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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To share my happy ending

406 replies

SecretSpAD · 05/06/2020 21:28

I've never talked about this on MN but after recently NCing so I could admit to my previous job I've decided I'm sufficiently anonymous now!

Two years ago my husbands sister died of cancer. She was a drug addict and well known to the health services so when she started presenting with some pretty serious red flag symptoms she was ignored. My husband did his best to get her listened to - he went to the GP with her, got her referred but it was too late - it's nit entirely her GP's fault as she did have a habit of going to the surgery stoned and then not telling the GP what the actual,problem was. She died 6 months later and in her final days asked us if we could take responsibility for her two children - then 11 and 15. We are childless ourselves, but had always been close to our nephew and niece and so said yes.

Two years ago these wonderful children came to live with us in London. We had pretty hard on jobs - at that time my husband was (and still is) a senior civil servant and I was a special advisor. It was a shock to the system for the children has they had grown up in a rural area, but they were excited by London and the anonymity of no one knowing they were the local druggies' children. We offered to move anywhere they wanted, but they loved London. We all made loads of mistakes along the way. I know it is hard enough to be a parent of the teenager when you have had them from birth, but when they suddenly appear in your life.....well, we fucked up many times. But we all muddled through and with lots of counselling, many tears, tantrums and arguments (some of them with the children!) we got through the first year.

Cutting a long story short, last summer we decided to move out of London and to Cornwall. I had quit my job and was doing freelance work and my husband was disillusioned with his and wanted to plan to leave too. The children and I moved in September and my husband visited each weekend. We acquired a dog and several cats. A rabbit also suddenly appeared out of no where one day and my niece has recently started whatapping pictures of a litter of puppies so no doubt we will be getting another dog before long. She has also, after years of objecting strongly to any and all education, decided she wants to be a vet nurse.
My nephew has discovered a talent and love for woodwork and is interested in training as a carpenter. My husband, who's hobby is carpentry, has handed in his resignation and plans to start a business making things out of wood with our nephew - though the latter is being encouraged to do an apprenticeship as well.

The best thing, however, was the moment, about a year ago when the children sat us down and said that they would like us to adopt them. That was, as you can imagine, a long process and one that involved several conversations with their deadbeat father who fucked off before my niece was born. After the initial posturing he gave in and gave permission......ams today, today we got the official news...,,,we are our niece and nephews new parents.

Of course, being teenagers during lockdown they were complete gits today GrinGrin and their response to our news was "you've been our mum and dad for the last two years and a piece of paper means nothing. But can we get a pizza tonight anyway?"

God I love them.

Apologies for the un AIBU AIBU.

OP posts:
Notwatchingtvtoday · 05/06/2020 22:35

Congratulations thank you for sharing

ILoveAnOwl · 05/06/2020 22:35

Thank you for sharing. Whilst I'm so sorry for all that you've all been through, I'm thrilled for you all that this is the outcome. Congratulations Ma and Pa!

howlatthetrees · 05/06/2020 22:36

This has made me cry, what a lovely story❤️

Rubyroost · 05/06/2020 22:36

Awwww brought a tear to my eye. What a happy ending for all of you

LadyFuschia · 05/06/2020 22:38

Congrats to the new family!! Sounds amazing. Enjoy every minute.

shushymcshush · 05/06/2020 22:39

You win the internet today!

Lovely. Wish you all continued happiness in your super little family.

Greyblueeyes · 05/06/2020 22:39

Oh lord. Now I'm tearing up in the liquor store! How wonderful, OP. I'm just thrilled for all of you. I wish you all the happiness in the world

Desertislanddreamer · 05/06/2020 22:40

I’m so glad I clicked on this post, made me week! Congratulations to you all Flowers

RoadTripsOceanDips · 05/06/2020 22:41

How wonderful!

truthisarevolutionaryact · 05/06/2020 22:41

What a fantastic post. Teenagers can be hard work and parenting is the most humbling experience. Well done to the four of you Flowers

SecretSpAD · 05/06/2020 22:41

You win the internet today

I'm honoured! Remind me of this next time they are complete gits. I'm sure I wasn't that unreasonable when I was their ages lol.

My daughter has just gone to bed and said "night mum, night dad"

I'm gone

OP posts:
EmJay19 · 05/06/2020 22:42

Soooooo lovely ❤️💙❤️💙 Your family deserve lots of happiness

Harveywoo · 05/06/2020 22:42

Oh that is just lovely. All four of you should be very proud of yourselves and each other for getting though such tough times and for simply being happy together

Janus · 05/06/2020 22:43

I think they are very lucky to find you both! What a lovely ending though, I hope all your lives continue to be happy and filled with love.

MamaFirst · 05/06/2020 22:45

Awww your story could be a novel. Beautiful, congratulations to you all ❤️

Castoreum · 05/06/2020 22:45

This is beautiful. I needed to read something lovely. Thank you.

AgentOhDoSodOff · 05/06/2020 22:46

Congratulations !!
Thank you so much for posting. I haven’t read the whole thread as I have teamed up.
You sound like amazing parents and I wish you all the best for the future ❤️

(emotional as I’ve worked with children who are having difficult starts and the difference you’ll have made in your kids lives is immeasurable)

1WildTeaParty · 05/06/2020 22:46

Congratulations to you all and best wishes for the next steps in your adventure.

Thank-you for sharing good news - it is so very welcome tonight.

Littlecaf · 05/06/2020 22:46

Awww. Amazing. Thank you for sharing.

tenlittlecygnets · 05/06/2020 22:46

I'm very sorry for your husband's sister. No one wants to be an addict.

Her dc were very lucky to have you. What a lovely happy ending for them. Enjoy your family!

SecretSpAD · 05/06/2020 22:46

I hope all your lives continue to be happy and filled with love.

And slammed doors, moods, hormones, tears for no reason, shouting, being to,d that we don't understand them, friendship dramas, first loves......

And then, hopefully, in about 10 years it'll all settle down again 🤣

OP posts:
Oilyoilyoilgob · 05/06/2020 22:47

Goosebumps! In the best way possible 💚 you sound like amazing parents and they sound great kids. Best of luck to you all ☺️

LockdownLove · 05/06/2020 22:48

Having been adopted and lost my mother by my teens your story touched my heart.

May you, your husband and your son and daughter have a long and happy life together.

Thanks to you people like you and my dad - your kids and I have the chance to grow up into happy well adjusted adults and raise happy families of our own.

Thank you

EmbarrassingAdmissions · 05/06/2020 22:48

Title: Not flesh by my flesh

Author: Fleur Conkling Heyliger

Not flesh of my flesh
Nor bone of my bone,
But still miraculously my own.
Never forget for a single minute,
You didn't grow under my heart
But in it.

Many congratulations to you and the family you've created by your shared endeavours and hearts.

PinkiOcelot · 05/06/2020 22:50

What a lovely story OP. Xx

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