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to hate what my name has become

445 replies

tohatemyname · 06/06/2020 12:03

I have a name which is ridiculed a lot in society and is frequently used as an insult. I already have low self esteem after years of abuse and depression and anxiety as a result. MN and other social media was my respite from all the emotional fallout of the abuse.
On MN now my name is used as an insult and thrown around casually like it doesn't matter.
It fucking does matter. My one safe place to escape my feelings has been pulled from under my feet.

OP posts:
mrsBtheparker · 06/06/2020 18:53

Would you consider formally changing it?

Hence giving in to the idiots who hi-jacked it in the first place? Would a less Anglo-Saxon name be allowed to be used in such a derogatory way? Rights seem to be a one-way street.

tohatemyname · 06/06/2020 19:12

There is no way I am changing it. I suppose I could, if I wanted (I don't) change it to my middle name which isn't remotely Anglo-Saxon; it's about as far removed from English (or any European language) as it's possible to get.

OP posts:
dancinguser · 06/06/2020 19:47

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Iggi999 · 06/06/2020 19:58

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fia101 · 06/06/2020 20:04

Sorry missed the boat on this one - no idea about what the name Karen means I just thought it was a nice name.

What's the story now?

MuthaClucker · 06/06/2020 20:04

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Tianalia · 06/06/2020 20:05

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bee222 · 06/06/2020 20:14

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grassyhillocks · 06/06/2020 20:18

I've just about had enough of this.

If someone has a name which is then used by someone else to insult them or others, then that person has every damned right to ask them to stop it.

It's insulting, it's bigoted, it's offensive and it's prejudiced. Please. Just don't do it.

sixthtimelucky · 06/06/2020 20:21

It's only because of the rough time that women were called that ie 35-50 years ago and pretty much no babies since then. I have a similar name and I don't care!

thefairyfellersmasterstroke · 06/06/2020 20:47

Interesting thread.

To those asking why give this "type" a name, it's just something that humankind has always done. There are endless examples throughout the years:

Smart Alec
Clever Dick
a proper Charlie
spotty Herbert
a right Wally
hooray Henry
Billy no-mates
Nancy boy
a big Jessie
Fagash Lil
Anytime Annie

and none intended as a compliment. It's not personal to people of those names, although I'm sure it's not pleasant if people direct it to you as a "joke". Just ask anyone who got "Who the fuck is Alice?" whenever they gave their name (usually by men who thought they were hilarious). It passes.

The "Karen" type is very specific, according to DS (a manager) who works at a well-known fast food outlet to fund uni. Yes, they ask for the manager but usually to insult, swear at, and make a fuss over something incredibly trivial. He's regularly sworn at, had a tray of food thrown at him because the fries weren't hot enough, and been physically attacked because the delivery workers weren't unloading quickly enough and she wanted her salad instantly.

I asked him what they call the men who do this, and he said "Nothing, because men rarely ask for the manager". He reckons he has dealt with one man in his year as a manager, but countless dozens of women. He also reckons that it's not because they are women, as older women tend to be generally polite, and younger women tend to be more sympathetic as they have often worked in "unskilled" customer-facing roles themselves and have been on the receiving end of similar abuse. But middle-aged "Karen" complains, because she expects that she and her children (they always have children) are treated like royalty, because they're worth it.

Not all middle-aged women are Karens, he said, but they can spot them as soon as they enter the restaurant or drive-through.

I showed DS the "Karen" thread from a few days ago, and when he saw the post with the haircuts he said, "That's her! They all look exactly like that!". I guess stereotypes come about for a reason.

MuthaClucker · 06/06/2020 20:54

I haven't asked my DS what he thinks about the whole 'Karen' thing, but then I also haven't brought him up to be a sexist, misogynistic arsehole.

Not sure why anyone would want to highlight that theirs is tbh.

lifestooshort123 · 06/06/2020 20:57

The negative connotations everyone attaches to their period when describing it: "oh no Aunt Flo/AF" is here are just lovely.

I'd never heard this one! When I was at school an American girl asked me if I'd have 'my friend' with me when we went on a school trip - I said yes, and that we'd be sitting together on the coach. I was teased mercilessly but it thickened my skin!

I hope the OP is able to get over this and hold her head up high.

bee222 · 06/06/2020 21:01

The problem is @thefairyfellersmasterstroke, none of those names are being used with the same venom and frequency as the Karen meme. I have had people laugh in my face when I have told them my name (hello barrista in Starbucks), others have told me that my name is “shit” and that I should change it. Even people on this thread are suggesting people should change their name. These memes are along the lines of “fuck of, no one gives a shit about you or your opinions” and some as extreme as “fuck off and die, Karen” and “all Karen’s must be killed” (yes- I have seen these)

I don’t see this happening to any of the names on your list.

thefairyfellersmasterstroke · 06/06/2020 21:16

I also haven't brought him up to be a sexist, misogynistic arsehole.

Well good for you, madam. Have a Star

Proudboomer · 06/06/2020 21:30

These are the type of karen memes that are popping up all over social media. Now show me a Meme that uses any other name in such an insulting manner.

There is no defence of the karen meme. It is ageist, sexist and yet another crappy import from America.

to hate what my name has become
Russellbrandshair · 06/06/2020 21:31

I agree boomer - none of those names listed above have ever been used like this. That’s a rubbish comparison and we all know it

Russellbrandshair · 06/06/2020 21:38

Nothing, because men rarely ask for the manager". He reckons he has dealt with one man in his year as a manager, but countless dozens of women

I disagree. I worked in customer service for years in a convenience store to help me through college. The most awful customers were always old white men. Not only did I get vile sleazy comments on my body, sexual innuendos and jokes, they also complained the most and were the most entitled. Not to mention it was always them who would try to start fights with the security guard when the pubs closed. The idea that women are the most problematic demographic in society is laughable.

Proudboomer · 06/06/2020 21:40

People refuse to see it as it is still acceptable to ridicule middle aged women.

The worrying aspect of this is that very meme was posted on a cat Facebook I am a member of. The usual stuff posted is photos of our own cats sleeping in daft places or lost and found pets.
The karen memes are so wide spread now people just can’t see how insulting they are being. I now have a policy of calling out anyone on my Facebook who posts such memes.

bee222 · 06/06/2020 21:40

@Proudboomer I’ve had that one sent to me by colleagues so many times. One of the people that sent it to me has the phrase “proud feminist” in her social media bio and tweets a lot on IWD. I have always had problems with eating disorders. I didn’t eat the day I was sent that one. I chucked a load of food straight in the bin.

Anyone that defends the use of these memes is just a nasty bully that needs to grow the fuck up.

thefairyfellersmasterstroke · 06/06/2020 21:42

The problem is @thefairyfellersmasterstroke, none of those names are being used with the same venom and frequency as the Karen meme.

I've seen it used the way you describe in the USA, bur it's quite new to me here in the Britain so not seen that type of use here yet. I asked my DS about it as younger folk generally get onto these things first, and got the description above as a response. "All Karen's must be killed" is unacceptable, but not sure what actual people named Karen can do about it.

As far as I can gather, the general perception is that "Karens" seem to think they are superior to the people they are treating like dirt, whether that is a white person treating a POC like this, or a wannabe middle-class person looking down on, in their view, unskilled workers. It's not nice behaviour in any way, but now that the term has been coined and is in established use, I can't see it suddenly just stopping because the nice Karens aren't happy.

I am a Karen, btw, but use my middle name as I never liked it. I guess that's why I'm not too bothered about this.

Pelleas · 06/06/2020 21:42

My customer services experience is the same as Russellbrandshair.

younger women tend to be more sympathetic as they have often worked in "unskilled" customer-facing roles themselves and have been on the receiving end of similar abuse. But middle-aged "Karen" complains

"Middle-aged Karen" was young Karen once, for goodness sake! What a nonsense argument.

bee222 · 06/06/2020 21:46

@thefairyfellersmasterstroke

I don’t know, I just thought maybe as adults we were beyond taking part and encouraging lazy stereotypes.

WellTidy · 06/06/2020 21:53

My mum (born in the 40s) is a Sharon. She has had people assume that she sleeps around, smokes, swears, drinks lager, doesn’t work and is blonde. All because of her name. She is/does none of these things. It is absolutely bizarre and seems unbelievable or that there must be some other reason for it, but I have seen it happen myself lots of times. People have openly said that they thought Sharons were/did these things.

It is shit.

LadyFeliciaMontague · 06/06/2020 21:56

Is the new thread are you a Karen trying to say something I’m not understanding?

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/3931127-Are-you-a-Karen