to hate what my name has become

[tohatemyname]

I have a name which is ridiculed a lot in society and is frequently used as an insult. I already have low self esteem after years of abuse and depression and anxiety as a result. MN and other social media was my respite from all the emotional fallout of the abuse.
On MN now my name is used as an insult and thrown around casually like it doesn't matter.
It fucking does matter. My one safe place to escape my feelings has been pulled from under my feet.

"Why don't we have a meme for them?"

Start one and see if it gains traction.

I guess the Karen meme took off because so many people in the service industry had encountered her. Whereas fewer people have had the experience of an irate male causing trouble at a government office or throwing up in their taxi.

Start one and see if it gains traction

This is actually a good idea! Maybe I will 😆

"You are judging woman called Karen because of this meme and that's the problem with it."

Nobody is judging all Karens and assuming they are like the meme. If that is your concern I really think you can rest easy.

My friend works nights in his taxi. The most trouble he gets from women are them being drunk. He’s never been threatened by “Karen” but he’s been afraid for his safety many times with male customers and he’s been racially abused by male customers

"Men commit most violent crimes and sexual assaults yet the only meme we have is for a woman.
Doesn’t that strike you as rather odd?"

I think that if you are a victim of violent crime or sexual assault there are avenues available to you and a jokey Facebook meme wouldn't be any of them.

Whereas if you work in the service industry and have had your shift spoilt by a succession of Karens, maybe the only recourse available to you is a joke with like-minded friends and colleagues who have experienced similar.

But the Karen meme is not a woman expressing an opinion. It is a woman rudely expressing an offensive opinion, and/or trying to garner privilege for herself.

So wanting to speak to a manager in a shop because you are unhappy is an 'offensive' opinion? Heaven forfend that a woman might try to claw back some privilege from a man.

It’s misogyny. Plain and simple. You can argue against it all you like but having worked in customer service myself I’ve witnessed men being belligerent aggressive and sexually harassing. They chose to focus on a woman due to mysogyny. It really is that simple.

You're not at all unreasonable. We should all be together on calling out those who use a perfectly ordinary name as a label for a type of person that frequently doesn't - cannot - fit and be sure not to use it ourselves. People jump on the band wagon. 25 years ago and less it was 'Sharon', now it's something else and totally unfair to people with the given name. It has to stop.

"So wanting to speak to a manager in a shop because you are unhappy is an 'offensive' opinion?"

Well it depends on why she's unhappy as to whether it's offensive doesn't it?

Well it depends on why she's unhappy as to whether it's offensive doesn't it?

Can you give an example of an offensive reason for being unhappy with the service in a shop?

I gave one example upthread, of a situation I witnessed yesterday.

So wanting to speak to a manager in a shop because you are unhappy is an 'offensive' opinion? Heaven forfend that a woman might try to claw back some privilege from a man

Yes, because women are meant to soft and nice and agreeable so God forbid they ever assert themselves if thieve had poor service or they bought something that fell apart or broke 10 minutes after buying!
Women are socialised like this from birth and I can say its taken me about 20 years to actually find my "voice" and feel confident in complaining about things that are sub par. In my 20s I felt too shy or that I shouldn't "make a fuss". In the same way that men are socialised not to cry, women are socialised not to complain or be angry about anything. Now, I complain with gusto and am glad of it. I dont complain about anything petty or that doesnt warrant a complaint but if I'm being charged for something that doesnt bloody work you bet I complain now and I get my money back, which is right. Why should I pay for something that doesn work? am i supposed to just shrug my shoulders and lose that money for the sake of being "nice"? fck that. Men dont do that.

they've not thieve!

"Yes, because women are meant to soft and nice and agreeable so God forbid they ever assert themselves if thieve had poor service or they bought something that fell apart or broke 10 minutes after buying!"

You wouldn't be a Karen for complaining about genuinely poor service or something that fell apart after ten minutes though - all justified complaints.

You wouldn't be a Karen for complaining about genuinely poor service or something that fell apart after ten minutes though - all justified complaints

Of course I would- thats what the meme expresses- ANY woman who dares to assert herself is a "karen". Thats the entire point of the meme lol

The use of Karen as a derogatory term will die out. You could have been a Plain Jane or a Kevin the Teenager. They're all silly stereotypes. Not nice. But they fade

No it isn't. It isn't criticising a woman who asserts herself. The origins have already been discussed on here. You are getting upset about something that doesn't exist.

Karen isn't the woman returning a faulty item.

Karen is belittling the customer service employee, rudely expressing offensive opinions that no one asked for and/or trying to gain privilege for her and her family. She doesn't want to wait or queue like everyone else and the shop policies don't apply to her.

Women are socialised like this from birth and I can say its taken me about 20 years to actually find my "voice" and feel confident in complaining about things that are sub par. In my 20s I felt too shy or that I shouldn't "make a fuss"

Oddly, it's been the opposite for me. I used to fight for my individual rights, now, after experiences of abuse and ridicule, I am less prone to do so.

Do you mean this -

The woman loudly complaining about NHS employees getting priority in the supermarket this morning, then saying covid was a made-up conspiracy, then saying it was down to 5G, then demanding to see a manager because her human rights was being impinged

If so, I fail to see how that is 'offensive'. Annoying, yes - ill-informed, yes, selfish, yes but not offensive. We have no right to slap an 'offensive' label on everyone who disagrees with the way a shop is being run, or who embraces a silly conspiracy theory.

Oddly, it's been the opposite for me. I used to fight for my individual rights, now, after experiences of abuse and ridicule, I am less prone to do so

I can see how life grinds you down to the point it just becomes too much effort. Would you like to go back to how you were? I really encourage you to do so- lots of books on amazon about asserting yourself in an effective way. What really helped me was reading books on dealing with difficult people- gives you ways of responding that dont involve being manipulated by them.

but a name is so personal, it's your identity isn't it?

It's not my identity, it's a name tag that's all. My identity is what I am, where I'm from, my experiences and culture. If I change my name I don't suddenly change my identity, I find that ridiculous.

@tohatemyname what do you mean by this comment? My one safe place to escape my feelings has been pulled from under my feet.

Btw I also have one of the names mentioned on this thread and is currently used as an insult.

The woman loudly complaining about NHS employees getting priority in the supermarket this morning

I actually know of quite a few NHS employees that dont agree with this either and dont use their badge to get priority- guess they must be Karens too eh?!
They feel that why should they go before someone who is disabled or pregnant or otherwise finding it hard to queue?

• No it isn't. It isn't criticising a woman who asserts herself. The origins have already been discussed on here. You are getting upset about something that doesn't exist.

Karen isn't the woman returning a faulty item.

Karen is belittling the customer service employee, rudely expressing offensive opinions that no one asked for and/or trying to gain privilege for her and her family. She doesn't want to wait or queue like everyone else and the shop policies don't apply to her.*

Perhaps this nasty meme was meant to be about the latter. But inevitably it also gets applied to the former by people who don't like assertive women (perhaps particularly when they're right).

Anyway - OP. It's a cheap, shitty, sexist and ageist jibe, and its tough for you that whoever coined it happened to pick your name.

Not all middle-aged women are Karens, he said, but they can spot them as soon as they enter the restaurant or drive-through.

Um, yeah I think I'd be a bit disappointed if DS came out with a comment like that rather than seemingly agreeing with it.

"If so, I fail to see how that is 'offensive'. "

I love that you trawled back through this massive thread to find that.

Her opinions were loudly shared with people who hadn't asked for them.

Her views around the current pandemic were expressed rudely and offensively.

She wanted the manager to let her skip the queue.

So yes, I feel she fit the brief tbh. Maybe you had to be there.