‘Go on, don’t be boring’

[HellloBambinos]

This is food related.

I’ve lost 10lb since lockdown and gone from an overweight BMI to a healthy one. I’d like to lose a little more weight but I love food so I’ve settled on sensible, healthy eating during the week and indulging a little on weekends. It’s been working great for me and I’m happy avoiding treats in the week.

A friend wants to meet this week and she wants to have a takeaway fish and chips picnic. I’ve said I’d love to meet up but I don’t want fish and chips and she said the above. She keeps going on about it. I’ve had other people do this before and it really pisses me off and makes it harder to be healthy.

AIBU to think this is really annoying or am I just a grumpy sod who needs to lighten up?

Most fish and chip places here will have grilled fish and salad on the menu. Is that an option?

Yes but surely that’s the very pinnacle of ‘boring’
I really wouldn’t compromise here - you’re working hard with your diet so a treat should be exactly what you want it to be. If I was on a calorie restriction diet I wouldn’t want to waste any calories on food that I didn’t want.

I've never seen a fish and chip shop that offered grilled fish and salad!

This is happening in our house today! DH wants fish and chip lunch as he’s going into work later. I could go without as trying to be “good”.

He doesn’t want to go and queue up just for himself, so I’m having one as well. I’ve just done a HIIIT workout and will eat light tonight so I’m going to bloody enjoy those fish and chips!

Also, sometimes people are pressed to 'go on, treat yourself' when they in fact have bad reactions to certain foods: food allergies, digestive issues, etc. First of all, you don't necessarily want to have to recite your entire medical history to all and sundry; secondly, some people won't accept it even if you do. Or people might plain old dislike a food that others like - it's not against the law. Rather than making people fun and exciting, this sort of 'go on, eat it' attitude always reminds me of old-fashioned teachers and 'dinner ladies' insisting that schoolchildren 'make a clean plate'.

So you are her 'fat friend' at risk of not being? You are the one she knows will be up for 'naughty treat food' and will scoff it without judgement, and now suddenly aren't?

You might be accidentally redefining your relationship as far as she is concerned. Tread carefully.

You could just have a small fish (don’t eat all the batter),no chips and mushy peas - I regularly have that and I love it!

Or just have small chips and curry sauce. Dinner of champions.

Why can't you have fish n chips as your treat, then be 'good' on 1 of the weekend days to make it even out.

She doesn't want fish and chips. It's not the OP's job to eat herself silly to please others.

I'm on a ridiculously strict diet – competitive event coming up —but, you know: just once won't hurt (they say). Well, it bloody well will. I want to give it my all. How about a bit of support?

Stick to your guns @HellloBambinos and don't let anyone knock you off course

She gets fish and chips and you open your Tupperware with lots of lovely food you want. Non issue.

Even the thought of a salad from a fish and chip shop makes me feel nauseous!

Most picnics I've been on, you bring your own food. Tell your friend you don't like F&C anyway, as you don't. That's good enough reason for you to have something else. If she loves them then she can have them. What's the problem? Just because you're eating different food, doesn't stop it being a picnic or a nice social catch up, does it?

Maybe she’s worried you’re going to bring some sort of disgusting ‘healthy’ slop in a Tupperware

I have a friend who does this and I can’t eat when she’s eating it

Well, that's your issue to address!

Not exactly going to be the pinnacle of freshness i suspect!

What about suggesting no picnic, but you will meet for a walk around the park and a chat? There is the opportunity for her to have fish and chips for her evening meal. It isn’t your problem that she doesn’t cook. If she doesn’t like it she doesn’t get to see you especially if you are so “boring”

I hate it when people go on about what people eat or don’t eat, how much or how little. It really spoils social occasions for me. I find that the more they press me to have some more, I actually stop eating because I lose my appetite. I know that’s my problem and that it stems from being made to eat everything on my plate at school dinners.

Pick the batter off your fish and have five of her chips. Job done. Make the five chips your 'price' for doing what she wants to do.

Seriously, don't!

I’m
Doing this as well op how long have you been doing it? Iv cut out all the sugary snacks crisps though the week

“Haha! Don’t be a crap friend! I’m bringing a packed lunch, see you Saturday”

@Thehop Good response.

One thing @HellloBambinos - She’s not overweight at all, just normal (but yes skinner than me!) and eats what she wants without worrying.

It's important to learn this isn't true as such. Noone can eat anything they want without getting overweight, unless what they want is the same calories they burn off. This is the key. You might be the person she's allocated to have the high calorie foods with, but she'll be cutting back elsewhere to allow for it/exercising massively. She might not even be concious of cutting back to allow for it, just naturally feels full for a long time or is aware when she has a 'treat' lined up to eat less in the days before.

That is probably true that she's planning to have fish and chips several days in advance at a picnic. To me, that's more of a thing you'd do on the morning, send a message to your mate saying you can't be arsed packing a picnic, suggesting a takeaway instead.

That she's planned that in advance probably means she's planning out what she'll eat this week and has assumed the day of your picnic to be her high calorie day. She may have cut back this weekend/yesterday already because she associates meeting up with you as overeating day and now you are denying her the treat day she's already 'earned'.

It's really important to learn that few thin people can truely eat whatever they want as often as they want without gaining weight. There's no secret to it, it's just you are having to mindfully do something that comes more naturally to others - balancing out the higher and lower calorie days to keep your food consumption in the week to close to what your body needs for a whole week.

Having lost six stone myself, I think it's a tremendously shitty thing to do to someone.

I've also lost six stones and I agree completely

Op its because you worded it to sound more about vanity weight loss, which is fine btw, than you dont like fish and chips. If youd said not keen i suspect she wouldnt have madr the effectively diet bore comment.

Well OP you didn't say in your OP you didn't like fish n chips. Just you didn't want them because it was a weekday.

Just tell your friend you don't like fish n chips and go for pizza instead as that is what you would want to eat

@Lazypuppy - why should she? What OP is doing is working for her. Friend is selfish.

Sometimes you just need to relax and do what you want

And that's what made me six stones overweight in the first place

Anyway ,we've already established that the OP doesn't want the fish and chips!

She's either overweight and threatened at your losing weight, or she's thinner than you usually are and wants to keep it that way.

Eat what you want, consider the quality of the friendship if she keeps it up going forward.

I wish so many of us didn't have strange relationships with food, but it just seems to be a fact of life that has all kinds of psychology and group and power dynamics behind it. I include myself in that on occasion btw.