Mother in law dumping her off stuff on us.

[A82971151]

Above says it all ^^

She’s obviously having a sort out whilst she’s off work furloughed. She doesn’t like to get rid of anything but happy to dump it on us.

She’s collecting things she thinks we might like. I won’t go into great detail. But old clothes, old toys that were here kids that too long ago but my two aren’t interested just things we don’t really need it have the space for in our tiny house.

I sound ungrateful but I’d be so embarrassed to give it away. I only give away things that people would appreciate if ever.

Oh has been popping over there for socially distancing chats and every time he comes back with a bag of crap. It’s often been stored away for ages and is grubby, smelly and ready for the bin.

Aibu to tell my partner to refuse to bring anything else home?

I’ve just been out to oh’s work vehicle to get something and there bags of junk that he’s obviously not brought in yet for me to see 🤣

She’s not elderly btw. She’s furloughed off work and doesn’t like to get rid of anything. If she finds out we are getting rid of something she hates it. She likes to re home things etc.

Thanks all. I don’t think he wants to upset his mum. We also used to have this issue with my own mother but I had words with her and she doesn’t do it anymore 🤣

I tried to drop the hint last night. Dd was on FaceTime to her and she asked what we’d been up to. So I told her we had been spring cleaning and got a few bags of stuff for a charity shop and some things for the tip as we need the space! But she told us she had a few things for us!! Sigh..

My mil does this, but with a story of why said item/s is so special

Find a local hard-up family who want to start an ebay business... explain they'll need to clean things up but there might be the odd 'goodie' in there worth their trouble. When we were doing it, we accepted loads of unwanted 'crap' from friends/family, some of which turned out to be quite old and valuable.

I know this story very well. My mother is one of these people. You need to flatly refuse to take the bag. No matter what, you do not walk out of her property with anything that you didn't walk in there with.

She will be offended. Tough shit. Don't just accept things for "an easy life" and then take them to the charity shop, unless you are happy to do this every time you visit her and get lumbered with another bin bag full of useless shit.

Of course he doesn't want to upset his mum but that doesn't mean he gets to make it your problem by ending up with piles of shit in your home. I would just veto the stuff coming over your threshold, make it his problem to deal with, either by getting rid himself or finding a way to say no to his mum.

Dump it right back. Say thanks, but we can't use this filthy stinking pile of old tut I'm sure you will be able to find someone who can.

@A82971151

Above says it all ^^

She’s obviously having a sort out whilst she’s off work furloughed. She doesn’t like to get rid of anything but happy to dump it on us.

She’s collecting things she thinks we might like. I won’t go into great detail. But old clothes, old toys that were here kids that too long ago but my two aren’t interested just things we don’t really need it have the space for in our tiny house.

I sound ungrateful but I’d be so embarrassed to give it away. I only give away things that people would appreciate if ever.

Oh has been popping over there for socially distancing chats and every time he comes back with a bag of crap. It’s often been stored away for ages and is grubby, smelly and ready for the bin.

Aibu to tell my partner to refuse to bring anything else home?

I’ve just been out to oh’s work vehicle to get something and there bags of junk that he’s obviously not brought in yet for me to see 🤣

She’s not elderly btw. She’s furloughed off work and doesn’t like to get rid of anything. If she finds out we are getting rid of something she hates it. She likes to re home things etc.

tell her to fuck off

If she won't find out, I'd just get rid of it all (though I appreciate this creates more headache for you if there's a lot of it). If she will ask persistently (and you're not a confident "white-liar") or expect to see it when she's over, I'd have your husband toughen up and tell her (kindly) that there's simply no room or use for it, so she can either take it back to find new "homes" for it or leave it up to him (you, probably) to do with as you will, but you can't keep it.

Sometimes gentle hints don't get through. You can say you don't need something without it being rude.

We recently inherited a fully furnished house. In fact it's over-furnished and we'll need to thin that out.
Immediately, before even ever setting foot in the house upon hearing about the inheritance DM insisted she had two sofas for 'our' house that she wants rid of.
She was told that for the first time in our lives we have the chance to choose our own bloody house furniture and decor and to not get us so much as a clock for the wall. And certainly don't try to offload shite onto us. We've enough of our own.
That's after years of getting random bits, weird ornaments and utter crap, and trying to drop hints didn't work.
So just tell her straight. Feeling guilty at being blunt will only be temporary. You'll feel relived and kicking yourself you didn't do it sooner.

Agree with all others, REFUSE, REFUSE. Tell her if she gives it to H it will just be going in the bin. You have no room and like her no use for it.

I often think it's a kind of powerplay, she gives it to you and feels virtuous and can tell all the rest of the family and friends how generous she has been to "poor" you, she will also feel you are "beholden" to her due to her "gifts" and may find yourself having to answer questions and lie about how usef ul the stuff was and/or ask permission to get rid.

OP, everything from MIL put in your DPs van - including the stuff that's already crossed the threshold.
He can do a tip run when it's rammed solid

My FIL does this!

He's a hoarder and wants to get rid of things but can't bear to throw/ donate them and so gives them to other family members.

Things like broken strimmers, manky old cushions, electrical appliances from the 60s, and lots of books that are falling apart.

I made DH tell him to check with us before and we'd say if it was useful to us.

So he started hiding it! He used to get DD from school and so would be here on his own. I've found

Crockery I've never seen before at the top of the cupboard where I'm a bit short to see

Bag of daily mail free CDs and DVDs stuffed down the side of the sofa

Really old weird books hidden on top of the girls bookcase

Bread maker the size of a tank at the back of the cupboard under the stairs.

It's kind of funny but not at all. I see cutlery that I don't recognise and I think I've never seen that before. Is it mine? Has DH put it there? Am I getting forgetful etc. Have felt like I'm going bonkers sometimes puzzling over stuff.

Does my FIL win this thread?

From another point of view, I have a friend who has two daughters, both married, and after they had left the family home she cleared their bedrooms bagged up the stuff and asked them to collect it.
When neither of them was forthcoming the bags went up into the loft.
Since then one of the girls has moved to a five bedroomed house (so has plenty of room) both girls reminded about all their "stuff and Mum said it was going to the tip as they needed to re-insulate the loft both girls went apeshit, and loads of upset all round.
The "stuff" is now in the garden shed 6 months after it came down from the loft, my friend she no longer cares if it gets damp or is eaten by mice!

My DM used to do this. It was anything from free gifts from the catalogue to old unwanted kitchen utensils, old bedding (handy for spares!!) and even her clothes. I was a size 14....she was 22/24! She doesn't like being told no so I took it all initially then started saying no. She just couldn't be arsed to go to the charity shop herself.

Oh God! I had this - clocks in the shape of kangaroos from Australia, bells with Lady Di on them, bakelite telephones. Basically my ex was a soft touch who just accepted any old rubbish his mum/grandma wanted rid of - your husband sounds the same.

Is the fact that most dumps and charity shops are closed atm relevant? Because it sounds as if she is just using your bin frankly. Don't accept it, just say very firmly that you have no room, or that your cupboards have moths.

My MIL is the same, I just say 'sorry, we have too much stuff already but thanks for the offer'. She once brought back an old drum set from her sister and told us about it when we visited her, I just pretended I misunderstood and said 'oh great, the kids will love it when they visit, glad the noise is at your house and not min cos I would hate to listen to that all the time' and laughed it off.

We do accept very special items and clean them up though like my husbands first baby blanket.

This takes me back. When I had my dd1, MIL used to send me stuff or rather have them delivered. They were absolutely, truly awful and I actually felt offended for my dd. It was stuff that you would see at the tip, ancient broken doll's prams with filthy muck encrusted wheels or held together with sellotape/masking tape. Grubby, filthy old dolls. Everything would need power washing and it would still be unusable.

She became really angry when I mentioned the state of the stuff, in fact furious with me.

She actually once asked me for dd1's shoes when they were worn out. I asked why and she said a fellow midwife was asking if she could have some of my dd's stuff (free of course). I didn't want to give someone battered, worn out shoes. Strangely my MIL and the person concerned were both very comfortably off.

One of her other colleagues, after my dd2 had been really poorly and had left brownies, asked if she had left. I thought she was enquiring about her health, but no, she wanted her brownie uniform.

Put your foot down op. No more crap. My dh used to hide stuff in the garage as well.

DH needs to tell her no more thanks.

It takes seconds :)

I have the buffer of distance, so It only happens rarely. When it does, I generally just relent and head straight to a donation place. If I lived closer, I would probably just have to say no.

Does she ever ask you, OP, what you thought of x, y, z from the last bag of crap stuff she handed over?

If so take a deep breath and say ''Oh, to be honest MIL we just binned it. I'm fed up with out own clutter and don't want any more stuff''

@ShinyFootball

My FIL does this!

He's a hoarder and wants to get rid of things but can't bear to throw/ donate them and so gives them to other family members.

Things like broken strimmers, manky old cushions, electrical appliances from the 60s, and lots of books that are falling apart.

I made DH tell him to check with us before and we'd say if it was useful to us.

So he started hiding it! He used to get DD from school and so would be here on his own. I've found

Crockery I've never seen before at the top of the cupboard where I'm a bit short to see

Bag of daily mail free CDs and DVDs stuffed down the side of the sofa

Really old weird books hidden on top of the girls bookcase

Bread maker the size of a tank at the back of the cupboard under the stairs.

It's kind of funny but not at all. I see cutlery that I don't recognise and I think I've never seen that before. Is it mine? Has DH put it there? Am I getting forgetful etc. Have felt like I'm going bonkers sometimes puzzling over stuff.

Does my FIL win this thread?

That’s made me laugh. It’s reverse burglary. 😂

Reverse burglary

It's indoor fly tipping. You must be crazy if you let someone just bring junk to your house.

If she finds out we are getting rid of something she hates it

Tough shit. Just tell DH that since he can't say 'no' he can take the crap to the dump. They are opening up again.

Just tell her you are putting it straight into the bin and do it.