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MNHQ here - should we support the campaign to end ‘rough sex’ defences?

535 replies

JustineMumsnet · 04/06/2020 12:21

Hello

As lots of you will already know because their campaign originated on Mumsnet, the group We Can’t Consent To This has been running a campaign to end ‘rough sex’ defences - and we’d like to know what you think about MNHQ signing up as a supporter of their
campaign.

Their aim is to end a situation in which defendants can claim that the death of or injury to a woman was caused by ‘consensual sex games gone wrong’.

They say:

‘We’ve now found 60 UK women who’ve been killed by men who claim a sex game gone wrong - and in the last 5 years the defence was successful in 7 of the 17 killings of a woman which reached trial, with the man being found not guilty or receiving a manslaughter conviction. We've found many more women injured in what the accused men claim was consensual sexual violence.
Yet more women tell us it’s now commonplace to be assaulted and abused by men they’re dating, with 38% of UK women under 40 reporting being assaulted - choked, slapped, gagged or spat on - in otherwise consensual sex. That equates to 3.6 million women under 40 in the UK who have experienced unbidden violence in sex - and we know that women over 40 experience this too.
We do not believe that women can consent to their grievous injury or death, and will campaign until claiming this is no longer a useful defence.’
We Can’t Consent To This is currently lobbying to tackle these ‘rough sex defences’ by adding amendements to the Domestic Abuse Bill that is going through Parliament, meaning that now is the time to get writing to MPs to encourage them to support the changes.

We'd love to get behind this campaign but as ever we said we’d ask you what you thought - so please let us know by adding your thoughts here or voting YANBU for ‘Yes please I’d like Mumsnet to support this campaign’ and YABU for ‘No, I don’t think Mumsnet should support this campaign’. (Apologies for using the AIBU metric for this but it’s the best way we have at the moment to get a snapshot survey of people who’ve read the OP.)

Big thanks

OP posts:
JonnyPocketRocket · 05/06/2020 10:41

1000% yes. I worked as a sexual health advisor for a short while and the number of young teenage girls coming in and saying things like "my boyfriend likes to spank me / put his hands round my neck / pull my hair / and I don't like it but I'm afraid he'll leave me / send my nudes around the school if I don't let him " was terrifying. Our daughters are growing up in a world where they have no voice when it comes to their own bodies.

CJSmith2019 · 05/06/2020 10:44

Yes.

WorkHardPlayHard1 · 05/06/2020 10:44

@tappering what an eloquent response. What a truly wicked man who should be kept away from women and men. What a message to send out to the legal teams to, it's like they're fighting a legal battle with no hope of justice. Never heard of this defence but am thoroughly sickened to the core. Can someone in their right mind stop this defence right now. Please. 👩🏻🙏

Hauskat · 05/06/2020 10:45

Please please do

tellmewhentheLangshiplandscoz · 05/06/2020 11:02

Yes. Yes and yes.

For posters who are concerned the state is going to make their adventurous sex life boring and vanilla ... of course you can do what the heck you like in your own home but in the cases where your partner murders you gets carried away and you die, it's proposed this will not be an acceptable defence.

How hard is this to understand?

And as for violent sex being a "sexual preference" and compared to homosexuality? WTF? Confused

madcatladyforever · 05/06/2020 11:11

It's actually very difficult to kill somebody, it's not easy. I've worked in A&E as a nurse in the past and it involves severe trauma, stabbing, hanging, drowning, banging a head against a brick wall repeatedly for some time, sufficating with a bag over the head which would involve panic and fighting back so lots of bruising and probably scratch marks on the perpetrator.
Rough sex alone is not going to kill somebody - it would take concerted effort of beating, strangling, holding underwater etc.
I just cannot see how anybody gets off with this as an excuse.

MrsWooster · 05/06/2020 11:13

Please do. MN is a formidable force (despite the best efforts of some... Halo) and this can and should be used for good.

thisenglishlife · 05/06/2020 11:16

Yes please, I’d like Mumsnet to support this campaign.

SunshineCake · 05/06/2020 11:23

Thanks *@MRex.

GoddamnGodBless · 05/06/2020 11:27

Those who oppose this on this thread are really tiring.

Yes, of course you'll still be able to be throttled, however if your abuser kills you in the process, the 'she wanted it' argument won't be considered a reasonable defence. Don't worry, there won't be a new sex police division banging on your door demanding to know the gory details of your sex life. Unless it goes wrong one day, that is.

Bowednotbroken · 05/06/2020 11:30

Yes please do support it. Can't see a vote button though unfortunately.

GenuineKlatchianPottery · 05/06/2020 11:33

Absolutely yes.

JammieDodgepot · 05/06/2020 11:50

Yes.

TabbyTurmoil · 05/06/2020 12:06

Yes.

Thinkingabout1t · 05/06/2020 12:07

That misogynist defence doesn’t only protect killers. The effects seep into normal people’s everyday sex lives. Borderline violence becomes normalised, until it isn’t borderline any more.

I strongly agree, YANBU.

TidyupNowplease · 05/06/2020 12:46

Yes.

amillionwishes · 05/06/2020 12:52

Yes, 100%

ishouldtryabiteachdayy · 05/06/2020 12:56

Yep

neomneomneom · 05/06/2020 12:56

Yes. Absolutely.

Poofurburrball · 05/06/2020 13:05

Yes.

Hidingtonothing · 05/06/2020 13:09

I just cannot see how anybody gets off with this as an excuse.

And yet they do. So yes, please do everything you can to campaign for it to stop, we all should.

Sportsnight · 05/06/2020 13:26

Absolutely 100% yes.

Institutkarite · 05/06/2020 13:33

Yes, of course Mumsnet should support this campaign

Allthegoodnamesweretakenalread · 05/06/2020 13:40

100% yes

BillywigSting · 05/06/2020 13:47

Absolutely yes.

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