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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To share my happy ending

406 replies

SecretSpAD · 05/06/2020 21:28

I've never talked about this on MN but after recently NCing so I could admit to my previous job I've decided I'm sufficiently anonymous now!

Two years ago my husbands sister died of cancer. She was a drug addict and well known to the health services so when she started presenting with some pretty serious red flag symptoms she was ignored. My husband did his best to get her listened to - he went to the GP with her, got her referred but it was too late - it's nit entirely her GP's fault as she did have a habit of going to the surgery stoned and then not telling the GP what the actual,problem was. She died 6 months later and in her final days asked us if we could take responsibility for her two children - then 11 and 15. We are childless ourselves, but had always been close to our nephew and niece and so said yes.

Two years ago these wonderful children came to live with us in London. We had pretty hard on jobs - at that time my husband was (and still is) a senior civil servant and I was a special advisor. It was a shock to the system for the children has they had grown up in a rural area, but they were excited by London and the anonymity of no one knowing they were the local druggies' children. We offered to move anywhere they wanted, but they loved London. We all made loads of mistakes along the way. I know it is hard enough to be a parent of the teenager when you have had them from birth, but when they suddenly appear in your life.....well, we fucked up many times. But we all muddled through and with lots of counselling, many tears, tantrums and arguments (some of them with the children!) we got through the first year.

Cutting a long story short, last summer we decided to move out of London and to Cornwall. I had quit my job and was doing freelance work and my husband was disillusioned with his and wanted to plan to leave too. The children and I moved in September and my husband visited each weekend. We acquired a dog and several cats. A rabbit also suddenly appeared out of no where one day and my niece has recently started whatapping pictures of a litter of puppies so no doubt we will be getting another dog before long. She has also, after years of objecting strongly to any and all education, decided she wants to be a vet nurse.
My nephew has discovered a talent and love for woodwork and is interested in training as a carpenter. My husband, who's hobby is carpentry, has handed in his resignation and plans to start a business making things out of wood with our nephew - though the latter is being encouraged to do an apprenticeship as well.

The best thing, however, was the moment, about a year ago when the children sat us down and said that they would like us to adopt them. That was, as you can imagine, a long process and one that involved several conversations with their deadbeat father who fucked off before my niece was born. After the initial posturing he gave in and gave permission......ams today, today we got the official news...,,,we are our niece and nephews new parents.

Of course, being teenagers during lockdown they were complete gits today GrinGrin and their response to our news was "you've been our mum and dad for the last two years and a piece of paper means nothing. But can we get a pizza tonight anyway?"

God I love them.

Apologies for the un AIBU AIBU.

OP posts:
7yo7yo · 05/06/2020 23:06

How wonderful! Just the kind of thing you need to hear at a time like this. Wishing you all health wealth and happiness!Flowers

Bettysprocker · 05/06/2020 23:07

That brought a lump to my throat. Congratulations, what a lovely post.

SecretSpAD · 05/06/2020 23:07

I love teenagers because no matter what happens it’s always about food too.

This is probably the best advice I've been given in the last two years!!

Im off to bed shortly because I'm shattered and also because I am sensing that my nephew/son needs some one on one time with his new dad.

It feels weird to refer them as son and daughter - they seem more comfortable with it than we are at the moment. More accepting of our roles in their lives - while we are still nervous and finding our feet. I think they know more what they want from us than we know what to give them.

OP posts:
Jellycatspyjamas · 05/06/2020 23:09

Many congratulations, mum at last. Adoption is a fabulous way to make a family xxx

BrightYellowDaffodil · 05/06/2020 23:10

That is so lovely. Congratulations to all of you.

Deadringer · 05/06/2020 23:12

Beautiful story, thank you op. The difference you have made in those children's lives is incalculable. Best wishes for all of you in the future.

Freeekedout · 05/06/2020 23:13

Congratulations! Heartwarming. What a wonderful story. I hope you all live happily ever after x

Thighdentitycrisis · 05/06/2020 23:13

Yours is a truly lovely and wonderful happy ending, sounds like you all deserve it

MissBridgetJones · 05/06/2020 23:13

I bloody love this! X
Made my evening, had a bit of a tear, then went upstairs and squished my step children in their bunks and felt very happy with my lot.

Tillygetsit · 05/06/2020 23:13

Beautiful. Congratulations Flowers

Hoggleludo · 05/06/2020 23:13

Oh my gosh. My mother always wanted to be a foster parent. With a huge house and 15 odd teenagers who were stuck in the system. Your story reminded me of it

Sadly we had a very bad time and she was never able too. But at least someone did something similar. Took on some children so they didn't end up in the system.

Love to you all and such a beautiful story.

OliviaPopeRules · 05/06/2020 23:14

That is so lovely, congratulations to you all Flowers Flowers Flowers

MrsScrubbingbrush · 05/06/2020 23:15

What a lovely heartwarming story.

Your son & daughter are right though, you've been their parents for the last couple of years and a piece of paper means nothing to them. You & your DH on the other hand obviously mean everything to them, especially if you provide pizza!

mortforya · 05/06/2020 23:17

Beautiful story and both you and your husband sound like wonderful and caring human beings which this world badly needs more of. You had made my day, knowing that people like you both still exist, how wonderful, thank you for posting your beautiful story xxx

NowApparently · 05/06/2020 23:17

This is absolutely heartwarming, congratulations to you all! You've done an amazing job at stepping into the role of parenting teenagers, and they sound like they're a credit to you and your husband.

RhubarbTea · 05/06/2020 23:18

This is a tremendous story. And so lovely to read. I'm down in the same bit of the world as well.

GiantKitten · 05/06/2020 23:18

Glorious story, thank you so much, SecretSpAD

Brought a tear to my jaded old eye Flowers

Nachonacho · 05/06/2020 23:19

I love this ❤️

Hollyhobbi · 05/06/2020 23:19

Ah. Fantastic for ye and them.

Diversion · 05/06/2020 23:20

Congratulations, your niece and nephew now have a very happy future to look forward to. Wishing you and them lots of happiness!

Happymum12345 · 05/06/2020 23:20

That really is a happy ending. Congratulations!

Canshopwillshop · 05/06/2020 23:20

Amazing - so happy for you all.

TawnyPippit · 05/06/2020 23:20

I salute you and your DH. Best wishes to all of you!

Parenting teens is such a lively time; mine drive me bonkers day to day, yet can be so thoughtful about bigger things (DD has apparently just emailed our MP about Black Lives Matter).

If you haven’t found the Teenagers board, please come on over. I have two teens and have had sex and drugs and rock n’roll in the last 18 months (plus drunkenness, mean girls and GCSE disaster trauma). There is great advice and solidarity there. We’ll be there with you holding the sick bucket and agonising over exam options!

BitOfFun · 05/06/2020 23:21

What a wonderful and uplifting piece of news- thank you for sharing it with us Flowers.

Whatelsecouldibecalled · 05/06/2020 23:22

This is incredible and so lovely to read. Thank you for sharing!

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