Mother in law dumping her off stuff on us.

[A82971151]

Above says it all ^^

She’s obviously having a sort out whilst she’s off work furloughed. She doesn’t like to get rid of anything but happy to dump it on us.

She’s collecting things she thinks we might like. I won’t go into great detail. But old clothes, old toys that were here kids that too long ago but my two aren’t interested just things we don’t really need it have the space for in our tiny house.

I sound ungrateful but I’d be so embarrassed to give it away. I only give away things that people would appreciate if ever.

Oh has been popping over there for socially distancing chats and every time he comes back with a bag of crap. It’s often been stored away for ages and is grubby, smelly and ready for the bin.

Aibu to tell my partner to refuse to bring anything else home?

I’ve just been out to oh’s work vehicle to get something and there bags of junk that he’s obviously not brought in yet for me to see 🤣

She’s not elderly btw. She’s furloughed off work and doesn’t like to get rid of anything. If she finds out we are getting rid of something she hates it. She likes to re home things etc.

My sister in law used to do this a lot and on one occasion turned up with a (half size) snooker table. She used to say, 'If you don't want it, just take it to a charity shop.' Thanks!! It was really difficult as my husband and I had combined families and households and had both had to get rid of quite a bit of stuff to fit everything in. In the end I had to be very clear with her - and I used to amuse myself by seeing if I could get her to take any of our unwanted stuff home with her 😂

Good grief that sounds like a nightmare. My Dh brought home a roomful of old furniture from His dad when we got our new house ( 2 sofas, 3 dining tables.. 16 chairs etf)
Tell your Oh to deliver the message himself that you guys don’t have any space.. you shouldn’t be the one to have to say it.. it’s his mum after all!

Just tell her. My mil kept giving me.baling sets buns biccys etc until I said she was making me fat as I ate it and kids werent bothered. Soon stopped

My MIL turned up for a visit many years ago with a dining table and four chairs she thought me may like. She has a 200 mile drive from London to our home. I refused them. She had not asked in advance so off they went back to London. This was years ago, I know I’m deemed a bit awkward by DH family, I’m fine with that.

Well, re-home it.

In the bin, in the recycling, or, if it's salvageable, in the charity shop.

Peregrina - was your post in response to mine? If so Mil had food in her larder from the 70s which had moved 4 houses, covered in droppings etc. She used to buy a catering tub of mayonnaise and leave it in the cupboard and scrape the mould off to make us sandwiches. Boxes and boxes of tangled plastic jewellery from car boot sales collected over 40 years are now in our cellar because h wants to keep her ‘collection together’ and get it valued. Not that he will. He’ll keep it till he dies and then leave it to our dd as some kind of gift.

"If she finds out we are getting rid of something she hates it."
Phone her. Tell her bluntly you don't want any of the stuff she's handing to your DH and kindly not to do it again. If she hates that, tough. You are not her Household Waste Recycling Centre (what my local tip calls itself). She is creating unnecessary work for you, and so is your DH.

Actually, just had the thought - is she using you as the local tip? Given that they are closed at the moment?

I hate this. Sometimes I think it's because they can't be arsed to go to the charity shop or tip themselves. Even worse doing it when those places aren't open.

Tips here have been open for a fortnight.

Tell DH not to accept anything
If he comes back with anything make him out it back in his car and take it to the tip
Every single Zoom call announce loudly that you getting rid of stuff/decluttering as you do not have room and have thrown loads of stuff away. Repeat x 100.
Do not accept anything as thus will just encourage her

Really old weird books hidden on top of the girls bookcase Tell me more about these @ShinyFootball. Assuming they're not porn type things..?

Big no from me here too. 'We're decluttering too, satisfying isn't it' generally works. BTW: charity shops struggle with donations that can't be used - too old, too tatty, too unloveable - and have to be recycled. Oxfam suggest donors ask themselves, 'Would my best friend buy this?' If the answer is no, there's a good chance it's not a good donation. Do your own recycling.

Lol noodles thankfully not

There's an interesting bit in the Marie Kondo book about this behaviour (my mother does it). She explained the psychology behind it and said you mustn't pass the guilt of having spent money on something you no longer want onto other people by dumping your stuff on them.

I bought my mum the book when I realised how bad things were. My sister found it unread on the charity shop pile ☹️

More like 'Biffy and bozo have a fun mildly sexist racist adventure in 1932' in a book with mildew all over it

My MIL (otherwise lovely) does this. Our house is tiny. I try, but DH cannot say no to her. It's mostly his old stuff (useless, like old textbooks and cassette tapes) but plenty of random crap as well. She fucking posts us stuff. It must cost her a fortune!

Yep - we have this as well! Drives me mad

I tried to drop the hint last night. Dd was on FaceTime to her and she asked what we’d been up to. So I told her we had been spring cleaning and got a few bags of stuff for a charity shop and some things for the tip as we need the space! But she told us she had a few things for us!! Sigh..

Oh OP this was the golden opportunity to be more direct! ‘Oh that’s so kind of you MIL! But honestly having just had a clear out we have everything we need and really don’t have space for anything more. Can you think of someone else to give it to?’

Please just a plea for the charity shop sorters. If its no good it won't sell. We spend ages sorting a load of rubbish which we then have to get rid of. If its not attractive and good quality just throw it away.

My FiL does this - the last lot just went straight in the black bin. I didn't even check through it to separate it into recyclable and non-recyclable. He's retired, so has all the time in the world, whereas I am permanently mega-busy holding down a full-time job + ferrying 2 kids around everywhere (pre-lockdown). Why should I waste my fucking precious time on HIS waste!

It's a form of hoarding (an unhealthy relationship with stuff). The fact that she has all this useless junk to unload in the first place should tell you that too.

Get rid of it all, if you can. Don't talk to her about throwing it out.

If she mentions it, ask her, in all seriousness, where did she think you were going to put it all..

Your DH needs to be firm with her though.

As a charity shop manager I agree with sally, please be thoughtful about what you pass on to a charity shop, at least 50% of what we receive is unsaleable and not everything can be recycled responsibly, although we do try. This is going to be a real problem when the charity shops reopen. People always expect us to be so grateful to receive their out of date textbooks and broken items 'it just needs a small repair' .

My MIL used to be really bad for this. The last straw for me was several years ago when we were moving house a couple of weeks before her. DP and I went over a few times to help her clear out the loft etc and take stuff to the tip. He'd planned to go through with a hire van to pick up a desk he wanted for his office. Only at the last minute, MIL proceeded to offload loads of furniture we didn't want or have the space for and other random useless items like a deck chair with a massive rip in it! I bit my tongue and thanked her, but once we left her house I pointed out the insanity of it to my partner...what possible use could we have for a ripped deck chair?!

We then discovered the previous owner had left a shit ton of 'we thought you might find this useful' crap in all the outbuildings which we're only just finishing getting rid of now. My partner is now quite blunt with his mum when she tries to give us stuff that's only fit for the bin. They have that type of relationship anyway and of course we'd help with anything she can't manage to drive to the tip by herself.

Maybe your DH can offer to just go round and help her have a clearout one day. I would politely say it's kind of her to think of you but really you have no space for anything else, so it will have to go to charity. Otherwise if she thinks you're using the stuff she'll keep doing it.

I feel sorry for charity shops when they can reopen. They are going to have an avalanche of stuff from Lockdown Declutters... Us just the normal level of donations.

YYY to that, @Aroundtheworldin80moves.