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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DS drinking with mates on Zoom

73 replies

lewes2 · 02/06/2020 13:42

My just18 year old has a few beers with me & his stepdad at weekends, but we don't drink during the week. He's quite quiet and lacks confidence and I definitely notice he's more relaxed and chatty after a beer or 2. However he has started having weekly zoom meetings with his mates (which I think is great - he's one of the poor upper sixth lot who've lost their last term at school, A levels etc) he has the zoom chats in his room and for the last 2 meetings he's had 4 cans of beer. I think that's quite a lot to drink when you're on your own and said so gently, but he argued that he wasn't on his own. I wouldn't worry if he had 4 beers at a party but this feels different. I had a sleepless night worrying that he is beginning to use alcohol as a prop, his Dad is a heavy drinker so there's some history there. Or should I relax let him get on with it?

OP posts:
user1487194234 · 02/06/2020 13:43

He is an adult so you should obviously let him get on with it

JollyGiraffe12 · 02/06/2020 13:44

Relax these are unusual times if he is having a nice time with his friends leave him to it

ChilliCheese123 · 02/06/2020 13:45

I don’t think you have anything to worry about

Soon he won’t live with you and will be independent. You can’t monitor everything they do so it’s best to try not to sweat it

Swimmingwiththebees · 02/06/2020 13:45

I think YABU. Being on Zoom is the new way of socialising with friends now that pubs aren't open. If you don't mind him having that many drinks in a pub it party, then you shouldn't mind it on Zoom. Having drinks with friends is hardly using alcohol as a prop.

Aragog · 02/06/2020 13:46

We are treating Zoom/House party get togethers as normal get togethers for the purpose of the lockdown. It's not like they can have a party in real life - and we should definitely be encouraging them NOT to be breaking the guidance over that.

If he was sat in his room drinking, properly on his own, not chatting to friends who also had a drink, I'd be more concerned - but not as part of a virtual get together.

IndieRo · 02/06/2020 13:47

I wouldn't worry. There is no normality for anyone at the minute so just have to make the most of it. Contact with his friends will be good for her mental health.

Becuna · 02/06/2020 13:47

He is 18 and could be in Halls in Uni. 4 beers once a week, especially during this time is fine.

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 02/06/2020 13:48

4 beers wouldn't bother me - it seems quite modest for an 18 year old, but then with a family experience of alcohol misuse it is possibly different. My son is 20 and has a few bottles of lager whilst on zoom chats, usually 2 or 3 but 4 isn't unusual for him. He isn't a big drinker otherwise (he is tested at work for drugs and alcohol but as he's furloughed he is enjoying a more relaxed period with beer). I think family context is everything here.

SailingAwayIntoSunrise · 02/06/2020 13:48

That's nothing to worry about OP.

If he was actually out with his mates he'd probably drink a lot more than that.

Pipandmum · 02/06/2020 13:49

He's an adult and would probably be drinking a heck of a lot more if actually out with those mates.

copycopypaste · 02/06/2020 13:50

I agree with him, he's not drinking on his own, he's with his mates.

Oh and he's 18, let him get on with it

Aquamarine1029 · 02/06/2020 13:50

You're blowing this way out of proportion. He had 4 cans over 2 zoom sessions. That's nothing. Losing sleep about this is massively ott.

flamingochill · 02/06/2020 13:50

Yabu and need to let him get on with it. Once he's at uni you won't have a clue what he's drinking (quite rightly as it's his responsibility to manage)

PawPawNoodle · 02/06/2020 13:53

I think it'll be worse for his confidence if he has to go "sorry mates, I can't join in on our beer-and-zoom chats because my mum says I've had too many beers this week".

Waxonwaxoff0 · 02/06/2020 13:54

YABU. This is the new normal, he's talking to his mates. 4 beers isn't even a lot.

midwestsummer · 02/06/2020 13:54

You are blowing this massively out of proportion but I'm guessing this is because of the dad's relationship with alcohol.
Your ds will need to find his own balance with drinking but four beers with mates doesn't seem a terrible start.

bigbluebus · 02/06/2020 13:55

Staying in is the new going out. We have had numerous Zoom calls/quiz nights with friends during lockdown and have mostly involved alcohol - with people visibly topping up drinks and raising glasses. We usually only drink at weekends and are not alcoholics. These are strange and different times. I would only be concerned if he was sitting in his room drinking without any interaction with others.

GinasGirl · 02/06/2020 13:55

My 19 year old has been doing the same thing, doing quizzes and chats with drinks via zoom with his mates. We don't mind at all, he's letting his hair down a bit and socialising which he needs right now, and certainly drinking less than he was at Uni. They're also learning their own limits I think at this age, and we have to let them. I'd hate for my son to drink secretly so though we don't encourage a lot of drinking we are open to him socialising with alcohol and can see how much he's having as the night goes on. In my eyes he's learning to drink responsibly in a safe environment and still having fun with his mates.

EasyLifer · 02/06/2020 13:56

My DD is the same age. She goes on House Party rather than Zoom, and Dark Fruits cider is the drink of choice here, but the same general situation. We just ask that she keeps the noise down after we have gone to bed.

EmmaGrundyForPM · 02/06/2020 13:56

YABU. My son is at uni and I'm sure he could easily drink that and more in an evening under normal circumstances!

I feel very sorry for teens and young adults who can't socialise as they normally would. I think we need to cut them some slack

MadameMarie · 02/06/2020 13:57

4 cans is also about 3 pints unless they're pint cans.

Scotinengland76 · 02/06/2020 13:58

He’s 18. If anything, he’s holding back

Trevsadick · 02/06/2020 13:58

He isnt on his own?

Why is it any different drinking with his friends on zoom, to if they were sat in the same room?

This is more about you. You think he should only do xyz.

During my final year of a levelss I went out 4 nights a week and got pissed. Still passed, but thats not ideal.

Having 4 beers, during a party, is really not a big deal. Stop judging and expecting him to only do things, that you think is acceptable

Chimpd0g · 02/06/2020 14:02

I don’t see anything wrong with what he’s doing and really not anything for you to worry about. If he was drinking at home ‘alone’ then you would maybe have a point, but the zoom meetings are nights ‘out’. Also he is 18

AuntyRigsby · 02/06/2020 14:05

YABU - young man has three pints socialising with his friends - nothing worthy of note has happened!