to hate what my name has become

[tohatemyname]

I have a name which is ridiculed a lot in society and is frequently used as an insult. I already have low self esteem after years of abuse and depression and anxiety as a result. MN and other social media was my respite from all the emotional fallout of the abuse.
On MN now my name is used as an insult and thrown around casually like it doesn't matter.
It fucking does matter. My one safe place to escape my feelings has been pulled from under my feet.

Um, yeah I think I'd be a bit disappointed if DS came out with a comment like that rather than seemingly agreeing with it

Quite. I wonder how he'd feel if someone told him "I can always tell the kind of gormless young lad who works in fast food- theyre not all stupid but I can spot them as soon as I approach the counter"

Somehow I dont he'd think that was so hilarious then....

Not all middle-aged women are Karens, he said, but they can spot them as soon as they enter the restaurant or drive-through.

Replace 'middle-aged women' and 'Karens' with any other group of people and slur, and that comment would probably be a sackable offence.

"I actually know of quite a few NHS employees that dont agree with this either and dont use their badge to get priority- guess they must be Karens too eh?! "

No, saying that you don't want privilege is the opposite of a Karen.

I love that you trawled back through this massive thread to find that

Advanced search is a useful tool.

You wouldn't be a Karen for complaining about genuinely poor service or something that fell apart after ten minutes though - all justified complaints.

Unfortunately, I don't think that's true. I saw a Facebook post from a friends DD who works in retail a few weeks ago said that the shop was 'full of Karen's bringing faulty shit back today'. No mention of this place selling faulty products - any woman bringing a product back was a Karen.

@megtron

Exactly my point- its NOT being used for unreasonable women, its being used for any woman who dares to stand up for herself and THAT is the problem and thats why its so offensive and mysogynistic

"Replace 'middle-aged women' and 'Karens' with any other group of people and slur, and that comment would probably be a sackable offence."

Not all women in their 20s are Willows...

Not all men over 70s are Reginalds...

Willow is a vegan who is only in a fast-food restaurant due to peer pressure and is very dissatisfied with the vegetarian offering.

Reginald has forgotten his glasses and needs the menu reading out in full before ordering exactly what he orders every day.

It’s my name too and I’m confused whether to be offended or not as I get that it was very much a US thing and it appears to have got lost in translation with regard to the class level of the name in the US vs the UK

I have had to work with women similar age to me who have very little in their lives and are bitter and twisted who come into work smug with tales of how they “had the staff at such and such company’s life” because of something utterly ridiculous and I’ve just despaired, it’s shit that I have a name that I’ve never particularly liked that is now a source of ridicule due to women I can’t remotely relate to

But on the other hand I can see how it can spread to a way of generally putting down middle age women legitimately standing up for what’s right and that bothers me more

Pathetically, when I’ve allowed myself to get bothered by it all due to reading too much of Mumsnet, I remind myself of all the people with the name who are just as much the opposite what it portrays as I am

Would you like to go back to how you were? I really encourage you to do so- lots of books on amazon about asserting yourself in an effective way. What really helped me was reading books on dealing with difficult people- gives you ways of responding that dont involve being manipulated by them

In answer to your question - I think I would just like to spend the rest of my life as a hermit :). I am in a situation where I need to fight for a relative's rights at the moment. A sibling does this by sheer bloody force and bullying and it is exhausting to watch and be part of. I do the same by being naice and figuring out the right questions to ask and involving the obstructive person in joint-decision-making. I also know when to give up. But I can't be arsed having battles about small things these days.

"Advanced search is a useful tool."

Back in the day that was against mn etiquette but I see we've moved on.

@yetanotherspartacus

I hear you.Sounds like you are having to constantly be the peace keeper in this scenario. It sounds tiring.

I agree about small battles but I feel that I spent years letting things go that I really shouldn't have and that was to my detriment so I'm damned if I'm going to do that any more. IDGAF if that means I'm karen. I'd rather be Karen who gets her money back than not karen who ends up out of pocket with a useless faulty item!

It's not nice. "Karen" is a casual, misogynastic slur in the USA. It's for women you are no longer sexually interesting, but shockingly still want a voice! It's particularly used by people on the left, ironically enough.

Karen is a lovely name, f*ck-em!

The only Karen I know is nothing like the meme she’s a brilliant laugh and absolutely wild , the sort of person you always hope will come to a night out .

Not all women in their 20s are Willows...

Not all men over 70s are Reginalds...

If we were making memes about 20 year old vegans and 70 year old men with poor eyesight, then those would be equally offensive. But no one is making those memes - ask yourself why?

Women in their 20s are allowed to speak up by the misogynists, because they might potentially be useful as sexual partners/breeding machines. Willow will be OK to complain about the menu for the next 20 years or so, but don't worry, she'll get her comeuppance once her fertile years are done with.

Men, as we have already seen, are allowed to take up as much time as they like with their requests in shops, so Reginald is safe - lucky him.

Back in the day that was against mn etiquette but I see we've moved on.

AFAIK it has never been against MN etiquette to search for a post that someone has referenced on the thread you're on.

Exactly Pelleas. I find it particularly annoying since it's "woke blokes" who use it most. They out themselves.

I agree about small battles but I feel that I spent years letting things go that I really shouldn't have and that was to my detriment so I'm damned if I'm going to do that any more. IDGAF if that means I'm karen. I'd rather be Karen who gets her money back than not karen who ends up out of pocket with a useless faulty item!

I think it would depend on the price of the item to be honest :).

I'm fairly active on Reddit and if anyone dares to question the Karen meme then they are piled on and ridiculed. It's a way to erase the female voice, similar to how the "hysterical" woman was presented in history. Women with legitimate complaints are not allowed to air them unless given permission it seems

Exactly my point- its NOT being used for unreasonable women, its being used for any woman who dares to stand up for herself and THAT is the problem and thats why its so offensive and mysogynistic

Yes I know @AlexisCarringtonColbyDexter, I was agreeing.

"If we were making memes about 20 year old vegans and 70 year old men with poor eyesight, then those would be equally offensive."

You asked us to replace the name and character trait, so that's what I did.

Joshua is 35. He's got lots of followers on social media because he makes really funny memes and shares them. Joshua takes his inspiration from real life. Joshua visited a restaurant today, and he saw several things he thought were funny.

There was a 20 year old woman complaining about the lack of vegan options on the menu. Hilarious - it was a steak house - what did she expect? She got in a real state about it too. That would make a great meme - but then Joshua remembers that some of his followers who are really hot babes are vegans just like the woman in the restaurant. Perhaps not such a good idea to piss them off.

Then there was a man in his 70s who had to have the menu read out to him twice, and was getting really tetchy with the waitress. But no, Josh thinks, that's cruel - after all, that might be me one day in the future, I'll leave that one.

Finally, there was a woman in her 50s - she'd ordered chicken but it wasn't properly cooked. She not only insisted on sending it back but insisted on speaking to the manager - she went on and on about the dangers of food poisoning, how undercooked chicken might be really dangerous. God, she was loud, and she was an ugly old bag to boot - no sympathy for her at all, a bit of pink chicken is hardly armageddon. Now there's a meme that everyone will laugh at. I'll call her 'Karen' because that's the sort of name they gave women in the 1960s.

Not all women in their 20s are Willows...

Not all men over 70s are Reginalds...

If we were making memes about 20 year old vegans and 70 year old men with poor eyesight, then those would be equally offensive. But no one is making those memes - ask yourself why?

Yes this. I feel like I’m banging my head against a brick wall here- there ARE no memes for willow or Reginald, as this poster points out. THAT is the issue, why is that?

@pelleas exactly.

Thank you

Maybe because it doesn’t translate well in the U.K. No one gets it when Karen is as likely to be serving behind the counter in a bank or shop and the people she supposed to complain about
I’d be interested in how British black woman felt white women here behaved towards them rather than those from a different country

I'm fascinated by the assumptions you make here.

Incidentally, if you think the US version doesn't exist in the UK you are deluding yourself. The difference is that the Police are not routinely armed when white, liberal, MC women call them for being "suspicious".

I'm fascinated by the assumptions you make here

They arent assumptions- I live in UK and have never ever seen this meme referenced once in regards to race. Ive only ever seen it in the context of slagging off middle age woman. In fact, thinking about it, ive only ever seen young white men use this meme on social media.