I am the first to say to anyone to never get involved in someone else's relationship as you end up being the bad guy usually but I feel like I can't just sit by and watch, so I need you guys to help me decide whether I should get involved or not.
Background - Good friend of many years. She is very sensitive and I am quite outspoken - so I am extra careful when giving my opinion. She has been married for 10 years with 3 kids and is early 30s. I don't hate her DH but don't like him much either (never say or show this) as he is grumpy, quite selfish and I believe financially controlling. They don't get on great and basically live separate lives.
She has been having an 'emotional' affair (says they haven't done anything sexual yet but would like to) for about 6 months. I thought it would die down thanks to lockdown but it has become worse and more intense. She sees no-one else nor goes into shops as she is so worried about the virus but happily still meets him. She doesn't have anyone else to talk to so I have to hear about it all the time. I've told her I think it is wrong and she will get caught and she just says she doesn't care. I say the new man is not good enough for her and she will say I don't know him like she does etc - I am sick of hearing about it but I like her telling me things to make sure she is staying safe.
My reasons for wanting to get involved:
- She has a good life - her DH brings in the majority of the money and deals with everything (bills, shopping, childcare, etc) I personally think he is quite controlling as she doesn't get a say in these things but she is also the type to not want any of this responsibility and I would worry how she would cope alone as she has never had to deal with adulthood really. She has no bank account of her own and all the bills, car, rent agreement etc is in her DH's name.
- I do not like/trust the new man she is involved with.
She has told me many examples where he has been plain rude but I just get a strange feeling about him. I have asked what his last name is and she won't give it to me (I'm not sure she knows it). She was upset as he told her which house he lived in and said he lived alone - then she found out he lived in a completely different area with his brother - his excuse was he's had to rent his 4 bedroom home to move in with his brother in a 1 bed flat as the brother has gone through a bad break up. He doesn't work. He is into every conspiracy theory going. This is fine but she believes everything he says - it started out that he would say not to eat certain foods so she stopped, then it started with speaking to anyone on the phone as the government is listening in (she doesn't have his number anyway) and now it is not shaving pubic hair as its part of some ritual or conspiracy. They only meet during the night and usually in a field - I ask her what they do and she said they look for aliens. Something doesn't sit right with me about this man and I am worried about her safety. Everything I say she has an answer for and believes everything he says without question (he said no-one has died from COVID-19 and we know someone who did and was confirmed by the hospital that this was the case but now she is saying that it's not real and it's a cover-up etc). She is usually not like this at all. Not only is she married but her personality is changing.
Sorry for the long thread. I didn't want to drip-feed.
YABU - Do NOT get involved and leave her to it.
YANBU - DO get involved and try and stop it.