to hate what my name has become

[tohatemyname]

I have a name which is ridiculed a lot in society and is frequently used as an insult. I already have low self esteem after years of abuse and depression and anxiety as a result. MN and other social media was my respite from all the emotional fallout of the abuse.
On MN now my name is used as an insult and thrown around casually like it doesn't matter.
It fucking does matter. My one safe place to escape my feelings has been pulled from under my feet.

It was used as an insult the other day by an intelligent young feminist friend if mine She doesn’t notice/mind the hatred of middle aged women yet as she’s in her 20s.

I'm with you OP, I cringe when people use it

Me too and I actually think it says a lot more about the person who uses it than anyone named Karen. It makes them look like an unkind idiot.

@SquashedSpring

Personally I’d be glad if the ‘Karen’ type voice was erased. It describes a particular type of entitled, overbearing, snobby and bigoted woman.

This week I've seen it used against a woman criticising a racist post, one pointing out the lack of ppe for dentists and one asking people not to leave broken glass in parks.

It seems to have become a general term to put women down.

I have started to see it this way too, but it isn't the true meaning.

When I see it misused in that way, I tend to tell the user (always a he) that he is an ignorant echo chamber that clearly doesn't have the intelligence to use the insult properly nor form a reasoned argument to the discussion at hand. Usually shuts them up.

I think the ‘Karen’ thing was started by ‘Wendy’s’ to take the heat of them.

No, OP, YANBU, although it was predictable that some posters would invalidate your feelings and tell you to get over yourself, it's not about you.

Not the point. And it should absolutely not be down to you to change your name. The people who should be publicly shamed and shown up for precisely the prejudicial attitudes they're upholding are those who buy into this misogynistic BS that's consistently used as a means of silencing and denigrating women.

All the people telling OP to cheer up, it will be someone else's name next year, and so on, seem to have missed the point that OP is depressed. So you are essentially saying "snap out of it". Depression isn't that easy. And if part of the triggers for depression is the Karen meme, which is quite difficult to avoid, she will feel the insult more deeply and personally because she is depressed and anxious. It causes loss of perspective. I don't have an answer but are you seeing or talking to anyone about your mental health?

I have a relative with the name and I'd not heard the connotations until the last few months. I'm disgusted and hope she doesn't know.
I also feel a bit bad at all the Gary, Kevin, Sharon, Tracey that i may have used in the past in a negative way.

Luckily I don’t suffer from depression or anxiety so I can’t walk in your shoes, but if I did I would try and find ways of building my self esteem, by councilling , self help books whatever, my sister in laws are in fact sharon and tracey and none of them have a problem it’s just a name

I have a cousin Karen and an aunty Sue, ( not mum and daughter) I feel so sorry for them.

my sister in laws are in fact sharon and tracey and none of them have a problem it’s just a name

So what? Who cares if they don’t mind? This isn’t about them, it’s about the OP and she has a right to express that it upsets HER.

Karen
Sharon and Tracey
Kevin
Jeff
Bob just some of the many names used over the years to describe a type

There are a lot of names used for a period of time to describe a particular type of individual. Anyone that thinks that all individuals with that name have those characteristics must be a bit dim.

Try not let what some consider as humour get to you. People are not talking about you at all. There must be rather a lot of Karen? in the UK. Maybe some people read into the memes too much? I don't know I'm not called Karen so couldn't actually fully understand but try not to upset yourself and take it too seriously, the name thing will move on to another ...

I hate it. Just another tool used by misogynists to silence and stereotype middle aged women.

Agree. Politicians' political advisors are looking at it. And some 'very nasty ones' are going to use it against many
women. How long will it be?

You can’t change other people’s conceptions, but you can control your own with help, wishing you luck tonatemyname

Me too and I actually think it says a lot more about the person who uses it than anyone named Karen. It makes them look like an unkind idiot.

YY. And of course, it's not just about one individual name and it's ageist as well as sexist. 'Karen' is Lisa, she's Jennifer, she's Amanda, she's Michelle, she's Nicola, she's Kelly, she's Paula. She is, in short, a member of a very specific generation of females, who is approaching that age of 'invisibility' and should learn to keep her place and shut up.

Fuck that noise.

I don’t think you can self-help your way out of being upset that you’re being insulted. It’s the wrong tool for the job. I expect the answer is to get angry, but it seems an impossible situation to improve. So pissed off for you OP

I was having counselling, it's been postponed (by the NHS funded provider) until after the pandemic.

Having dad that, there are some bloody good self help books for anxiety and depression

Said!

@HappyLemonSadLemon

If it is Karen, it gives me the absolute rage, actually. I hate the concept as it's so sexist. What's the male equivalent? (Sorry derailing a bit here, OP)

Chad apparently.

Would you consider formally changing it?

As Karen was the most popular girls name of the 1960s there would be a lot have to be a lot of name changing going in!

Look at all the historic Fannys and Tittys and Dicks and Willys.

Fanny went out of fashion before 1900 for obvious reasons, though there are still plenty of Fanny Streets in the U.K. Titty was never a name and Willy’s and Dicks can use other abbreviations for their names.

While Tarquin or Rupert tend to be used as shorthand for posh people, it has been around for ages and is used infrequently. I’d not heard of the Karen thing a month ago, now it seems to be everywhere.

I know a Colin and a Karen and neither fit in to the stereotypical mould!

I've never heard anyone use "Karen" as an insult in real life, nor have I seen it used on here but I have seen loads of memes on social media.

I think social media can be really awful and you don't realise the effect it's having on you, especially at the moment when everyone is generally feeling a bit crap, stuck at home with nowhere to go so more time to spend online. I came off Facebook a year ago and I'm so glad I did. I hadn't realised how toxic and draining it could be or how it was affecting my mood and anxieties.

It would be lovely if everyone was nice and considerate all the time but unfortunately we won't ever be able to control the things other people think, say or do so maybe the answer is to step back from things that perhaps aren't having a positive impact on your life and focus on something that makes you feel good.

I read something the other day that said the best weight you'll ever lose is the weight of other people's opinions. Sounds like a cliche and I'm sure it's easier said than done but I think it's true!

Willy’s and Dicks can use other abbreviations for their names.

Unless their actual names are Dick and Willy.

"It could be worse. I knew a 'John Thomas'."

Me too, but the under 40s don't understand why that's funny.

Fuck that shit is right

It's about about class, sexism and ageist and is used as an insult for putting women in their place. It's a lovely name and the Karen's I know in real life are lovely too.

I feel for people called Karen because it just isn't funny. How the f can all Karen's be the same?! Ridiculous. Or you have the lovely Stacey Solomon calling everyone Susan who doesn't agree with her or dares to have an opinion. Yet she posts that she loves everyone and everyone is worth it etc. Practice what you preach, Stacey. 😴