To ask, where are all the nice MEN?

[DestinedtobeAlone]

Sick of meeting time wasters. 'Men' who lead you on and play with your heart: they don't know what they want, they're only after sex, use you for sex, use you for an ego boost, they're not over their ex, ashamed of their current circumstances, they're not actually interested but don't explicitly state this, are too shy/awkward to properly interact with a love interest...

So, where are they???

Taken.

Yep, when we find a good one, we keep hold of them so they aren't out there.

Married!

Hunt down somebody who’s been divorced....

Took me 2 years of internet dating to meet one.
Be ruthless, line up 2 or 3 dates a week (once covid allows) be willing to end the date after one drink and be clinical!
I was lucky, found a lovely one that's getting divorced (not his choice) but oh my god the pool is shallow once you hit 40.
Any sniff of "Sexy chat" before you've met and become intimate, move on.
Any mention of "Mental ex" move on.
Any kids they don't support move on.
Any criticism of your appearance move on.

By move on, I mean a nice "not for me, sorry" message. Let them respond, then block. You're not going back there so why keep them open?

Be picky, be confident and don't put up with any shit whatsoever.

Oh. And get a pretty young FWB so you don't feel the urge to sleep with anyone that plays you and makes you feel amazing.

Good luck

Thanks all. Thought I'd met a man who fits the 'nice guy' criteria. Turns out that for whatever reason he doesn't have the balls. And maybe that's it, I'm too self-confident and happy in myself that it scares off men. Insecure men.

Next...

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I married everyone else's "just friends" guy the one everyone couldn't fancy but went to for support, because he was sensitive and understanding.
Now they are still moaning that their bad boy has cheated again or is always out with the lads up to no good but I'm glad I chose my good loyal sensitive guy that was just friend material to everyone else because deep down I think he's what everybody was looking for but just didn't see.

Married I think. Sorry! You’ll find someone who loves you for you.

@ChockyBicky Too late for me to dwell on 'should have', 'could have'. Although I fully get where you're coming from.

Looking ahead, it doesn't seem I'll be finding a genuine man any time soon.

@Nevertouchakoala I'm not about to change myself for any man, ever again! Love me for me, or watch me walk away is my motto.

Mars

There are loads of lovely men and they’re definitely all married I’m not single and therefor not looking but I have friends who are and it’s a minefield out there. I think that there’s so much more awareness around abuse, control and gaslighting that we’re able to quickly spot it and move on. It makes the search harder but that’s a good thing in the long run!

No idea OP.

I’m puzzled at the huge number of selfish, lazy, entitled wasters out there. How on earth do they get like that?

It’s sad but being single is far better than being with any of the last three I’ve been on a few dates with. The last one expected me to turn out master chef style food for him after a full day’s work plus school runs and helping with homework, while he just sat there waiting. He used to sneer at anything from the freezer

The two before that were financially motivated to put it mildly.

The Incel movement makes me laugh. A few home truths are definitely needed.

@Mawbags

Married!

Hunt down somebody who’s been divorced....

I've found the divorced ones to be the worst prospects. More baggage than Heathrow (pre Covid of course)!

I've been on here long enough to have realised that sadly they are rare as rockinghorse shit, hence my decision to stay single for the last 6 years.

@Mintjulia Have already had a taste of financially motivated men.

Tell me more about the incel movement.

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I found one quite by accident

Married for sure🤷‍♀️

The market sucks as we get older. Unless we are extremely sociable and go out an awful lot the prospects are v slim indeed. Luckily the longer I have remained single the more comfortable I am with it so it does not phase me in the least if I remain single the rest of my days. Independence rocks. Women get emotionally stronger when single whereas men invariably get more and more unhappy. Just generalizing. I lived with four men over the years before having ds and much prefer the simplicity and peace and quiet. Married women really do not know what they are missing! For casual sex I go online and for gardening and DIY help I get paid help although I have learned to do a fair bit on my own so only need a handyman once a year for a small day.

I've one upstairs, but he can't hold down a job and has absolutely no intention of getting married. He's 30 and as far as I know has never had a relationship.

Where are you looking? I think that makes a difference to the quality of the men you are meeting. I am married but have no doubt that if my husband and I split I would find someone else. I have some lovely male friends and one in particular I would jump on like a shot. These men I have made friends through interests and hobbies. They are lovely, stable, genuine and are fit and attractive. One co-parents his child 50/50 and is a wonderful father with a good relationship with his ex. I can't be bothered with wasters and they seem the same. They are independent men, in their early 40s, happy to wait until the right woman comes along.

My friend, K, on the other hand constantly moans about the lack of good men. She meets men through Tinder for sex and then complains that they didn't want a relationship. I have pointed out our lovely male friends but she says she wants someone exciting and younger (she is early 40s). It is the same on Tinder, she goes for the classically handsome men with their shirts off in their 30s and discounts anyone over 39 that isn't flexing muscles or posing in their profile pic. The last man she actually dated for a few months but it broke down because he refused to cancel his weekend with his children to spend it with her.

If you can't find the nice men then change where you are looking and maybe consider your criteria. I am definitely not saying to lower your standards but perhaps give men a chance that you may not have considered before.

AFAIK the incel movement is for Involuntarily celibates. It seems to be a bunch of people who resent the fact that they can’t find a partner and think it is totally unfair that they have no access to sex, which of course they entitled to.

When surely all they need to do is wash, put some effort into a job or at least an interest, so they have some interesting conversation, be kind to someone and understand that to be in a relationship, both parties need to contribute.

It would be funny if they weren’t so angry.