Mother in law dumping her off stuff on us.

[A82971151]

Above says it all ^^

She’s obviously having a sort out whilst she’s off work furloughed. She doesn’t like to get rid of anything but happy to dump it on us.

She’s collecting things she thinks we might like. I won’t go into great detail. But old clothes, old toys that were here kids that too long ago but my two aren’t interested just things we don’t really need it have the space for in our tiny house.

I sound ungrateful but I’d be so embarrassed to give it away. I only give away things that people would appreciate if ever.

Oh has been popping over there for socially distancing chats and every time he comes back with a bag of crap. It’s often been stored away for ages and is grubby, smelly and ready for the bin.

Aibu to tell my partner to refuse to bring anything else home?

I’ve just been out to oh’s work vehicle to get something and there bags of junk that he’s obviously not brought in yet for me to see 🤣

She’s not elderly btw. She’s furloughed off work and doesn’t like to get rid of anything. If she finds out we are getting rid of something she hates it. She likes to re home things etc.

Just putting this out there so that you can thank your lucky stars that last week you didn't receive:
Four silver plated tea pots
A mahogany veneer grandfather clock
A mahogany octagonal dining table
A bag of 15 quarter balls of white wool.
OH thought he'd upset gran if he said no.

@Alsohuman

Tips here have been open for a fortnight.

Ours also.

But you have to book a time slot, they will not accept anyone rolling up willy-nilly. And they are not accepting everything they previously did right now.

My husbands ex wife used to do this. "No thanks we don't need a stained cot mattress for our 1 year old, she already has one oddly enough " and no we don't need any third hand ripped cot sheets held together with cord. Or a banned amby hammock for the newborn to suffocate in thanks!
My mum is a hoarder and endlessly wants to give things to me that she insists are in her way but never seems to see the huge piles of crap that take up every space in her home. You either do her a favour and take the stuff and charity shop/bin/recycle it or put your foot down and shut the door.

As it's your MiL, it's up to your DH to say something.
You had your opportunity when you were on your facetime chat when she mentioned she had more stuff for you by not jumping in and saying "but we're clearing out the stuff you've already brought as we need our space back, not for filling with more stuff".
If your DH doesn't say something, you will have to remind him that you were in a similar situation with your mother and you sorted it out so he has to step up and sort this out.

If it's not attractive and good quality just throw it away. What happened to "Reduce, re-use, re-cycle"?

What happened to "Reduce, re-use, re-cycle"?

This is one of the hoarders mantras. The old unusable deckchair with the ripped fabric is kept in the shed for ten years because one day you are going to get round to replacing the fabric. But that day never comes. The suitcases with the broken zips: they might come in for storing winter clothes, but they won't come in if they have just been dumped somewhere in the garage. And so the excuses go on.

My mum used to do this all the time when faced with downsizing. Insisting on the usefulness/value/sentimentality of every single bloody thing and "passing it on" to me. I'd just say 'thanks mum' then take it all to the charity shop or tip.

I didn't mind because I understood that she couldn't handle throwing things away (old people are like that - went through the war and no waste and all that). Whereas I have no problem chucking stuff out and my favourite thing in the whole world is hiring a skip.

old people are like that - went through the war and no waste and all that

This was my mother's excuse, but my Dad lived through the same war and he wasn't a hoarder. He was the one who had known poverty as a boy. He ended up being quite ruthless about not keeping old stuff - he could afford better now, and he was jolly well going to have better things and not 'make do and tell yourself you are going to mend it.'

My DM used to do this. Until I decided to bag up all my useless stuff and give them to her. She didn't like it at all!

Until I decided to bag up all my useless stuff and give them to her. She didn't like it at all!

That would not have worked for me. It would have been found a home. As it was, clearing out her house I found old things of mine squirrelled away, which I had long, long ceased to have any use for. If my father had found them, he would say either take them or they go in the bin.

I have parents who hoard and struggle to let go of stuff. I do regularly try and clear out stuff myself but wouldn't give anything away that wasnt in good condition. I would rather recycle or pass on as it makes me feel better, so I'm worried I may be as bad as some people here. This thread has made me worry about whether even that's ok to people. I do always ask my sisters in law about the toys before bringing them and they're usually quality things that are expensive new. I guess different people have different ideas about what is clutter or crap. I can't imagine why anyone would think dirty or broken things are useful...

*What happened to "Reduce, re-use, re-cycle"?

This is one of the hoarders mantras. The old unusable deckchair with the ripped fabric is kept in the shed for ten years because one day you are going to get round to replacing the fabric.*

Exactly. My MIL's logic was I like sewing therefore could fix it. Technically this is true but why would I go to the effort for something that I didn't buy, like or will ever use as it's uncomfortable to sit in. Don't get me wrong I still wear clothing I've owned for 20 years as it's perfectly fine for casual wear. I'm not someone who buys a lot of stuff, but when I do I'd quite like to choose my own things.

Don't let it further in than the garage. The tips are reopening

My aunt does this.
She also gives me rotting veg and tins etc. The recent tins had a sell by date of 2016.

My husband is a bit of a hoarder and doesn't like getting rid of much. I'm the opposite so have to sneak bits out and make sure his inability to detatch doesn't rub off on me.
I need to be ruthless again.

Our tip's not too bad. It wont accept soil, rubble, old tiles etc at the moment but last week we took lots there after persuading DH if he cleared the garage he could store his hundreds of magazines there instead of the loft

Don't drop hints, just say its very kind if you to think of us but we have no space or use for this stuff, would you like it back or should i donate it/ bin it for you?

My mother in law does this. She does try and is usually generous at Christmas,but every time she comes to visit, she brings stuff like bracelets of elastic, my father in laws ( deceased, sadly) broken name badge from work, a plastic Santa for the front door that ho ho ho in a manner resembling Pennywise the clown while his eyes glow red etc.

Accept it, smile and then throw it away or give it away!!

You said she struggles with throwing things away so you'd be helping her

Pop in the bin

If she ever asks

No idea about that object? No can’t remember it

Put it on the pavement, stuff I put out goes in under an hour usually. Anything that's still there at the end of the day gets binned. Stuff I've decluttered recently that got taken :rug, over door hooks, cushion covers, throws, clothes.

ExMil used to do this and ExH just shoved all the bags in the loft, week after week.

ExH then decided a super great life choice was to have an affair, get caught, run off and never return/discuss leaving me with a toddler and a loft full of crap.

I had to move house within a year and found some local EBay sellers to make me an offer for the loft crap and take the lot. After I’d moved and he was looking to buy a house for some reason he needed his birth certificate. Cue frantic phone calls as it had apparently been in one of the bags in the loft 🙄

I was still the baddie for getting rid of the stuff even under those circumstances!! ExMil was as upset as she was when the marriage fell apart because apparently there were a lot of Top Trumps trading cards that she was convinced would be worth millions...

Buy her a copy of Marie Kondo’s first book and highlight the fuck out of the chapter dealing with not passing the shit you don’t want on to relatives. Hand it over with a ‘you really need to read this’ and a fixed smile.

We've had this. We're downsizing and I've had to bring about 8 boxes out of the loft, nearly all are from dead relatives, old clippings, memorabilia and photos mainly, all in albums so not easy to scan but I don't want to just blindly throw out.
I tried to scan everything in one box last week and it took me 4 days. Time I should have spent packing.
I know we're going to have to take it all to the new place and we don't even have a loft there. We've already got excess furniture as it is.
I feel really down with it.

Just give it to charity, problem sorted! Thats what I do! If you get asked about it you make up an excuse later on! "The kids broke it/ i cant find it/ in the attic"

You do need to be clear with her, she obviously has an emotional problem about it. Like "you were so kind to think of us but we do not need things and all our storage is full". They need to feel they helped someone.

Often people with this issue are very kind and concerned about waste and can't objectively sort things. I have a friend with really significant health problems who had things like piles of carefully washed cat food sachets waiting to go to some special recycling place but she couldnt even leave the house. I had to say, the planet doesnt need you that much, you need space to manage your life and get well.

Straight to the dump. They are open for black bin bags round here.
Giving it to someone else just means it hangs about on earth for a few more months or years before going to the dump. Ditto gifting to Oxfam or whoever, but at least the charity makes some money.

But in the end it is all, all trash in landfill and will lie there for hundreds of years slooowly disintegrating do not let people dump stuff on you................unless you have a bonfire - then it's in the atmosphere instead!