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MNHQ here - should we support the campaign to end ‘rough sex’ defences?

535 replies

JustineMumsnet · 04/06/2020 12:21

Hello

As lots of you will already know because their campaign originated on Mumsnet, the group We Can’t Consent To This has been running a campaign to end ‘rough sex’ defences - and we’d like to know what you think about MNHQ signing up as a supporter of their
campaign.

Their aim is to end a situation in which defendants can claim that the death of or injury to a woman was caused by ‘consensual sex games gone wrong’.

They say:

‘We’ve now found 60 UK women who’ve been killed by men who claim a sex game gone wrong - and in the last 5 years the defence was successful in 7 of the 17 killings of a woman which reached trial, with the man being found not guilty or receiving a manslaughter conviction. We've found many more women injured in what the accused men claim was consensual sexual violence.
Yet more women tell us it’s now commonplace to be assaulted and abused by men they’re dating, with 38% of UK women under 40 reporting being assaulted - choked, slapped, gagged or spat on - in otherwise consensual sex. That equates to 3.6 million women under 40 in the UK who have experienced unbidden violence in sex - and we know that women over 40 experience this too.
We do not believe that women can consent to their grievous injury or death, and will campaign until claiming this is no longer a useful defence.’
We Can’t Consent To This is currently lobbying to tackle these ‘rough sex defences’ by adding amendements to the Domestic Abuse Bill that is going through Parliament, meaning that now is the time to get writing to MPs to encourage them to support the changes.

We'd love to get behind this campaign but as ever we said we’d ask you what you thought - so please let us know by adding your thoughts here or voting YANBU for ‘Yes please I’d like Mumsnet to support this campaign’ and YABU for ‘No, I don’t think Mumsnet should support this campaign’. (Apologies for using the AIBU metric for this but it’s the best way we have at the moment to get a snapshot survey of people who’ve read the OP.)

Big thanks

OP posts:
BakedCam · 05/06/2020 00:36

Yes please.

bettybeans · 05/06/2020 02:34

YES! A million times yes!

bettybeans · 05/06/2020 02:42

Women cannot consent to being killed. That right doesn't exist in law. Sexual expression is fine but there needs to be culpability attached to that, and duty of care. Recognition that doing something physically harmful to the human body might lead to physical harm, and recognition that potentially fatal actions might lead to death.

The expectations that young (or old) men have about women's bodies are so often influenced by ridiculous and unrealistic porn scenarios. It's not real, and most importantly it's dehumanising.

MollyButton · 05/06/2020 05:17

Yea

BigChocFrenzy · 05/06/2020 05:47

Yes,
100% support this campaign

thesuperfluousone · 05/06/2020 05:56

Is the pope a catholic ?

itswonkylampshade · 05/06/2020 06:17

Yes, absolutely.

allyjay · 05/06/2020 06:43

Totally yes

LateMumma · 05/06/2020 06:46

Emphatically yes

poorbuthappy · 05/06/2020 06:56

Yes.

SunshineCake · 05/06/2020 07:03

I don't have the option to vote on any thread at the moment. Does anyone have any clue why not please?

MRex · 05/06/2020 07:23

@SunshineCake - I can't either, voting disappeared when I unticked the box to stop mumsnet spamming me every time someone voted, apparently it's spam or no voting!

mrsmuddlepies · 05/06/2020 07:42

Absolutely, yes!

PsuedoSatisfactionBaby · 05/06/2020 08:24

Yes please support

coronawoes · 05/06/2020 08:49

Yes, please support this.

Lexilooo · 05/06/2020 08:53

Interestingly the courts have a different attitude when men are the victims of rough sex.

Men injuring other men in consensual sex are much more likely to be convicted than men injuring their wives. Whichever way you look at this it is wrong.

Of course MN should back a campaign to protect women.

Pertella · 05/06/2020 09:02

As we have sadly been made all too aware, choking/asphyxiation to the point of death is not a quick, split second 'accidental' way of killing someone. It's a sustained deliberate act.

men couples can still get their orgasms via choking if they really want, but now you will go to prison if your partner ends up dead.

I really fail to see why that's seen as a problem by some

averylongtimeago · 05/06/2020 09:09

I cannot think of any reason why you shouldn't support this campaign

Alicethroughtheblackmirror · 05/06/2020 09:17

Please support this! Thank you.

hypatiently · 05/06/2020 09:38

Yes, please support this!

Bishybarnybee · 05/06/2020 09:57

Yes, 100% please do support this.

cornflakegirl · 05/06/2020 10:16

Yes

DarklyDreamingDexter · 05/06/2020 10:24

YES!

WorkHardPlayHard1 · 05/06/2020 10:36

Most definitely yes

rednsparkley · 05/06/2020 10:40

Yes 100% yes

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