‘Go on, don’t be boring’

[HellloBambinos]

This is food related.

I’ve lost 10lb since lockdown and gone from an overweight BMI to a healthy one. I’d like to lose a little more weight but I love food so I’ve settled on sensible, healthy eating during the week and indulging a little on weekends. It’s been working great for me and I’m happy avoiding treats in the week.

A friend wants to meet this week and she wants to have a takeaway fish and chips picnic. I’ve said I’d love to meet up but I don’t want fish and chips and she said the above. She keeps going on about it. I’ve had other people do this before and it really pisses me off and makes it harder to be healthy.

AIBU to think this is really annoying or am I just a grumpy sod who needs to lighten up?

Be prepared for "I can't eat it if you won't".

What a shame she's not happy about your healthy choices. Not really nice to try and sabotage your efforts.

Maybe she’s worried you’re going to bring some sort of disgusting ‘healthy’ slop in a Tupperware

I have a friend who does this and I can’t eat when she’s eating it

It's just part of our food culture. And something you have to start responding to differently to eat well, as you are. You're right, you're not boring, and it's your choice what you eat and when. Just change the subject whenever she brings it up, or tell her directly 'I don't like it when you call me boring'.

You have my sympathies. I don't like people pushing their own food choices, good (when they feel virtuous and think therefore I should be too) or bad (when they want a treat and think therefore I should too), onto me. It is about them feeling good, not about what I want to have.

Eat what pleases you.

You could have it and then cut back on the weekend if you wanted the fish and chips. If you're a healthy weight you can probably get away with that.
But if you're anything like me, then if you're mentally changing your attitude to food then changing your plan could be detrimental and make you fall off the wagon. I have to get my mind fully prepared to go on a diet and stick to it 100% otherwise I fail at the first hurdle.

I hated this while losing weight. I didn't want to talk about weight loss and food all the time so I never went on about it, it's so boring. I just wanted to lose my weight quietly. But the amount of times it was brought up! Oh go on have this, it won't hurt, you're being too strict etc. She just wants validation for her choice.. there is nothing wrong with eating different food together!

@ChilliCheese123 - generally the problem is fussy eaters who impose their fussiness on others. As in, fussy eaters who can't go to a range of restaurants, can't eat a group meal, who accept an invite to dinner then try to impose their fussiness on what the host provides (allergies are always accepted as needing to be catered for).

If you posted your child wouldn't eat fish and chips so you didn't think it was right on a group outing everyone else went for fish and chips, or that you insited they all got takeaway and ate their fish and chips outside when it was cold so your child could join in with their own food, that would be different. If you said you would go to a picnic and take your own stuff having told others not to bother catering for you, that would be fine.

Generally MN don't like fussy people (or those doing a very public diet) because they try to impose their fussiness on others, usually thinking they are being perfectly reasonable because "everyone can find something they can eat in my choice of restaurant", even though everyone else would prefer to go to a different one...

@ChilliCheese123 if the friend was cooking for OP then yes, OP would be unreasonable to turn down a meal. But this is two adults buying their own food to eat in a park. What if they met in a cafe, would you expect them to have the same dish?

"Why can't you have fish n chips as your treat, then be 'good' on 1 of the weekend days to make it even out."
Because the OP has already said "I don’t want fish and chips".

Why do you think she should eat something she doesn't want to?

OP, I'm interested to know if your friend is overweight or whether she often eats fattening foods? It's just that IME friends who fit that category are often the ones who go into sabotage mode when they see a friend becoming slimmer.

Eat what you want. You can both eat totally different foods together and still enjoy each other's company.

@Lazypuppy

People always think their event is the exception to your diet.

When you have one cheat day a week and two or three events, you get people nagging you to join in at their level for their event. "Oh, you've been so good, you deserve it" - fuck off, the "I deserve it" mentality was what got me fat in the first place. (And your supermarket sausage rolls are not the treat you think they are!)

Having lost six stone myself, I think it's a tremendously shitty thing to do to someone. It's bad enough exercising discipline and willpower on your own behalf without fighting the insistence of friends who are supposed to care about you.

(I have absolutely brilliant friends who've been massively supportive and will either not question or accommodate my diet)

Why should she get to decide what you do or don’t eat? It’s none of her business. Can you imagine two guys fussing over food like this? Freaking ridiculous!

Is she overweight and looking for justification for her food choices? I can’t imagine she’d like it if you told her stuff like that is bad for her and she’s boring for being fat and unhealthy.

It doesn’t matter whT you eat, she’s a twit for making such a big deal about it.

If you have the confidence to cheerfully agree, it can be surprisingly effective; more than once, I've just said "Yup, don't smoke, don't drink, really boring!", and friends have been taken aback that the accusation leaves me unmoved. I don't judge their choice, but don't want to make them feel less guilty because I'm not joining in. But that sort of confidence comes with age, I guess. The younger me was more anxious to fit in.
As for "naughty" foods - PP's are right, have them if you want, in moderation, don't get hung up about it, but you don't have to lessen her underlying guilt by eating something you didn't want in the first place.

Take what you want to eat with you.

You can always be sure that there will be a friend who will be irrationally upset when you go on diet or cut down/stop drinking.

Don't give in!

If I posted that my child wouldn’t want fish and chips on a day out and I had to bring her other food of her choice I’d probably get absolutely lambasted

What an odd remark.

You do realise that the OP is an adult, not the daughter? And that she wants to bring her own food instead of buying the same food as her friend, thus causing her friend absolutely no inconvenience at all?

I wouldn’t waste my treats on fish and chips either. You’re right to stand your ground.

Your "friend" is being totally unreasonable. You should eat whatever you like! Whether that's fish & chips, salad, 1lb of candy or a Sunday roast!!

She can have fish and chips and you bring a healthy lunch.

Simple. Surely the important thing is getting together, not what you're eating

I'd respond with "don't be annoying", but I'm petty that way.

Do they not sell salads in UK fish & chip shops ? You’d be hard pressed to find a fish & chip shop here that wouldn’t have salad on the menu. Also grilled fish & salad is healthy, are yours always deep fried ? The ones here will always have a grilled option

Seems Aussie & English fish & chip culture is very different !

Given the type of event you are not boring. You can each bring your own. I would feel judged if you told me my food was bad.

If you actually liked the food then you could have looked at flexiblity such as eating more healthily at the weekend or suggest moving the picnic to the weekend. No reason you have to.

You can always be sure that there will be a friend who will be irrationally upset when you go on diet or cut down/stop drinking.

Always be sure? Really? Some people must have some very odd friends.

It’s a picnic ChilliCheese123, OP doesn’t like fish and chips. In no way is she putting her friend out by not having something she doesn’t enjoy.

Your perception of “healthy slop” may be what plenty of other people deem enjoyable food. If what someone else is eating stops you eating your own Mel then I’m afraid that’s your issue. Maybe stop being so “fussy”

People aren’t half triggered by other people’s dietary choices, it’s daft.

Pick the batter off your fish and have five of her chips. Job done. Make the five chips your 'price' for doing what she wants to do.

Is she skinnier than you? Lots of people get upset when a friend changes themselves in some way. It almost sounds as if you're her foil - her chubby friend - to show her to advantage.

Other things you are likely to hear and have to ignore include Don't lose too much. You've lost enough now. You don't look well. Have you been ill!? Your face looks gaunt. You're overdoing it.

If your GP says any of these things or your BMI falls into the underweight zone, you need to listen: otherwise not. Well done you!

I would want fish and chips, calorie cycling is great, varying the calorie amounts during the week, adding up to desired total.
Sometimes you just need to relax and do what you want