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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To share my happy ending

406 replies

SecretSpAD · 05/06/2020 21:28

I've never talked about this on MN but after recently NCing so I could admit to my previous job I've decided I'm sufficiently anonymous now!

Two years ago my husbands sister died of cancer. She was a drug addict and well known to the health services so when she started presenting with some pretty serious red flag symptoms she was ignored. My husband did his best to get her listened to - he went to the GP with her, got her referred but it was too late - it's nit entirely her GP's fault as she did have a habit of going to the surgery stoned and then not telling the GP what the actual,problem was. She died 6 months later and in her final days asked us if we could take responsibility for her two children - then 11 and 15. We are childless ourselves, but had always been close to our nephew and niece and so said yes.

Two years ago these wonderful children came to live with us in London. We had pretty hard on jobs - at that time my husband was (and still is) a senior civil servant and I was a special advisor. It was a shock to the system for the children has they had grown up in a rural area, but they were excited by London and the anonymity of no one knowing they were the local druggies' children. We offered to move anywhere they wanted, but they loved London. We all made loads of mistakes along the way. I know it is hard enough to be a parent of the teenager when you have had them from birth, but when they suddenly appear in your life.....well, we fucked up many times. But we all muddled through and with lots of counselling, many tears, tantrums and arguments (some of them with the children!) we got through the first year.

Cutting a long story short, last summer we decided to move out of London and to Cornwall. I had quit my job and was doing freelance work and my husband was disillusioned with his and wanted to plan to leave too. The children and I moved in September and my husband visited each weekend. We acquired a dog and several cats. A rabbit also suddenly appeared out of no where one day and my niece has recently started whatapping pictures of a litter of puppies so no doubt we will be getting another dog before long. She has also, after years of objecting strongly to any and all education, decided she wants to be a vet nurse.
My nephew has discovered a talent and love for woodwork and is interested in training as a carpenter. My husband, who's hobby is carpentry, has handed in his resignation and plans to start a business making things out of wood with our nephew - though the latter is being encouraged to do an apprenticeship as well.

The best thing, however, was the moment, about a year ago when the children sat us down and said that they would like us to adopt them. That was, as you can imagine, a long process and one that involved several conversations with their deadbeat father who fucked off before my niece was born. After the initial posturing he gave in and gave permission......ams today, today we got the official news...,,,we are our niece and nephews new parents.

Of course, being teenagers during lockdown they were complete gits today GrinGrin and their response to our news was "you've been our mum and dad for the last two years and a piece of paper means nothing. But can we get a pizza tonight anyway?"

God I love them.

Apologies for the un AIBU AIBU.

OP posts:
pintsizeprincess · 05/06/2020 22:28

Aw what an absolutely heart warming story. Congratulations to all of you. You sound like a really lovely family.

Worrysaboutalot · 05/06/2020 22:29

How lovely. Congratulations Flowers

Sparklyring · 05/06/2020 22:29

Congratulations. Wonderful post, crying happy tears for you.

DuckonaBike · 05/06/2020 22:29

How lovely to hear a story with a happy ending. Wishing you and your family all the best xx

NKffffffffc77aeba8X127fb35eb13 · 05/06/2020 22:29

Great stuff!🙂

ThePianist38 · 05/06/2020 22:29

Things in life happens for a reason , congratulations and welcome to parenthood ( officially) 👍

Daffodil1967 · 05/06/2020 22:29

Congratulations. Best Wishes to you all.😁

Tiktokcringeydance · 05/06/2020 22:30

so nice to hear a postive story (and especially after traumatic times)
Congratulations.

mygrandchildrenrock · 05/06/2020 22:31

Congratulations to all of you! Flowers Wine Star

ticktackted · 05/06/2020 22:31

Congratulations! What a fab story - the things we could never plan for or predict in life are often the things that turn out to be the most amazing! I hope they both succeed in their chosen paths - they deserve to thrive, and the world needs vet nurses and carpenters!

Rosesarere · 05/06/2020 22:31

What a lovely story, congratulations to you all

GoodSister · 05/06/2020 22:31

Congratulations, love and best wishes to all of you

SospanFrangipan · 05/06/2020 22:31

Absolutely love this! Congratulations to you all for pushing through the hard times and creating what sounds like a very family 🥰

P999 · 05/06/2020 22:32

I loved this post. Am a bit teary reading it. Sorry if that sounds soppy. OP, one thing I'd say though, you need to start calling them your son/ daughter now! I guess calling them niece and nephew is a habit but one you can happily ditch now. A MASSIVE congratulations to you all!

didireallysaythat · 05/06/2020 22:32

Wow. Just wow.

You've made me happy. Thank you.

Didactylos · 05/06/2020 22:32

Thats lovely, wishing all of you the best!

abw94 · 05/06/2020 22:32

This is such a beautiful story ❤️

Flippinfurloughed · 05/06/2020 22:33

You have honestly made my day, thank you so much for posting - congratulations to the @SecretSpAD family Flowers

headlock · 05/06/2020 22:33

This is wonderful and heartwarming. Congratulations to you and all the best to your family for the future.

keiratwiceknightly · 05/06/2020 22:33

How utterly lovely. Congratulations.

HappydaysArehere · 05/06/2020 22:33

Well done you and your dh. All things in life that have real importance involve effort, trial and error and dedication. You have given much and your reward will be in abundance. Good luck to you and your family.

Experimenopause · 05/06/2020 22:34

Thanks for posting this. I had a shite day at work and was feeling quite low. Your post made me feel better. Congrats Flowers

SecretSpAD · 05/06/2020 22:34

keep their mother's story could have so easily been mine - that's why I can't judge. My mother was shit. My father lovely, but weak (we have an excellent relationship now). It is just luck that I took the road to Uni, medical degree and a good career. My brothers and sisters did similarly. We are lucky we escaped and education allowed us the self respect to achieve it. To the outside we too had everything - aristocracy, private education, exotic holidays.....but we were fucked up by a mother who was envious of the opportunities we had because it was a different time ams us girls were not just there to be brood mares for the local earl.

We don't have any money that we haven't earned or saved. Our teenagers have nothing except what we can give them. They go to a comprehensive school, they will have choices what to do with their lives - but they will need to work, as we do.

OP posts:
babbi · 05/06/2020 22:35

Congratulations 💖

SukiPutTheEarlGreyOn · 05/06/2020 22:35

You sound like wonderful parents with wonderful teens. You’ve made brave and life-enhancing choices. When you have a solid base of love and care like this you can do anything. Raising a Wine to you and wishing your lovely family all good things for the future. Flowers

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