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Original poster

To ask, where are all the nice MEN?

105 replies

DestinedtobeAlone · 04/06/2020 09:43

Sick of meeting time wasters. 'Men' who lead you on and play with your heart: they don't know what they want, they're only after sex, use you for sex, use you for an ego boost, they're not over their ex, ashamed of their current circumstances, they're not actually interested but don't explicitly state this, are too shy/awkward to properly interact with a love interest...

So, where are they???

OP posts:
Teawiththat · 04/06/2020 16:33

Even a lot of the nice ones turn out to be arseholes eventually.

Original poster
DestinedtobeAlone · 04/06/2020 16:42

@noego Nobody is perfect and I don't expect them to be. What I do expect, however, is bit of common decency. Ghosting and unclear intentions are unacceptable, regardless of baggage.

OP posts:
Ardnassa · 04/06/2020 16:42

I also second going for a divorced man. Mu DH is wonderful. It does mean there is a bit of an age gap (13 years) and 2 grown-up children to contend with but he is the most amazing man I have met. And the kids are fab too.

Nothing wrong with him - just got married very young and they grew apart. Amicable divorce so not much baggage there to deal with.

thepeopleversuswork · 04/06/2020 16:51

ChockyBicky smug, much?

Have you read the other thread about “Martin from accounts”?

Marrying someone who has “sensitive friend” credentials isn’t an insurance policy you know. They don’t come with a guarantee that they will never cheat or be a dick and you don’t get a medal on here for passive aggressively putting down other women who lack your incredible insight.

PotholeParadise · 04/06/2020 16:59

If you're using online dating, the only thing I can suggest is checking your filters. Someone has already mentioned physical geography, and whether any further than your current distance is really non-negotiable, but also his physical height.

For example, if you wouldn't really walk away from an otherwise perfect person for being an inch shorter than the height range you've currently set it on, then adjust it now.

crimsonlake · 04/06/2020 17:05

Someone said they go on 3 dates a week????
I would be lucky to go on 3 dates an year and no I am not minging, just someone hurtling towards 60 years old, but in very good condition.
I have been on old a very long time and it is basically dire...
And no, it is not me being fussy...and men taking bad photos, I simply get messaged by some horrors who claim to be my age but look like my grandfather.
Someone here says they would have no trouble finding someone else??? Good luck with that then as long as you are gorgeous and around the 30 mark.

Original poster
DestinedtobeAlone · 04/06/2020 17:07

@PotholeParadise No, that's not the issue here. It puts me off a profile when they specify physical appearance or flaunt theirs.

I do prefer tall men though, but that's because I'm way above the average height for a woman.

OP posts:
Original poster
DestinedtobeAlone · 04/06/2020 17:10

@crimsonlake Think I'm put off OLD for life.

OP posts:
The80sweregreat · 04/06/2020 17:10

My son is nice , treats his girlfriends well then gets dumped. Happened twice now!

Original poster
DestinedtobeAlone · 04/06/2020 17:17

It would seem all the 'nice' single people are a scarcity and like ships passing by through the night.

OP posts:
fussychica · 04/06/2020 17:21

I found one 40 odd years ago and made sure I hung on to him.
I'm sure you'll find a good one if you keep looking. Definitely don't just settle.

Teawiththat · 04/06/2020 17:22

The thing that put me off of 'nice' men, is that a lot seem to think that because they're nice, you owe them something. I went on a few dates with a guy, and yes, he was very nice, until he couldn't see that just because he wasn't a wanker I didn't want to sleep with him; then it was obviously my fault because he was oh so nice. Happened a few times. In my first job I worked with a 'nice' guy, he was very flirty with everyone and his dates with one of my colleagues weren't a secret. Imagine our surprise when he rocks up to a families day with his wife and children Confused. My colleague did tell his wife, but she didn't believe it because he is soooooo nice. I'm not saying genuinely nice men don't exist, but eurgh.

okiedokieme · 04/06/2020 17:29

I found one Grin. Up until I met him I could have written your post. They are out there

noego · 04/06/2020 20:17

I wouldn't disagree with you OP. Manners and honesty cost nothing.

Ponoka7 · 04/06/2020 23:24

noego, if you aren't a man on the dating scene, looking for a woman, how can you confidently say that men could say the same?

I thought I'd met someone decent but the George Flood incident has shown me his racist side.

Being in my 50's, the choice is even less, unless you want a moaning, grumpy, becoming more and more intolerant, yet thinks he's entitled to a girlfriend in her 30's.

The Incels actively hate women, they'd keep us in cages from pre puberty, if they could.

WitsEnding · 05/06/2020 12:45

@DestinedtobeAlone they are all pretty upfront with it as am I - so not a problem

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 05/06/2020 12:58

They are all married. Because women file for 90% of divorces and no woman would divorce a decent man. That means that 90% of divorced men aren't decent.

Sadly, I think women really only have one chance to get it right - that's the first time.

TheFaerieQueene · 05/06/2020 13:03

I wouldn’t suggest divorced as a good bet. I divorced my ex because he was an abusive arsehole. I pity anyone who gets involved with that creature.
I met my lovely husband at work.

Floatyboat · 05/06/2020 13:05

What about the men on Mumsnet. They always seem nice and in touch with their emotions.

MyDogPatch · 05/06/2020 13:12

My husband is very nice which is why I married him. One of my friends is happily divorced and says the same as PP: the best ones have gone. Apart from my husband I have two male friends who are very nice and kind: but very married.

TheMandalorian · 05/06/2020 13:20

@Teawiththat

The thing that put me off of 'nice' men, is that a lot seem to think that because they're nice, you owe them something. I went on a few dates with a guy, and yes, he was very nice, until he couldn't see that just because he wasn't a wanker I didn't want to sleep with him; then it was obviously my fault because he was oh so nice. Happened a few times. In my first job I worked with a 'nice' guy, he was very flirty with everyone and his dates with one of my colleagues weren't a secret. Imagine our surprise when he rocks up to a families day with his wife and children Confused. My colleague did tell his wife, but she didn't believe it because he is soooooo nice. I'm not saying genuinely nice men don't exist, but eurgh.
But those guys are not nice are they? They are just pretending to be, to get what they want. It's not always immediately obvious that a guy (or indeed anyone) is an arsehole. They wouldn't get what they want if they were horrible to everyone. The charming flirt is probably not going to be a nice guy.
Terralee · 05/06/2020 13:32

The attractive men are taken, gay, or players..

JessicaDay · 05/06/2020 13:58

The older you get, the higher the concentration of emotionally avoidant personality types in the dating pool. Just because the ones who aren’t emotionally avoidant get attached easier.

noego · 05/06/2020 14:08

@Ponoka7

One doesn't have to be on a dating site to know that humans can ghost and gaslight.

PollyPelargonium52 · 06/06/2020 05:42

I can only see many many advantages to remaining single. Although I have read the book and bought the t shirt four times over prior to having ds. I have outgrown all the neediness to wanting a man/relationship. All these years of single parenting I have become much stronger as a person and can rely on my own inner resources to get through any difficult patches.

A lot of the neediness to my mind comes from the age of our children but as they grow up and become more and more independent we find ourselves all over again and life becomes so much easier. We get more me time and can develop our hobbies/friendships.