are.

So in other words you have exactly the same expectations as most of the people on this thread. You've just couched it in different language. You expect your teens to be mature and respectful. They wouldn't be that if they were slobs who never tidied their rooms, never lifted a finger and expected other people to pick up after them all the time and attend to their every whim. That's why most of us want our teens to jobs, because it's part of contributing responsibly to the household they live in, not because we think they are skivvies.

As a child I used to have to do lots of housework. This was because my mother was lazy and couldn't be bothered to do it herself. So she did think of me as a slave/domestic servant.

However none of the posters on this thread are expecting their DC to do more than is appropriate.

Mine do a chore each day and are expected to sort their own laundry and keep it tidy.. This started as my oldest was 13 we have a chore chart on it we go-between
Tidy lounge and check toilets are clean
Walk the dog clean his bowls fill bowls and pick his bandana
Empty Dishwasher
sweep floors in kitchen and hallway (and mop if needed) change teatowels and towels in kitchen
Do laundry for the day
Ironing for the day

then everyone has a kitchen tidy day apart from Tuesday where we all help each other to do so.

they are now between 22 and 16 and are all capable of doing this.

Ok, so when you said you "don't want or expect them to do any chores"

You really meant "they clean up after themselves, don’t make a mess, make their own meals, put a wash on, help with shopping etc."

So they do more chores than most teenagers 🙈😂

It's pay as you go in this house. Just as I work for money so do they, if they want to buy something outside the normal family remit then they are encouraged to do (and complete) small jobs. Generally a target is set i.e the toy is £10 so if you earn £5 we'll match your earnings. It soon makes them realise nothing is free in life and also for you whether the toy is a whim or something they genuinely want.
£20 pw is alot of money, what is it spent on?