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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not invited..aibu to be hurt?

108 replies

hammy345 · 06/06/2020 09:37

Il shorten this as much as possible.
Also name changed as my other threads have too much personal info.
Last year my good friend (or so I thought ) introduced me to her friend.(gay and I'm bisexual )
We got on well but she's a player.
Now we all start going out together and I start sleeping with her and going out for food etc.
My friend got jealous of me joining the group so cut me off and the invites with them stopped.
Me and this girl continued to text daily for 10 months.
Tonight she's having a party (ex friend will be there ) and she's texting me showing me (lights,DJ machine ) etc she's bought.
I'm not invited
I feel hurt
I'm good enough to text every day
All day..but not good enough to be invited.
I had a little cry because I have feelings for her.
If she really wanted she could say to her friend (my ex friend ) she's invited me and deal with it.
I'm just hurt
I feel not good enough
At one point I thought me and her were becoming a thing.

OP posts:
Original poster
hammy345 · 06/06/2020 10:14

@MittensTheSerpent we still speak daily ,all day etc
She opens up to me and I think we are getting close.
Then she shows me once again she doesn't care.

OP posts:
Marnie76 · 06/06/2020 10:16

I think if the party was for a lot more people (obviously not allowed atm) then you would be justified to be annoyed. But with only 6/7 people there, 2 ignoring each other would make things impossibly awkward.

I don’t know why she would be sending you pictures of the party set up though, that seems goady. I think you should leave these two to it and move on with your other friends.

Original poster
hammy345 · 06/06/2020 10:16

I told the girl all of the lengths my ex friend went too.
She wasn't bothered,still licking her arse etc
She caused so much trouble for me and it hurt that this girl wasn't bothered.
She didn't have my back what so ever
The lengths she went too you wouldn't believe.

OP posts:
cosytoaster · 06/06/2020 10:16

YANBU to be hurt. You should end this situation with this woman, I'm sure she's aware of your feelings and is taking advantage. Walk away!

curtainsforme · 06/06/2020 10:17

Then she shows me once again she doesn't care.

She is meeting up with her friends.

diddl · 06/06/2020 10:19

"What does closed ranks mean exactly ?"

That they were friends first & when your ex friend didn't like the situation between you & the friend she introduced you to, they cut you out of that friendship.
I don't understand why only one became your ex friend tbh.

The fact that the other could stop seeing you so easily shows that she thinks nothing of you.

Also you refer to her as a player-so you've always known that it's unlikely she was interested in a relationship?

Original poster
hammy345 · 06/06/2020 10:19

Thanks everyone for your opinions.
It's my birthday tomorrow
I think I'm too old for the drama
I'm going to try and not spend the day moping

OP posts:
Original poster
hammy345 · 06/06/2020 10:20

@diddl that's very true.
If she thought anything of me,she wouldn't have cut me out that easy.
I think I'm deluding myself

OP posts:
Original poster
hammy345 · 06/06/2020 10:21

@diddl and yeah as soon as every sat/Sunday she was sleeping around I realised she didn't want serious with me

OP posts:
Tappering · 06/06/2020 10:22

She opens up to me and I think we are getting close.

Stop chasing someone who isn't interested. You've said yourself she is a player and sleeping with other women.

She wants to carry on speaking to ex-friend - which is fine.

You don't want to be left out - understandable.
She's trying to split her time between both of you - her choice.
She wants a party but chose to invite ex-friend over you because she can't have you both there - again, her choice, but she's not that into you.

She's not giving you the relationship that you want, and it's making you miserable. Stop expecting her to change. She's not right for you but someone else will be.

pictish · 06/06/2020 10:23

Right...so I’m sorry for being blunt but here’s how it is.

Ex friend is fickle and selfish and clearly isn’t invested in you as a friend so you’re right not to bother with her any more.

Potential girlfriend prefers ex friend to you. As you say, she has chosen.
For what it’s worth I think she sounds like an arrogant twerp. She told you she’d hurt you in full confidence, knowing it wouldn’t put you off and that you’d accept being treated shoddily.

Neither of these people sound like they have a shred of integrity. They are not your tribe.

sonjadog · 06/06/2020 10:29

I think you are making something that isn't about you, about you. She is allowed to spend time with people other than you, right? And have other friends? That is what she is doing tonight. If she were inviting a group of other people over and your ex-friend wasn't one of them, would you not just be wishing her a pleasant evening? I think maybe your feelings towards your ex-friend are clouding your judgment on this one.

Original poster
hammy345 · 06/06/2020 10:31

@sonjadog I wouldn't bat an eyelid it is because my ex friend is going over.
It's because of the way my ex friend has treated me and I thought this girl would be loyal to me.

OP posts:
Original poster
hammy345 · 06/06/2020 10:32

@pictish thanks for being honest.
Her and my ex friend are in a group (with 5 other girls )
Yet they al slag each other
So fickle

OP posts:
pictish · 06/06/2020 10:33

Why did you think she would be loyal to you?

pictish · 06/06/2020 10:34

They all slag each other.
So yes, fickle...and demonstrably disloyal.

MashedPotatoBrainz · 06/06/2020 10:34

Sounds to me like you think there's more between you than there actually is. Delete, block and move on.

Original poster
hammy345 · 06/06/2020 10:34

@Tappering thanks for your honestly.
Everything you said is 100% correct
She would never choose me over the queen bee.
What she wants,she gets
Even tho she is a vile person but normally they seem better thought of.

OP posts:
HouseOfEdwards · 06/06/2020 10:34

She’s in a friendship group that doesn’t include you because the person who you were originally friends with and you and no longer speaking.

They have all known each other for years and are close.

I don’t think it’s up to the one you are shagging to sort out this drama. She shouldn’t have to intervene and tell the original friend that she doesn’t want to be friends with OG friend if she doesn’t make it up with you.

Your relationship with this girl means far more to you than it does to her.

Chandler12 · 06/06/2020 10:35

You’re unreasonable to be hurt because they both sound like absolute knobs.

To one you’re an ex friend. To the other you’re an ex shag. Why would you be invited.

She might text you daily but as a “player” she likely gets off on the sheer volume of women she texts daily. There is nothing that captivates people that are into you more than making them feel like you’re “opening up” to them. Keep that in mind.

It sounds utterly shit having feelings for someone that doesn’t reciprocate. I promise time will fix tour heart, but until then try and occupy away from her as much as possible. If you can’t go “cold turkey” then you need to gradually lessen contact for your own mind.

Original poster
hammy345 · 06/06/2020 10:35

@pictish i thought she had some feelings for me.
I thought we might have got together.
Then all this happened and I realised wow I've been deluding myself.
I genuinely thought she cared.

OP posts:
diddl · 06/06/2020 10:36

hammy345

It's hard when you like someone & they don't like you back in the way you want them to.

You're not the only one who has been happy with the crumbs that have been dropped in the hope that they'll lead to an invitation to the table!

She's stringing you along & you know that.

It's a hard realisation that others can treat you so badly-especially when you obviously care for them & when it's something that you could never do yourself as you just aren't that cruel.

But you know so that's the first step.

Now extricate yourself-and there's no need to think about her feelings when doing this-she won't care!

Hopefully you can find stuff to occupy you tomorrow & spend some time in touch with friends who care about you.

Original poster
hammy345 · 06/06/2020 10:37

I think it upset me the most because she actually spoke about us becoming a couple.
She said things that made me think it was going to amount to more then backtracked and said I imagined it.
I didn't it came out of her mouth.
It's just been a massive head f#%

OP posts:
curtainsforme · 06/06/2020 10:39

thought she had some feelings for me.
I thought we might have got together.
Then all this happened and I realised wow I've been deluding myself.
I genuinely thought she cared.

I genuinely can't understand why her seeing her friends means she doesn't care about you?

People see other people. It's normal.

Not knowing where you stand with this person is unrelated and you simply need to talk to her.

curtainsforme · 06/06/2020 10:40

It's because of the way my ex friend has treated me and I thought this girl would be loyal to me.

Ohhhh. You are expecting this person to ditch her friend of many years because you have fallen out with them? Yeah that's not a thing.

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