Mother in law dumping her off stuff on us.

[A82971151]

Above says it all ^^

She’s obviously having a sort out whilst she’s off work furloughed. She doesn’t like to get rid of anything but happy to dump it on us.

She’s collecting things she thinks we might like. I won’t go into great detail. But old clothes, old toys that were here kids that too long ago but my two aren’t interested just things we don’t really need it have the space for in our tiny house.

I sound ungrateful but I’d be so embarrassed to give it away. I only give away things that people would appreciate if ever.

Oh has been popping over there for socially distancing chats and every time he comes back with a bag of crap. It’s often been stored away for ages and is grubby, smelly and ready for the bin.

Aibu to tell my partner to refuse to bring anything else home?

I’ve just been out to oh’s work vehicle to get something and there bags of junk that he’s obviously not brought in yet for me to see 🤣

She’s not elderly btw. She’s furloughed off work and doesn’t like to get rid of anything. If she finds out we are getting rid of something she hates it. She likes to re home things etc.

I tried to drop the hint last night. Dd was on FaceTime to her and she asked what we’d been up to. So I told her we had been spring cleaning and got a few bags of stuff for a charity shop and some things for the tip as we need the space! But she told us she had a few things for us!! Sigh..

That was your cue to say (very firmly) that you have deliberately cleared stuff out and you absolutely don't want anything else. So please take stuff to charity/the tip yourself. If you feel really guilty get her son to offer to do the tip run.

My DH is a bit of a hoarder. It comes from being one of 6 kids, having a widowed mother, not much money growing up and valuing possessions as there weren’t many. I have to chuck stuff out without him noticing or he’d be trying to give it to our adult kids who neither need or want it.
I wouldn’t tell mil to fuck off as she might have issues with throwing stuff away.

My Nan does this. She can’t get to a charity shop easily so I take it and then just get rid. I’ll keep the odd thing - I’d never throw photos for example - but it makes her happy to think she’s done us a favour and I haven’t got the heart to tell her, at 84, that I don’t want it.

My mum is the same. Every time she has a clear out she offers stuff to me or gives me a bag of ' a few things I might like' ice lolly moulds from the 1970's, a 50year old broken doll of mine I can't even remember having, ancient knitting patterns ( I can't knit). She thinks she is doing me a huge favour. If tell her if I don't want it she acts all offended/sad/dissapointed and says ' I will have to take it to the charity shop ' but she just puts it back in her cupboard. Sometimes I take it and drop it in the dustbin when I get home.
Oh, and everytime she buys something new she tries to give me the old one. Manky shower mat, faded curtains, worn out sofa etc.

All this reminds me of my MIL.
She just didnt like spending money and didnt think her kids should either.
Not long moved into our new house.
I told MIL I had been shopping looking for a table to put in the hallway.
Straight away she says dont buy one you can have the one from my hallway as I dont use it.
I said no its not really what I was looking for.

She then starts with you had a table at your other house,I said yes but I got rid because it was old and shabby.
Well its ok you can have my table so dont buy one....and she just wouldnt give in so I ended up saying...no sorry but I got rid of our old stuff so I am not replacing with other peoples old stuff.

Just say "It's really kind of you to think of us but we don't need it and haven't anywhere to store it, so I'd much prefer that it went to someone who really needed it". And firmly refuse to take it/ask you DH to return.

She's not deliberately using you as a waste disposal service, she's giving you things that still have some use in them (even if they need some cleaning up), so there's no need to be unkind.

I'm willing to bet that there are MNetters with a slowly accumulating stash of "memories (first birthday dress, first wellies etc) that in 25 years time they will be trying to pass on for a cherished grandchild to use.

Love the FIL reverse burglar

@EmeliaLily

best thing to do is to accept it and then charity shop it, as not to cause offence!

No. Because every time you accept it, it just encourages more crap coming your way.

Oh boy. I have this too.
My mil is a lovely person who thinks she is doing right, so I just sort it out for her.
Anything that is total junk gets recycled or thrown, anything I dont want and is usable is given to the charity shop.
She will have dd for an overnight every few weeks, so I figure I owe her

It's unlikely to be malicious.
Just bin the lot and forget it.

they were being polite and saying of course they wanted 50 copies of the Sunday Times magazine from 1983

Oooooh! Can I have them? I'd love those. Also, someone mentioned electrical items from the 1960s ... I'd probably love those, too.

My mum used to do this too

If all our mums/MIL/FIL do this, does that mean that one it will be us doing it and driving our kids and their families up the walk

.... this thread is making me really envious. I wish someone would keep giving me bizarre old random crap.

Oh God! I had this - clocks in the shape of kangaroos from Australia, bells with Lady Di on them, bakelite telephones

These all sound amazing and I want them :)

This is a DH problem. He's the enabler here, who can't say no to his mother. Why don't you get angry with him instead as he is the real cause of the problem.

@MereDintofPandiculation

Just say "It's really kind of you to think of us but we don't need it and haven't anywhere to store it, so I'd much prefer that it went to someone who really needed it". And firmly refuse to take it/ask you DH to return.

She's not deliberately using you as a waste disposal service, she's giving you things that still have some use in them (even if they need some cleaning up), so there's no need to be unkind.

I'm willing to bet that there are MNetters with a slowly accumulating stash of "memories (first birthday dress, first wellies etc) that in 25 years time they will be trying to pass on for a cherished grandchild to use.

I've seen more than one MNer, on more than one thread on this subject, post that they do receive crap that is fit only for the bin. So yes, there are some people passing crap on to others as they can't bring themselves to chuck stuff away, even though deep down they know the stuff isn't fit for anything.

Meanwhile, I have one box, just one, of memory stuff of the type you mention. I'll be sorting through that in a few years with my DC, to see if they want any of it. I can be ruthless, so if they don't want it, it's gonig to be charity shopped or binned by me. In fact, I can think already that there's a couple of items in the box that could probably go....

Rule with fear. It's the only way to be left to your own devices. I freely emphasise to people that I am blunt, a tidiness fiend who culls mercilessly and exceptionally fussy and exacting re taste. I get few attempts to palm such crap off on me.

My DM also give me back presents I have bought for her, she keeps them for months or sometimes years and then gives them back with stupid excuses. Like a cream cardigan - that doesn't match with anything she wears? a silver picture frame - she hasn't got a photo to put in it?, unscented shower gel - she doesn't like the smell?

Just put it in the bin. It’s not nearly as hard as you’re all making it.

My MIL does this - she has bags sitting in the hallway by the door and when we walk in her house we give each other a knowing look and see how long it takes her to say there are a couple of bags of stuff for you to take, it has got less it used to fill our car.

But if I attempt to go through them there, she says you can take them home with you and anything you don't want, you can drop into the charity shop for me as you know I can't carry much !

So we have taken to leaving them in DH's car boot and when we get a chance over the next couple of days we give them a quick look and drop the stuff at the charity shop or in the bin.

My DH played a trick by taking a couple of things back to her house and hid them to see if we would get them back or if she noticed - we got the things back, one item three times, it was a toy she bought in a charity shop for our DD, she didn't realise it was a dog toy !

Can't wait for next time we go there after not being there since February as she has been self isolating, I bet there will be loads!

Ask your oh to go through it. Tell him that on x day you're taking it to the dump so if there's anything he wants he'll have to have removed it by then.

I'd not be happy if dh were going through my family's/childhood's things and dumping them. In fact, my dh has done that (years ago) and frankly I'm still boggled at his effrontery! How fucking dare he?!

Mil used to do this. I just binned everything and when she asked if I’d got the stuff she sent I’d tell her it was broken so I binned it. She was an actual hoarder. When she died it cost us 10k to clear her house but she thought she’d left us 100k of valuable heirlooms. We still have a garage and cellar full of stuff we can’t give away that H won’t let go of. 5 years after she died!

@UncleShady I love this!!!
I've taken to just putting it in the bin in front of him and saying at least it had a nice day out before it went in the bin.

5 years! This is nothing. When clearing out DMs house we found stuff which was 80 years old, moth and mice eaten, so no use to anyone. This must have survived at least 4 house moves!

I am Not a hoarder. In fact, this thread has prompted me to quietly shift a pile of DH's crap, for the bin.

Oh has been popping over there for socially distancing chats and every time he comes back with a bag of crap.

How will your MIL know she's doing anything 'wrong' if your OH is accepting the bag of stuff every time? For all she knows you are delighted about it, he clearly isn't telling her otherwise.