Husband invited First Wife to m-i-l lockdown funeral

[Trumpetpants]

Just that really. She hasn't seen m-i-l for nearly 40 years, they live in the same city.
And because of Covid numbers are limited. They did exchange birthday and Christmas cards though.
I think that people whom she saw regularly and family members should have priority because numbers are limited 😥

It was your dh mum, he obviously thought it was better to invite her than other people. It's his choice really.
Is there a backstory here?

YABU. This is your husbands choice; he feels she should be there and you need to support him.

This is not the time for jealousy or insecurity. He needs you to have his back.

Its possibly what your mil would have wanted. It’s definitely what your DH wants. Don’t intervene - this is his decision. All you should do is support him.

Has he said why?

I’m sorry for your loss

Does your husband have children with her? In which case he is inviting his children's mother to their grandmother's funeral, which seems fair enough to me.

It's not your place to comment anyway, it's up to him and his siblings (and father if still alive).

Do you mean your own husband brought his ex wife to your MIL's funeral? What is the backstory?

Is it because she can bring your MILs grandchildren or something?

I went in one of the family cars to my ex in laws funeral, so I don’t see the problem with her going. Don’t turn this in to an issue, it doesn’t matter.

Is there someone else who is not invited because ExW is invited. Sometimes it's easier to choose one unrelated person rather than inviting, for example, one uncle and all the other aunts/uncles/cousins wondering why they werent invites.

Exchanging birthday and Christmas cards for 40 years is quite a commitment so I can see why he has invited her.

They obviously cared for one another, I think you should respect his decision.

It is his choice and, as another poster said, if he had children with his first wife, then his first wife is the mother of his mother's grandchildren.
I agree that exchanging cards, especially birthday cards, for 40 years is a strong connection and shows that they liked each other.
Why don't you ask your husband about it instead of random people on an Internet site?

Thanks for the replies, they were only married for a short time. No children. It wouldn't be an issue if it wasn't lockdown and numbers restricted.
Personally I think priority should be given to actual family members or people who saw her. But as you say its not for me to determine who should come or not.
I don't want to upset my DH by mentioning it as it is obviously a priority to him. Thankfully am not insecure having been married for 36 years. Thanks for your input I needed an objective perspective.

Don't be like that. It's an occasion for mourning a loved one, not an occasion for territorial pissing. Be polite, be supportive.

I think I would be the same as you OP. When numbers are limited it does seem a little strange to invite someone that hadn’t seen your mil for 40 years over someone who saw her regularly or had a close blood tie.

It’s a sad situation. Don’t make it more stressful by overthinking it, just love DH and support him. I’m sorry for your loss. 💐

Very odd as they hadn’t seen each other in 40 years and no children/grandchildren involved. Why haven’t you asked him why? Strange.

Odd given numbers are limited - he should be thinking about MIL's friends, her family. Not his ex-wife who was on card exchanging terms with her.

Given you are secure in your marriage I'd bring it up. Even if only in a 'Such a shame her BFF can't make it due to numbers, I'm sure she'd want to be there' kind of way. But then I am passive aggressive.

She's her daughter in law. If they felt still felt a kinship it's really nothing to do with you

It's an occasion for mourning a loved one, not an occasion for territorial pissing

While you have a way with words and clearly want to stick the boot in when OP has lost her MIL of 36 years, it’s clear she too feels the funeral is for the people were closest to her MIL.

Sometimes it's easier to choose one unrelated person rather than inviting, for example, one uncle and all the other aunts/uncles/cousins wondering why they werent invites.

I was thinking along the same lines, inviting someone connected but not part of a circle must be easier at this time. It is so dreadful that numbers are limited, but no one wants to add in a family feud at this time regarding who was and who wasn't invited. (Grief can be testing on relationships)

Perhaps this was one of the people her MIL felt was closest to her?

I’d find it really odd that he wanted to invite someone who hadn’t seen his mum for 40yrs tbh. Especially given how small the number of people attending have to be due to CV19. You’ve been married for 36yrs so ask him what he’s thinking if there are others who should get “priority” so to speak.

I’d find it really odd that he wanted to invite someone who hadn’t seen his mum for 40yrs tbh.

SingingTunelessly Doesn’t matter if you’d find it odd. It’s his mothers funeral; you don’t get to question the attendees.

If only 10 can go, it would mean that her sister or one of her grandchildren all of whom she saw regularly would need to not go or we could try to get away with 11. If it's 6 people only then it will be even harder.
Will find out when office opens on Monday.

If she hasn't seen her in 40 years and they have no dc YANBU